please help

[TheHatedOne]

im crying a lpot atm i cant live anymore i just cant i want to do myself bad.

 

[eryu]

Did you want to talk about it and if so then here or to PM?

 

[lostautist]

You can message me but thats probably no help

 

[TheHatedOne]

Did you want to talk about it and if so then here or to PM?

You can message me but thats probably no help

i'm hitting my head with a bottle continuously to self harm. this is all i have left. pain. all i deserrve. nothing more. that's what i deserved ,y wjole life. pain and heartbreak.

 

[Passersby]

Sorry it's been going this way for so long Average Fan. I can relate. Life can be quite unfair and miserable. I hope you can find a way to peace somehow.

 

[eryu]

I'm sorry. don't know what to say. I'm sorry you feel you deserve it.
I know how things can sort of go on with the pain still being unbearable but almost manageable and then you just snap and it's like I'm hit by everything at once.
I'd recommend calling hospital I guess though I don't trust them. Some are better than others. If your experience with local one hasn't been as bad, then maybe.

 

[Wrennie]

I'm always here if you ever need to vent your frustrations or vocalize your despair.

Please don't feel as though you're alone in your suffering. We're all in this together.

I also know what it's like to self harm in that way (I used to hit myself over the head too).

 

[miserableforever]

im crying a lpot atm i cant live anymore i just cant i want to do myself bad.

Same. Just had to give my daughter to my rapey ex for visitation
I wish I could either vanish or lose the SI.
I'm sorry you feel like garbage. Hugs
You got this. Tears sometimes can make us feel a little more ok after.

 

[myopybyproxy]

im crying a lpot atm i cant live anymore i just cant i want to do myself bad.

Even if I could think of helpful words they would likely not make a dent in the misery. I know how the cloak hangs heavy round your shoulders. A slow suffocation. Hopefully solidarity offers more space for comfort than solitude. It can get too loud with only your own thoughts for company.

What are you getting out of the bottle? Is it the rhythmic thumping, the pain, the motion occupying you, the idea that you deserve to be hurt, the dull ache, the sharpness spreading from the point of contact, all of the above, something else?

May I suggest rocking back and forth - front to back or side to side - with your knees clasped to your chest. Either sitting up or lying on your back like a pillbug. The rhythmic motion is sometimes soothing for me.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Even if I could think of helpful words they would likely not make a dent in the misery. I know how the cloak hangs heavy round your shoulders. A slow suffocation. Hopefully solidarity offers more space for comfort than solitude. It can get too loud with only your own thoughts for company.

What are you getting out of the bottle? Is it the rhythmic thumping, the pain, the motion occupying you, the idea that you deserve to be hurt, the dull ache, the sharpness spreading from the point of contact, all of the above, something else?

May I suggest rocking back and forth - front to back or side to side - with your knees clasped to your chest. Either sitting up or lying on your back like a pillbug. The rhythmic motion is sometimes soothing for me.

I just like when it hits my head skull i think. i also think that, since a long time, that pain is the only thing i deserve since all that happens in my life is constat let downs, heartbreak, pain and suffering. I really dont remember the last positive and I already forgot of the trip I had last week I think. Life is just a negative overall.

 

[Angi]

You could go outside for a moment. At least where I live that would be almost painfully cold, plus maybe it helps you move your mind a little. For me most (mental) places are better than cycles of pain, over and over.

 

[TheHatedOne]

You could go outside for a moment. At least where I live that would be almost painfully cold, plus maybe it helps you move your mind a little. For me most (mental) places are better than cycles of pain, over and over.

Its midnight here, but tomorrow for sure i have to go outside to run some errands.

 

[Chronicillness]

Simple post, but profound in its message. I cannot do this anymore, either. I wish for all of us to either get taken mercifully in our sleep, a blissful and unaware passing into paradise, or for our lives to miraculously stumble upon the greatest recorded instance of serendipity to ever have blessed man since time immemorial.

You are not alone. Many here not only hear your struggles, but are deeply sympathetic of them and live a similar reality.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I just like when it hits my head skull i think. i also think that, since a long time, that pain is the only thing i deserve since all that happens in my life is constat let downs, heartbreak, pain and suffering. I really dont remember the last positive and I already forgot of the trip I had last week I think. Life is just a negative overall.

I mean what is it about that you find soothing? The physical process and result of hitting or more so the idea and intent behind it? I ask so that you can find other things to do that may have similar effects. Sometimes things that help - that bring any sort of temporary relief or distraction - stop working without warning. It is an abrupt and devastating bereavement, one that plunged me further into wanting to die. Any small comfort to make the moment bearable, and even that was taken from me.

I don't disagree with you about life being negative. Everyone has their own perspective and those who say life is good can only speak from what they know.

 

[Wrennie]

I just like when it hits my head skull i think. i also think that, since a long time, that pain is the only thing i deserve since all that happens in my life is constat let downs, heartbreak, pain and suffering. I really dont remember the last positive and I already forgot of the trip I had last week I think. Life is just a negative overall.

I used to crave the surge of pain & adrenaline that accompanied self-harm because it was almost giving physical, tangible form to my despair (which people would often dismiss so long as it remained mental). I always deeply regretted it afterward though because of the bruising and swelling and overall realization of what I'd done to myself.
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so much distress that you've resorted to hurting yourself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Have you tried other coping mechanisms to soothe yourself when you're in the throes of existential torment? I find that music helps me to escape, and spending time around animals.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I mean what is it about that you find soothing? The physical process and result of hitting or more so the idea and intent behind it? I ask so that you can find other things to do that may have similar effects. Sometimes things that help - that bring any sort of temporary relief or distraction - stop working without warning. It is an abrupt and devastating bereavement, one that plunged me further into wanting to die. Any small comfort to make the moment bearable, and even that was taken from me.

I don't disagree with you about life being negative. Everyone has their own perspective and those who say life is good can only speak from what they know.

i just ... how to say, i like it when i pain myself because it's all I know in life. and i find that it's the only thing i dserve.

I used to crave the surge of pain & adrenaline that accompanied self-harm because it was almost giving physical, tangible form to my despair (which people would often dismiss so long as it remained mental). I always deeply regretted it afterward though because of the bruising and swelling and overall realization of what I'd done to myself.
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so much distress that you've resorted to hurting yourself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Have you tried other coping mechanisms to soothe yourself when you're in the throes of existential torment? I find that music helps me to escape, and spending time around animals.

i'm listening to dark creepy music atm and it kinda helps me, but doesn't change the fact that all i deserve is pain.

 

[Wrennie]

i just ... how to say, i like it when i pain myself because it's all I know in life. and i find that it's the only thing i dserve.

i'm listening to dark creepy music atm and it kinda helps me, but doesn't change the fact that all i deserve is pain.

I'm drawn to dark atmospheric music as well. I don't think you deserve to be in pain, but I do understand where you're coming from because I often feel the exact same way.

 

[lostautist]

i'm listening to dark creepy music atm and it kinda helps me

I do the same.

 

[Angi]

Its midnight here, but tomorrow for sure i have to go outside to run some errands.

I did not mean to send you on long walks outside, just a brisk wave of painfully cold air, right now. I am sure you feel you deserve pain, been there, but I hope you can find a bearable way for yourself.

 

[miserableforever]

Simple post, but profound in its message. I cannot do this anymore, either. I wish for all of us to either get taken mercifully in our sleep, a blissful and unaware passing into paradise, or for our lives to miraculously stumble upon the greatest recorded instance of serendipity to ever have blessed man since time immemorial.

You are not alone. Many here not only hear your struggles, but are deeply sympathetic of them and live a similar reality.

^

I used to crave the surge of pain & adrenaline that accompanied self-harm because it was almost giving physical, tangible form to my despair (which people would often dismiss so long as it remained mental). I always deeply regretted it afterward though because of the bruising and swelling and overall realization of what I'd done to myself.
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so much distress that you've resorted to hurting yourself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Have you tried other coping mechanisms to soothe yourself when you're in the throes of existential torment? I find that music helps me to escape, and spending time around animals.

Awwww I'd love to be around animals. Stupid city I live in, we don't have those here.

 

[myopybyproxy]

i just ... how to say, i like it when i pain myself because it's all I know in life. and i find that it's the only thing i dserve.

i'm listening to dark creepy music atm and it kinda helps me, but doesn't change the fact that all i deserve is pain.

Comfort of the familiar perhaps? I know that feeling well. I keep rolling around in my own figurative (?) metaphysical (?) shit because it is warm and I lack the momentum (?) internal push to leave (?) I am forgetting how to speak now. Great. Impetus? And yet every cell in my body is crying to escape - every moment hurts. I have no advice at this point for you. Only the knowledge that you are not alone in feeling this horrid. No matter how profoundly lonely you feel. Isolated from everyone and drifting away.

There are no fronts to project anymore. In giving up, I find a peculiar sense of freedom. It is that which keeps me from succeeding, I think, beyond survival instinct.

May I recommend Insanity - dark creepy song that sometimes made me feel less alone and sometimes made me feel like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I rarely listen to it anymore because it is a trigger. But to my recollection, it was a good song, when I used to listen to it.

 

[Wrennie]

Comfort of the familiar perhaps? I know that feeling well. I keep rolling around in my own shit because it is warm and I lack the momentum (?) internal push to leave (?) I am forgetting how to speak now. Great. Impetus? And yet every cell in my body is crying to escape - every moment hurts. I have no advice at this point for you. Only the knowledge that you are not alone in feeling this horrid. No matter how profoundly lonely you feel. Isolated from everyone and drifting away.

There are no fronts to project anymore. In giving up, I find a peculiar sense of freedom. It is that which keeps me from succeeding, I think, beyond survival instinct.

May I recommend Insanity - dark creepy song that sometimes made me feel less alone and sometimes made me feel like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I rarely listen to it anymore because it is a trigger. But to my recollection, it was a good song, when I used to listen to it.

That's unironically the song I've been listening to on loop these past few days.
It's calming yet unsettling.