Indeed. Unfortunately, it's the kind of electricity that makes your skin crawl.
Give it up and turn as smoked bacon then !
(doesn't help to forget I started to water fast again
)
It makes me think, exactly 1 year ago I was weighting 96kg, now 78 and the efforts really lasted 1 fourth of the time as what felt like small ones.
Imho people who deal with suicidality underestimate the extent of their power to bring about changes eventually. When you survived solidly (or petrified lol) as a rock against the worse and didn't break, it's also possible to lever mountains based on the acquired resistance. But some integration of energies to regurgitate them converted, aïkido style, must happen. Alas, it can take time to morph
In general, I grew to appreciate to fight the bad by the bad. Now I'm even crawling for difficulties to wake me up, otherwise I could stay dormant. I was hiding the personality of a rioter. Repetitive adversity helped to sharpen edges to reveal it. So I'm not only crying over the fate, I'm also grateful.
Also... the best friends I got today are those who shook me the most and who I used to hate from the bottom of my heart, like they would upset 95% of the people they met. How ? Because when you were wrong in their conception or from acquired knowledge, they made sure to bug you by repeating 100 times that there was a different perspective to grasp. All that, up to violently if needed, with mannerless confrontational style. They appeared like crap, despicable persons to everybody, leaving all kindness aside, but they actually cared to lift you up. Those are the dope people who loves you, at the opposite of the ones who comfort you in your beliefs and teaches you nothing new. First appearances can be so fake. Dig dig dig