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How many of you have disclosed to your family, loved ones, or friends? Why or why not?

  • I have disclosed

    Votes: 119 74.4%
  • I have not disclosed

    Votes: 41 25.6%

  • Total voters
    160
M

Moonomyth

Student
Feb 6, 2020
196
Setting aside the involuntary disclosure of getting hospitalized, my spouse knows I still have regular suicidal ideation and that I go to "pro-suicide" forums (without naming names) because I find them to be more generally supportive than the toxic positivity of other support venues.

I have to strike a very careful balance regarding how much I talk about this, however, because doing it too much makes her uncomfortable, or gives her the impression I'm doing it for attention. Just hiding everything would have been easier.
 
S

Sugarplum

Member
Feb 12, 2024
12
The "just reach out for help" is the biggest lie ever. I'm glad if it works for some people and it's worth trying I guess, but mostly it just takes away any remaining shred of illusion that anyone cares.

Everyone knows, I've begged everyone for help, no one who could help will. They say the right things, and then no matter how little I ask, they won't do it. Anything from inviting me to a holiday, to texting me ever again after I tell them just hearing from them makes all the difference. I have two friends who actually reach out to me and try to be supportive, and they are both in way worse situations than I am, and I feel terrible I can't help them either.

I'm an extreme extrovert and have spent my life trying to build community and help people and build a safety net for myself. I make "friends" and connect to people super easily. Thousands of people, hundreds of "friends", many "close" over my lifetime (45) Across many groups and interests, locally and online internationally. It is NOT that I just need to keep trying because I haven't met the right people yet.

This is literally 95% of the reason I'm suicidal. The other 5% being complex physical disabilities and chronic pain, but if I were loved and respected, I could survive those.

My doctor and therapist know. They also know I'm completely rational, logical, have tried everything and my situation isn't changeable or survivable. It makes my therapist mad because she is lazy and not getting to feel good about helping me. My doctor keeps trying me on new meds but my insanely wonky metabolism means most things are either totally inert, have horrific side effects, or both. The good part of that is I have a huge stockpile of meds I could use to ctb, but the bad part is who even knows if they would even work at any dose.

988 is just formulaic. They listen, validate, then try to make a "safety plan" to get you off the phone, and get angry when their rudimentary ideas won't work. It might help some people who need someone to listen or haven't tried anything themselves.
 
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Shrike

Shrike

My pain isn't yours to harvest.
Feb 13, 2024
95
Funny (and sad) to read that, Sugarplum. People keep telling me I just need to meet people to find the right ones, too, but I can tell every time I go out to meet people the right ones aren't there. At times I'd spend years somewhere thinking that maybe it just takes time or something. But in the past, when I did meet the right people, the understanding was instantaneous. I don't know where they all went. I'm afraid too many internalized the negative messages thrown at them day and night.

(also, most typical mental health meds are not effective for CTB and are more likely to just cause you interesting brain experiences. Please get informed on the matter first, there are lots of resources on this forum, including a warning sticky by this thread's OP)

Technically, both my parents and my friends have been informed ages ago, but nobody really brings it up. I think I'm just a liability to both of them that can go poof at some point, which, I guess, is just as well. Or maybe they don't think it's very serious. I think I'm the type to just, one day, CTB, without much warning and with no recovery, and that'd be all.
 
Y

yrrusdf

Member
Sep 12, 2023
12
Im very surprised on the results of the poll I thought it would be the other way around with most people not disclosing.
 
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murderatruemorgue

murderatruemorgue

Member
Feb 17, 2024
44
I have been burned too much to disclose anymore.

I've had welfare checks called on me by friends that lead to forced inpatient. I've had therapists who tried to force me to go to inpatient—basically saying I go willingly or unwillingly—even when I wasn't actively having thoughts or plans (long story.)

I've had nurses in inpatient physically drag me from the bed by the arms so I would go to 'group.' I once got so physically sick in inpatient I had 103 degree temperature and they still kept trying to force me to go to groups. I saw someone who attempted SH and they took away all her clothes and forced her to wear a hospital gown for 24-hours. Treating people like dogs or children, like we're just dumb and not in pain.

I will NEVER go to inpatient again. I will literally do anything to avoid it. And so many people panic when they even hear about SI I don't even bother anymore. I will lie to therapists and psychiatrists about having thoughts or plans because there is literally nothing more they will do except lock me up.
 
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Malaria

Malaria

If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead
Feb 24, 2024
1,085
I've been struggling with suicidal ideation and attempts for about seventeen years now (I'm 29), it's kinda hard for someone to be close to me at this point in my life and not know I have chronic suicidality. However, the older I get, the more I honestly regret telling them and burdening them with my problems. I kinda wish I had just jotted down my feelings in a private journal and put on a fake smile.
 
2

26mmmm

Experienced
Feb 12, 2024
207
I recently disclosed to my family and friends and found it wasn't as bad as I thought. Nobody locked me up in a psych ward, I'm just getting a lot of emotional support. I still feel empowered to ctb if I wish, but now I know I can say goodbye to the people I love if I needed. I also feel there is more medical and emotional support if I want to live.

I feel really strongly that nobody should have to suffer alone, and wish everyone could feel safe and comfortable disclosing. I think feeling safe and being transparent improves people's ability to make informed choices rather than being coerced into suicide by loneliness and insecurity re: suicide.

Obviously millage will vary and many cannot disclose, but I'm curious how many of you have disclosed? Why or why not?
I don't discuss my problems for a couple of reasons. The first is that I don't want to be associated with the social media mental illness "cult". The second is that I don't want to be a burden or be treated as sick.
The third reason is that I don't really have anyone to discuss my problems with - I don't have any close friends and barely any friends at all and I resent my family.
And the last is that I don't feel comfortable opening up. I feel like I should keep my problems to myself unless its for a good enough reason, and I don't see some compassion from others as a good reason. I've been around people who cant stop talking about their problems and its just annoying, they spread their negativity everywhere.



I've pretty much bottled everything up for some time now. At first I didn't even admit it to myself because I was so focused on improving and told myself that it'll all be over soon so why care about it too much, and also because I saw it as being weak and I also didn't really realize how miserable I was up until lately.
 
Rhizomorph1

Rhizomorph1

May you find peace in living or dying
Oct 24, 2023
584
Im very surprised on the results of the poll I thought it would be the other way around with most people not disclosing.
I was also surprised! I think it's probably a good thing that most people can disclose to at least someone, as it's important to feel you can be authentically yourself with someone.

I'd be curious how many of the people who did disclose were happy with their decision vs. regretted it, how many felt emotionally supported by the person(s) they disclosed to, etc.

I'm putting together a forum-wide survey with oversight from Rain which will hopefully explore these questions in greater depth.

If anyone has questions they think would be good to explore feel free to DM me! Feedback is always welcome
 
B

BlessedBeTheFlame

All things are nothing to me
Feb 2, 2024
149
I try to often joke about killing myself, but my mother just shuts that down and tells me I should never make these jokes. I just really wish she could've gotten the hint 6 or 7 years ago.
 
C

Cain.Wong

Member
Mar 1, 2024
13
All my closed one know cuz I attempted last April.
 
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Final_Choice

Final_Choice

Mage
Aug 3, 2023
516
Certain people in my life know that I have some relation to suicide ideation, but the extent to how much that is differs for different people depending on how much I feel comfortable I feel with them knowing. Currently there's only one (maybe another, though I have yet to confirm how much they know) that knows the full extent of it and why I feel such a way.
 
reisen

reisen

the game was rigged from the start
Jul 3, 2023
2
my friends used to know but dont know im still suicidal, and im not telling my family as theyd really freak out and/or attempt to get me on a psych hold
 
Rhizomorph1

Rhizomorph1

May you find peace in living or dying
Oct 24, 2023
584
my friends used to know but dont know im still suicidal, and im not telling my family as theyd really freak out and/or attempt to get me on a psych hold
At this point I'm just basically existing so if they put me in a psych ward for a bit I won't complain. They can't keep me there forever; other people need the beds more than me.

Thankfully I doubt it will come to that. I should be able to access MAID I think
 
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
pretty much every friend has heard me say i wanna end it, most know im very serious about needing an exit button. plenty have offered what they can but... yknow. its not an easy thing to experience and imo its not fair to get mad at others for not knowing how to respond to such a hard situation. humans aren't trained in how to best respond to that thought process, we're wired for the opposite. the only response ive ever gotten actually upset by was the blatantly dismissive or nothing. although my therapist has helped me realize its absolutely fair to feel disappointed by my family whove done their best to ignore the reality of my "situation" and would rather keep themselves comfortable than talk to me. my sister is the only one thats actively tried to help but she doesnt talk to me much and im really, really tired of no one bothering to communicate anymore
 
pompompurin

pompompurin

girls like us are rotten to the core
Apr 27, 2023
154
I told two people and I think it was the right thing to do in my situation.
 
JordanF

JordanF

Member
Sep 21, 2023
50
I have told one online friend a year ago, but no one else. They wrote me a very sweet message that did help quite a bit, and I ended up being happy that I told them. However, I didn't tell them that I had an active plan as I feared they would panic and I wanted them to think it was more passive. I think telling someone that you have a plan is a bit dangerous and they are much more likely to go to the police in a case like that.
 
Placo

Placo

At Eternity's Gates
Feb 14, 2024
585
I've done this on several occasions without great results.
 
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eatantz

eatantz

I luv dolls
Nov 4, 2023
518
i have but i didn't really have a choice. My therapist told my mum about my suicidal thoughts and then she told the whole family and i became the new gossip.

Also i have very large and visible self harm scars so people just assume
 
m4rius

m4rius

Student
Dec 23, 2022
107
I've disclosed it to my parents but it doesn't really stick to them. It goes from one ear and out the other. They're in denial, they're not taking me seriously which is annoying as fuck. I don't blame them, tho.
 
Josh007

Josh007

Underwater Reflection
Nov 30, 2020
178
I told my family some years ago. I also clearly told my parents that suicide is my choice and I will exercise that right if I choose to. Idk if that counts, I don't feel the need to repeat. I'm here for good time not a long time.
 
scarlet-pixie

scarlet-pixie

1/12/2024
Apr 30, 2024
18
I told one of my friends I was planning on CTBing a week or so ago. It went alright, I think though we haven't talked about it since then.

Ideally id wanna be able to tell the rest of my friends too, I wanna be able to properly say goodbye before I leave.