Hey, so I'm a 20 year female in med school. I don't really have a lot of friends that really knows what goes on in my head. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember, I remember having a talk with my dad after him finding my cutting marks across my hand, used to self harm before I even knew what it was. Has never had a time when there was no marks across those veins in my wrist.
Growing up, I was good academically, my mom was tight on that. But only when I grew up I realized my mom had some mental health issues too, she was constantly emotionally abusive and yelled at me and would pull me close and consoled me a while later, I couldn't understand her. Then came high school, I had to shift to my home country to do med school nd it's prep. It was some really horrible period in my life, I was left alone cos I couldn't bond with them a lot. I can't remember the number of times I attempted ctb, had terrible family drama too. And when things couldn't get worse , i lost my brother, the one person who was my best friend and everything. Finally got into med school, moved out, thought things would change, but no it got worse, I got diagnosed with thyroid nodules (my mom had thyroid cancer) life kinda got scary then, then with Hashimotos thyroiditis and celiac disease. That diagnosis was painful cos I can't even stress eat now, gluten free things aren't that available where I liv. And all through this I struggled with BPD which my mom refused to accept as diagnosis and never took me to therapy or treatment at all, I fell into a pit of depression, had really nobody to get over that and it felt really scary, I have a boyfriend but mental health issues could never be discussed with him cos he never thought that was anything real. I don't want to keep living and this pressure of finals that I havent even touched books for, I've been wanting to die for months not wanting to face this day. I've tried getting SN and everything I can but nothing worked out for me.
please help me out here to leave soon. For you who read till her, I love you
Growing up, I was good academically, my mom was tight on that. But only when I grew up I realized my mom had some mental health issues too, she was constantly emotionally abusive and yelled at me and would pull me close and consoled me a while later, I couldn't understand her. Then came high school, I had to shift to my home country to do med school nd it's prep. It was some really horrible period in my life, I was left alone cos I couldn't bond with them a lot. I can't remember the number of times I attempted ctb, had terrible family drama too. And when things couldn't get worse , i lost my brother, the one person who was my best friend and everything. Finally got into med school, moved out, thought things would change, but no it got worse, I got diagnosed with thyroid nodules (my mom had thyroid cancer) life kinda got scary then, then with Hashimotos thyroiditis and celiac disease. That diagnosis was painful cos I can't even stress eat now, gluten free things aren't that available where I liv. And all through this I struggled with BPD which my mom refused to accept as diagnosis and never took me to therapy or treatment at all, I fell into a pit of depression, had really nobody to get over that and it felt really scary, I have a boyfriend but mental health issues could never be discussed with him cos he never thought that was anything real. I don't want to keep living and this pressure of finals that I havent even touched books for, I've been wanting to die for months not wanting to face this day. I've tried getting SN and everything I can but nothing worked out for me.
please help me out here to leave soon. For you who read till her, I love you
