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[_Kaira_]

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

 

[Lady_Loveless]

 

[BitterlyAlive]

 

[Deleted member 17331]

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[Dr Iron Arc]

 

[Myforevercharlie]

 

[puppy9]

 

[Viro_Major]

View attachment 46669

Don't worry, it will pass calmly. You hide a "Xena the warrior" within you. You're going to triumph over that bit of uneasiness without harm.

 

[Homecoming]

 

[Lupgevif]

 

[LonelyNick]

 

[_Kaira_]

 

[Marchioness]

 

[Deleted member 17331]

 

[Viro_Major]

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Spoiler

I'm a single child of parents who divorced at a young age. I remember that I was 5yo, playing with a wooden train, when my mom came to me to announce they were separating. She wrapped it with adult words that I couldn't comprehend. For the first time my heart exploded and the resulting tears were sincere over something non trivial (i.e. not quite like when your pacifier is taken off). If only, I understood that it was taking me out of innocence... that life was only really starting now, with its share of delusions and a need for reconfiguration of ideals.

Later, I've got other memories of being brought to the cinema with them making efforts to create an illusion of cohesion just for my sanity, when on screen a comedy called "Awesome ! My parents are divorcing" was aired (how awkward). Precisely, the play was depicting how failures in role modelling of adults can break children apart... who then doubt at their turn about their own abilities, or just the sole possibility, to develop and maintain viable relationships. I must admit the same happened to me for a long time.

In reality, the memories I have left of my parents are household scenes, fights, arguments.
Confirmed outside of my imagination, it's certain they weren't void of feelings and appreciation for each other, still they just couldn't make it work out. Obviously, I intimately questioned what was the core explanation about such absurdity, yet never dared to ask directly. To my reccuring despair, my mom always acted in a protective way - or so she thought - by keeping me away from the truth. This attitude was repeated for all very serious topics during my whole life. Today, I'd like to state I estimate that hiding secrets and a lack of open communication are the worst behaviours to hold against kids (even grown up) and can really really be harmful with collateral damages, because, far from being stupid, they then search to apply own filters, chase difficult answers on their own but without the necessary maturity or experience. And it's just plainly a betrayal of confidence and to me, it's the very definition of abandonment. It represents a tear, making you feel separated and to not belong. It's the opposite of showing love.

Anyway, somehow clues arrived at me, that supposedly my father (who was a sweetheart in general) prolly didn't respect my mother ...and her boundaries to full extent in all fields (I can't know for certain but I suspect a sexual mismatch ocurred. As a basis, my mother was a rather prudish person and my father on the other hand rather perverted - I won't comment "as many men" to avoid cliches. Or maybe he cheated on her? To this day, I remain unsure but something unfixable happened which led to an overall deteriorated climate)

All things considered...
I don't know if it's an exception or the rule, but I noted that my friends who had been brought up inside a loving family which managed to keep tight solid bonds, lead themselves stable love lives afterwards, and in general they grew as more "sane" persons (for what it's worth I hate this word, I hate the norms). They got engaged long-term and it keeps going, with inevitable ups and downs that they try to mask to save the face inevitably.

Let's just say, yeah, when you come from the wrong environnement, it can really turn as poison for the psyche, crucify your beliefs, etc. Sorry.

 

[grungeCat]

 

[KleinerWolf]

 

[blackcatnash]

 

[_Kaira_]

 

[Marchioness]

 

[Viro_Major]

 

[LonelyNick]

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

 

[catalepsy]

 

[TheSoulless]

 

[Taki]

I'll let my avatar answer the question.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

 

[nerve]

 

[Chupacabra 44]

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