Playing with meds as a form of self harm

[stilhavinightmares]

Does anyone do this? I've done it a lot over the years and recently. I'll just overdose slightly on meds that I have at home just to see how they feel and with a small hope they will kill me maybe. Obviously they never have. But it makes me feel better (the same as cutting did, binge eating, drugs, etc). I feel like nobody talks about this.

 

[crxssedho3]

i had a phase where I did this with every medicine in my dads cabinet like one day was equal to trying out a new one and seeing if it'll 1) kill me or 2) give me a buzz if it was 2 I'd take them to my room. However pill popping like that never made me feel as good as things like binging/starving and smoking weed does so I stopped that but still look up every medicine in the cabinet when I go to someone's house

 

[stilhavinightmares]

i had a phase where I did this with every medicine in my dads cabinet like one day was equal to trying out a new one and seeing if it'll 1) kill me or 2) give me a buzz if it was 2 I'd take them to my room. However pill popping like that never made me feel as good as things like binging/starving and smoking weed does so I stopped that but still look up every medicine in the cabinet when I go to someone's house

Wow that's intense. So you feel like it did for you what bingeing/restricting and weed did for you, just not as good? I feel that way too but this leaves less marks that others can see (I'm gaining weight from bingeing and feel disgusting ).

 

[crxssedho3]

Wow that's intense. So you feel like it did for you what bingeing/restricting and weed did for you, just not as good? I feel that way too but this leaves less marks that others can see (I'm gaining weight from bingeing and feel disgusting ).

Yes it feels the same it's like a relief feeling when I swallow something I'm not supposed to. Maybe it's hope? Like hopefully it kills me type thing. But having control over everything I eat is better, I couldn't choose what meds I'd find if that makes sense but controlling my body and mouth is a good stress relief for me. But I don't binge as much anymore mostly just restrict and go to the gym like crazy,like my new form of self harm and weed is a really good preworkout i wish I could still binge tho but with my living situation it's embarrassing and I'd get called out for it. As for the weight gain binging is best if you don't do it everyday I always saved it as a reward I found that eating whatever I wanted every night made me hate myself more, again for me it's more about control I hope you find something that works out better for you. Returning to a normal eating regimen for a bit should help you drop the weight pretty quick tho

 

[serah]

yup. thinking abt taking 90+ (some 50g others 100g) pills of setraline to see what happens.

 

[bug_muncher]

Yeah, I have done this repeatedly over the years specifically with acetaminophen. I don't do it much recently since my last time I took a bit too much and was vomiting all night (not fun) and yet I still long to do it sometimes. I think because the feeling of being so ill takes my mind off of everything else?

 

[undecided]

yup. thinking abt taking 90+ (some 50g others 100g) pills of setraline to see what happens.

You'll probably just vomit them back up.

 

[serah]

You'll probably just vomit them back up.

ive taken a large amount b4 and didnt throw up thankfully but yes its certainly a possibility you're right.

 

[undecided]

ive taken a large amount b4 and didnt throw up thankfully but yes its certainly a possibility you're right.

Antidepressant medication is designed these days, because of the nature of the illness, that if you overdose, you will vomit.

 

[lillmonix3]

I also "play" with mes. I do not overdose, on the contrary, I do not take them, or I take them in smaller quantities. I don't know if this can be attributed to your question.



I also started keeping an excel table with my selfharm methods and giving them an assessment and various descriptions and comments. I plan to publish it somewhere on the eve of my suicide.

 

[not_telling]

That sounds like an interesting method. Adds a bit of "gambling"? Well anyway, thanks for sharing. If I can get my hands on some medication that seems worth trying I'll come back here to say what I felt! To this day I've only overdosed a bit on antihistamines, those dropped me down to sleep really well but it wasn't cost efficient at all.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Yeahh I used to do it with meds my mom had when I lived with her. Now sometimes with my own or taking em with alcohol or smthin.

These days as I take baths a lot Im always slighty hoping I can take enough to pass out in the bath.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Yes it feels the same it's like a relief feeling when I swallow something I'm not supposed to. Maybe it's hope? Like hopefully it kills me type thing. But having control over everything I eat is better, I couldn't choose what meds I'd find if that makes sense but controlling my body and mouth is a good stress relief for me. But I don't binge as much anymore mostly just restrict and go to the gym like crazy,like my new form of self harm and weed is a really good preworkout i wish I could still binge tho but with my living situation it's embarrassing and I'd get called out for it. As for the weight gain binging is best if you don't do it everyday I always saved it as a reward I found that eating whatever I wanted every night made me hate myself more, again for me it's more about control I hope you find something that works out better for you. Returning to a normal eating regimen for a bit should help you drop the weight pretty quick tho

I get that hope/excitement too that maybe if I take a bunch of meds before bed I won't wake up. But I have. I definitely hear you on the bingeing thing and the weed…weed makes the bingeing worse for me tho so it's such a bad combo but also so good. I struggle so hard getting to a normal eating regimen. It's so bad

Yeahh I used to do it with meds my mom had when I lived with her. Now sometimes with my own or taking em with alcohol or smthin.

These days as I take baths a lot Im always slighty hoping I can take enough to pass out in the bath.

Why do you think you do it?

Also what if you pass out and have to be brought to the hospital and they find out? That's my fear so I mostly do it before bed.