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How many of you have disclosed to your family, loved ones, or friends? Why or why not?

  • I have disclosed

    Votes: 119 73.9%
  • I have not disclosed

    Votes: 42 26.1%

  • Total voters
    161
Rhizomorph1

Rhizomorph1

May you find peace in living or dying
Oct 24, 2023
584
I recently disclosed to my family and friends and found it wasn't as bad as I thought. Nobody locked me up in a psych ward, I'm just getting a lot of emotional support. I still feel empowered to ctb if I wish, but now I know I can say goodbye to the people I love if I needed. I also feel there is more medical and emotional support if I want to live.

I feel really strongly that nobody should have to suffer alone, and wish everyone could feel safe and comfortable disclosing. I think feeling safe and being transparent improves people's ability to make informed choices rather than being coerced into suicide by loneliness and insecurity re: suicide.

Obviously millage will vary and many cannot disclose, but I'm curious how many of you have disclosed? Why or why not?
 
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loneliness0

loneliness0

Member
Oct 13, 2023
39
I am very happy to hear it did go well ❤️
 
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Neptunezz

Neptunezz

Blissful isolation
Feb 4, 2024
7
I've told my mother and a few people online. My mother was a lot more straightforward with "you need to find a therapist and stuff" but my online friends listened to me vent and stuff. Overall it wasn't a bad experience but obviously wasn't that good.
 
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Guy Smiley

Guy Smiley

Just another lost soul
Jan 4, 2024
459
I'm very torn on whether to disclose or not. On the one hand, I feel that if I do, it will be less of a shock and thus maybe less traumatic for my family when I CTB. On the other hand, I'm almost certain that they would beg me to do ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) again and give at least partial hospitalization a try before I attempt suicide, but I really don't want to do either of those things. It feels like a mistake not to tell them but it also feels like a mistake if I do tell them. I just don't know what to do. I'm glad to hear it went well for you though.
 
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UsagiDrop

UsagiDrop

“What a beautiful day to haunt the earth.”
Apr 27, 2023
299
I've even disclosed my ideation to several MH professionals and wasn't institutionalized. Then again, it takes a lot to get to that point where I'm from.

I didn't really have a reason to disclose how I've been feeling to friends, family or professionals. I told the professionals because I was in pain and my immediate family and friends found out when I attempted. I still do not disclose my darkest thoughts to anybody, and as far as they know, I've ideated but I'm not actively still feeling that way. The results have been varied for me.

Several professionals tried to get me to go to church and gave me resources to contact my local crisis center. I did not feel judged by them, but I did feel… overlooked? Or, maybe "ignored" is the better term. My mother found me mid-attempt, so she just knew. At first she yelled at me, called me stupid, disparaged me, but when the medical emergency passed, she tried in her own ways to comfort me. I've learned that I can't ask her to empathize with me. She doesn't understand my pain, but she explained to me why my life is precious, and expressed to me how much she wants me alive. She later gave me a diary of her thoughts, written down from the moment she found out she was pregnant, to the moment she decided not to abort me, and up until the day of my first birthday party, when all of the pages had been used up. She included photos and everything. I read the excerpt of what was going through her mind when she found out she was pregnant and when she wanted to rid herself of me, and then I put the journal away. She told me that she wanted to leave this with me when she passed, but that moment made her realize I could die without ever knowing how much she loves me. I'm respecting her wishes and keeping most of what is in there a secret until either I'm sure that I'm going, or she passes away. I was still under punishment for attempting though lol.

I told my grandmother, who I miss so much, that I wanted to die. She reminded me that I'm really blessed. Another conversation with a religious tilt to it— I didn't listen, but now, I wish that I could remember exactly what she said. I perceived that as a negative experience because even though she didn't have ill intention, I still felt like I wasn't really heard. But now it feels more neutral.

My best friend alerted my mom of my first attempt and afterwards the entire grade knew at school. I don't really remember why or how that information leaked but everybody knew I was suicidal well before I attempted, even the school's pastor and counselors. I had a lot of negative experiences when people made fun of my misery or infantalized me for it. I've had some very sweet people wish for me to live and give life a chance, though. I had someone message me a few years ago on social media because they remembered how sad I was. They said it was nice to see me still alive. We just agreed to disagree on that one.

Every instance where someone has found out this piece of information about me has been uncomfortable because it changes the way that people perceive me forever. I have had a lot of people withdraw their friendships when they found out in any way that I was depressed or suicidal, because it's just so taboo back home. Very rarely have I been understood, and it's even more rare that people didn't immediately dismiss me with some religious message. But even those people meant me no harm and the bottom line was that they wanted to help and didn't know how to. I'm both glad and lucky that my experiences haven't been horrible. I think the worst reaction was from my mom. It hurts a lot when people find out and then begin to question your strength, character and intelligence, but I learned to live with that without keeping it a secret. I think my friends deserve to know that I might just randomly die one day!

I can't say that I've always disclosed my reasons, though. I don't feel the need to explain my pain and trauma to most people and luckily "she's bipolar" is enough of an excuse.
 
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J

jujuklam

Member
Jan 31, 2024
61
I've disclosed twice, a few years ago and again recently.
 
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B

barkbark

Jan 22, 2024
66
i've disclosed suicidal thoughts, feelings, plans, aborted attempts, and even about outright attempts before. i think i may over share too much lol

that said, being open to me is more encouraging honesty. if i'm being this honest and open, it gives the other person room to be honest and open about their thoughts and feelings. that gives them the space to be vulnerable with me and vice verse. i've built up mutual support friendships this way and it's wonderful, albeit scary sometimes when the very suicidally depressed friend you have mutual support with dms you "hey i found a suicide forum online …" and you're like… oh dear, this is going to be a can of worms…
 
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mortuarymary

mortuarymary

Enlightened
Jan 17, 2024
1,367
Partner found out last summer.
We are getting through it.
 
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TapeMachine

TapeMachine

perpetually confused
Jan 12, 2023
385
Told my mom: she freaked out at first, but she has calmed down a great deal over the last few months.

Told one of my brothers before I told our mom: he doesn't speak to me any longer, which really hurts...
 
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Rhizomorph1

Rhizomorph1

May you find peace in living or dying
Oct 24, 2023
584
I've told my mother and a few people online. My mother was a lot more straightforward with "you need to find a therapist and stuff" but my online friends listened to me vent and stuff. Overall it wasn't a bad experience but obviously wasn't that good.
Yeah I've found it more relieving than stressful as having to "mask" my various illnesses and plans, etc. was incredibly stressful, but there's been a few conversations that have been tough and having to defend/rationalize myself in front of prohibitive norms has been frustrating too. It's getting better with time.
Told my mom: she freaked out at first, but she has calmed down a great deal over the last few months.

Told one of my brothers before I told our mom: he doesn't speak to me any longer, which really hurts...
That's incredibly unfair of your brother. He should be there to support you. I gather it's his way of coping, but of course he is putting his needs before your own which in this case are more pressing/significant. I'm sorry to hear he did that to you.

I'm glad you feel safe talking to your mom. Good/caring moms are the best :heart:

Of course I'm sure many people on this forum have bad moms too.
 
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Silent Raindrops

Silent Raindrops

The Darkness Awaits Me
Feb 3, 2024
263
Everyone I know knows I'm suicidal. They know it's not a matter of "if" I commit, it's the "when" that worries them.
 
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Rhizomorph1

Rhizomorph1

May you find peace in living or dying
Oct 24, 2023
584
I'm very torn on whether to disclose or not. On the one hand, I feel that if I do, it will be less of a shock and thus maybe less traumatic for my family when I CTB. On the other hand, I'm almost certain that they would beg me to do ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) again and give at least partial hospitalization a try before I attempt suicide, but I really don't want to do either of those things. It feels like a mistake not to tell them but it also feels like a mistake if I do tell them. I just don't know what to do. I'm glad to hear it went well for you though.
If you feel comfortable, I would encourage disclosing. As long as you are not deemed immediately a threat to yourself (I.e., a plan within a few days/weeks) they can't legally hospitalize/detain you without consent. Thus why I worded it to my doctors & family as not planning to do it anytime soon.

My sister told me if I did do it, it would help her a lot if she at least saw me try to recover. Not everyone has this fight in them, but I gather that our participation on the recovery forum suggests we have some will to live. I think your family might feel the same. Of course, the ability for family and others to maintain calm, rational, and diplomatic conversations may vary, so it depends on your context.

Having time to process slowly and value/prioritize the potentially limited time left will always help people cope vs. an abrupt death. I think it can also help us feel a bit more secure and peaceful when we pass knowing we can say goodbye in some capacity and they won't be as traumatized.

I hope you get to a point where you can disclose without feeling forced into decisions made on your behalf :heart:
 
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Doemu

Doemu

⸸ I am my own end ⸸
Feb 4, 2024
212
Even if I have no one to disclose...

I would never do that. I prefer to go to another country and die there.

I won't plan to write anything about that away this forum.

My suicide will be the best moment of my life, and will be all mine.
 
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mlspwrt22

mlspwrt22

New Member
Jan 31, 2024
4
I've told some psychologists before. Worst mistake of my life - I instantly got institutionalised and spent over a week in pure physical and mental agony. Since then, I strongly distrust mental health workers by principle.

They're horrible people who certainly do not have their patients' best interests at heart, and I feel sorry for any and all patients who had to go through such treatment.
 
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AshClouds

AshClouds

In time I started growing inward.
Apr 10, 2023
305
I've told some psychologists before. Worst mistake of my life - I instantly got institutionalised and spent over a week in pure physical and mental agony.
Thats why I never tell my psychiatric doctor
 
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Schaf

Schaf

Member
Oct 6, 2021
20
I regret disclosing the date only; I don't know how to lie so it's hard to bottle up things. I feel like I just can't use that date anymore. Being able to choose I also wanted to get to choose the date as well, kinda sucks, but I am going to swallow it.
 
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cryone

cryone

Student
Nov 23, 2023
187
Kind of to my friends, but more so in a unserious manner so they dont worry.
 
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spring vainglory

spring vainglory

from a moon soaked in distance.
Feb 3, 2024
64
my boyfriend knows in depth of how much and the reason to my suicidality.
ive disclosed on social media, once blatantly and occasionally vaguely. people dont really seem to care. they'll ask me if i'm okay and i say no and then tell me to "get help" ...what the fuck was the point of even talking to me if that's all you had up your sleeve? if i wanted to hear that, i could just watch a betterhelp ad, or talk to chatgpt. i really want to tell them to fuck off.
recently when i vagued suicide, even the person who is supposed to be my closest friend said "i think ur depression is getting out of hand. you should go to the er before u hurt yourself" and then left me on read when i said "im not even suicidal anymore i'm just lonely." she's a lot lesser in my heart now.
that time i did blatantly disclose it, one friend took me out to eat and let me sleep over at his place to get away from my terrible living situation, but he doesn't do anything more than he did before to keep up with me or show me care. a different friend also took me out, and i appreciate him a lot more because we actually talk more frequently now. he seems to be suicidal too, he mentioned wanting to kill himself while drunk the last time we hung out.

usually its just like, one little effort and theyre like "okay i did my part! friend is cured now! /dusts off hands/"
 
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ctbcat

ctbcat

Yes, the everlasting contrast.
Jul 14, 2023
220
I keep on joking, really. Like "I need to ctb" whenever I'm overwhelmed in a lighthearted way. I don't obviously want to say it but it slips out. That alone... I can't tell my friends I'm anything more than suicidal - not that I have real suicidal intent. My family would 100% section me so that's out of the picture (I had an ED - sectioning saved my life, they'd want to do it again), but... Maybe my friends wouldn't report me or whatever, but I wouldn't blame them for doing so. Theres too many people who love me to be actually upfront with the fact that I have a whole plan to die soon. It's so fucking lonely but I don't think my loved ones are the type to just let it pass by.
 
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R

Redacted24

Might be Richard Cory... or not
Nov 20, 2023
155
I've tried telling people in my life, in the past. It never went well... just got similar reactions, the passive "gee that's too bad" followed by them slowly backing away to the exit.

I keep hinting to coworkers, they just take it as me being grouchy and none have ever asked, "wait, are you actually thinking of that?" Despite years of me talking of it...

If asked by someone I trust I might hint but not disclose much, I don't want to trigger any mandatory reporting requirements and be forced to get "help"

It would be nice to talk openly. And this site helps me know I'm not completely alone.
 
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Ironborn

Ironborn

Student
Jan 29, 2024
191
Kind of had to after my attempt to ctb.
Family immediately plays the guilt card. How "they" feel.
Sorry but I've been suffering silently for ten years and you want me to live with it another 30 or 40 for "you".
Never been angrier in my life.
 
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vitbar

vitbar

Escaped Lunatic
Jun 4, 2023
307
Some friends, medical proffesionals, and heavy hinting to my managers.
 
neonzebra

neonzebra

Member
Sep 11, 2022
56
Only to doctors and therapists.
I haven't told anyone else close to me explicitly. I don't know how they would react and maybe part of me is afraid they just wouldn't care. In fact, I'm quite sure I wouldn't receive any help or support. I imagine my friends would gossip about me and several would drop me. I think my family at the bare minimum would just tell me to get medical help and they'd never mention it again (that's how they've reacted to any other issues I've had).
 
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U

uniqueusername12

-
Jan 18, 2024
23
I said "I just do t want to be here" to my partner when I was going through a lot of stress. She was quite cold and cruel to me after I said that. She later admitted (when drunk) that she was "doubling down" on me because she could see I was hurting. She also said that she "could see what she was doing, but couldn't stop herself".

Not great! Made me feel worthless.
 
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M

mswhite

Member
Aug 10, 2023
6
I've disclosed to my therapist, psychiatrist, and a few close friends and family members. I'm in Texas so no one is allowed to force you to go to an institution unless you're actively hurting yourself or others.

That said, I volunteered to go to treatment last year and it was helpful. I was only there to stabilize my meds and I've been able to continue treatment out patient.

Honestly, telling people has made my ideation more real. I had a failed hanging attempt last year. More and more I'm thinking about getting a gun.
 
H

HereTomorrow

On break. Read "About" on profile.
Feb 1, 2024
326
I disclosed to my friends everything, probably too much for them to handle. It scared them and eventually didn't want anything to do with me, saying I should fix it on my own after I was hospitalized (they told a teacher, we were 11-12 so I can't really blame them).

My mental health went downhill even more since my story went widespread and people didn't want to affiliate with me. Was hospitalized again after disclosing to a school councilor in middle school a specific date and method.

Since then, I just don't want to disclose anymore. I look and act alright to everyone in my life. But after two traumatic hospitalizations due to disclosure I'm terrified of speaking up again if/when I think of it seriously but I don't know how without the fear of hospitalization/forced treatment or losing my current friends.
 
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J

J&L383

Specialist
Jul 18, 2023
377
I recently disclosed to my family and friends and found it wasn't as bad as I thought. Nobody locked me up in a psych ward, I'm just getting a lot of emotional support. I still feel empowered to ctb if I wish, but now I know I can say goodbye to the people I love if I needed. I also feel there is more medical and emotional support if I want to live.

I feel really strongly that nobody should have to suffer alone, and wish everyone could feel safe and comfortable disclosing. I think feeling safe and being transparent improves people's ability to make informed choices rather than being coerced into suicide by loneliness and insecurity re: suicide.

Obviously millage will vary and many cannot disclose, but I'm curious how many of you have disclosed? Why or why not?
Wow, I'm impressed. I doubt I would get much understanding, just instant judgment that I'm crazy. ☹️. That's why this forum is so important to me.
 
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Visionary
Jan 1, 2024
2,343
I'm very torn on whether to disclose or not. On the one hand, I feel that if I do, it will be less of a shock and thus maybe less traumatic for my family when I CTB. On the other hand, I'm almost certain that they would beg me to do ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) again and give at least partial hospitalization a try before I attempt suicide, but I really don't want to do either of those things. It feels like a mistake not to tell them but it also feels like a mistake if I do tell them. I just don't know what to do. I'm glad to hear it went well for you though.
ECT ruined my life . Did it help you?
 
restless.dreams

restless.dreams

inactive (see my profile)
Feb 7, 2024
223
I disclosed to my family after my first suicide attempt and ended up being hospitalized. It was a hard and scary experience, but they were as supportive as they knew how to be. Makes me sad that others don't have that support.
 
trashhologram

trashhologram

⚰ Baby, let me decompose ⚰
Dec 15, 2023
305
Only my partner knows I'm still suicidal. She has heard me rant and hope that I would just die. She knows my method but doesn't know I'm actually thinking of going through it.

Everyone else knows I'm depressed but not that I'm suicidal again.
 
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