Please can someone talk to me

[dudebl]

My life is a disaster, I'm 36 and live with my mother unemployed- I used to have a six figure job, but quit due to burnout. I figured I'd get something after some time of rest and relaxation, but that has turned into 3 years of unemployment due to depression and anxiety.

I used to always be a top engineer, exceeding at every task and working my way up constantly.

To add to this I got a misdemeanor (while still at my last job for saying the f-word around a cop - disorderly conduct).

I'll never rebuild my life, especially at my age, with the job market, being stuck in Cleveland where opportunity doesn't exist, my gap in work… my life is over.

I went from so much potential to ruining it all. Now I'm sentenced to never showing my true skills or using them again and probably never finding a job making enough to fully support myself.

I really can't go on, I can't go on knowing everything I lost, the shame, the remorse.

I want to die so bad, but can't get myself to do it, because of the tiny bit of hope my mom puts in me things will get better, which I know they won't. Also the fear of failing and resulting off worse.

I need someone to talk to me.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

You should be proud that you worked at one point. Engineering is a noble career path imo.

I'm 34 and I've never worked due to mental illness and disability.

 

[Dingusguy]

I'll talk, not sure what I can say but I'll talk.
I am sorry to hear what happened to you, I really am. I can't relate to what you're going through but I can imagine loosing so much is terrifying. I suppose I should be glad I never made anything of myself

I want to offer words that'll encourage you even if that might not be what you want or need. You're an engineer so want to believe you can find something new, a way out or claw your way back up. But from experience, I understand that beginning to attempt something like that is not only hard but downright daunting. Still I hope you'll manage somehow.

 

[MyShadow]

Depression and anxiety are brutal. They undermine our ability to make good decisions, to make ANY decisions. I feel for you because I am there with you. I hope that you are getting the help that you need and I am glad that your mom is there for you. I know it's hard but you are probably where you need to be now. I hope you find solutions and peace.

 

[hippiedeath]

I spent most of my life just lost. I've been able to work pt the past few years. I'm proud of myself for working, even if it's just a small amount. I thought about engineering when I was 18, but the math would have killed me. Should have let the math kill me lol.

 

[dudebl]

I spent most of my life just lost. I've been able to work pt the past few years. I'm proud of myself for working, even if it's just a small amount. I thought about engineering when I was 18, but the math would have killed me. Should have let the math kill me lol.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking.

 

[•_still_here_•]

My life is a disaster, I'm 36 and live with my mother unemployed- I used to have a six figure job, but quit due to burnout. I figured I'd get something after some time of rest and relaxation, but that has turned into 3 years of unemployment due to depression and anxiety.

I used to always be a top engineer, exceeding at every task and working my way up constantly.

To add to this I got a misdemeanor (while still at my last job for saying the f-word around a cop - disorderly conduct).

I'll never rebuild my life, especially at my age, with the job market, being stuck in Cleveland where opportunity doesn't exist, my gap in work… my life is over.

I went from so much potential to ruining it all. Now I'm sentenced to never showing my true skills or using them again and probably never finding a job making enough to fully support myself.

I really can't go on, I can't go on knowing everything I lost, the shame, the remorse.

I want to die so bad, but can't get myself to do it, because of the tiny bit of hope my mom puts in me things will get better, which I know they won't. Also the fear of failing and resulting off worse.

I need someone to talk to me.

I kinda don't really have anything to say about what you're going through since well....I've never had a job to begin with. But, I just wanna say that you should stick around for at least a little longer. Just one more night, k? Just open a window and take in the fresh air outside or maybe go and just sit beside your mom. She seems pretty sweet, you're really lucky for that, y'know? And as for the fear of failing well, might be really immature, well I'm sure it is pretty immature, but even if you do fail, what do you have to lose anyways? It's either you can try something and maybe succeed or just stay like this and feel even bad about yourself and probably end up dead. I'm sorry if what I said just sounded really frustrating and immature, that's kinda the only thing I can say to you.
I hope your life gets better.ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧