Just because I'm young doesn't mean I shouldn't CTB.
My depression has gone to a state where it's unfixable now.
I am getting treatment and nothing is working.
My depression is making people tired and I already ruined many chances because of depression.
It's too late now.
I just wanna leave.
So please, stop helping me.
Being young means it's
very unlikely that it's "too late". But I didn't happen upon this site randomly, and certainly understand how it can feel that way. There's a lot of very convincing evidence that I'm never going to make my $100 million after the mistakes I made, but somewhere in the thick of it I reordered my priorities and goals.
Yes, I'm poor now, but a large part of that result is because I'm old af and no longer believe in our corrupted societies. The 40 to 50 year difference in our ages means you could end up in a completely different place than I am, in your distant future. You may feel like shit now, but feelings change regardless of external circumstances.
As we grow older, our past behaviors cut off multiple choices we "could have made" if we hadn't chosen (or ended up on) our current path. I was 'getting treatment' too, and it didn't work. Really, what finally worked was riding out the feelings that I should ctb for the good of everyone. Not pleasant in any way, but the belief that I should ctb finally dissipated after a number of years.
Not to help you, but it's not too late, and if you can miss the bus a few more times it's highly likely you'll end up being glad you did. Here's a video I just watched a bit ago, and one of the reasons I'm glad I stuck around.