Planning on CBT in 10 days...

[DeathPaloma]

Why 10 days, no clue it was an arbitrary choice, I am not going to talk motive, just the overall plan to see what you guys think. I wrote a letter for my family, and I am going to try and be rational and not emotional about this.

I tried cutting in the past and even though in my mind it seems like the most fitting way to go, it's so hard and painfull I came to the conclusion I am just not inpulsive enough to do it like that.

So I plan on jumping from a building I am.currently looking for the best place in my town I want it to have at leat 10 floors and I would prefer to hit the ground and not water (so no bridges), cause I don't want to drown it sounds too awful, again preferably a more remote place so that it's harder to find me therefore more likely for me to die.


I don't want to die, but I don't want to live. I really wish assisted suicide was a thing even if I had to pay for it. It would be less horrible. But at lass...

Rationally dying makes more sense than suffering to me.
The point of the time is a chance for me to average what I think the future at least the near future will be. I will.make records of each day. How much pain etc. If most of them are as I expect, shit. Then that is it.

Idk what want with this post encouragement? Empathy maybe? People that get it.

 

[Dliena]

Whatever you decide to do you have my support OP and wishing you eternal peace from this cruel sadistic place.

 

[heisenberg]

you're with a bunch of people on this site that get it. making the decision to CTB is hard when you don't want to live, but don't want to die either like you said. day to day life can be so unpredictable, but at the end of the day it's the wanting to CTB that brings us all here. i hope you're able to find peace in whatever decision you choose and wherever you decide to go.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it extreme cruelty how the option of assisted suicide isn't available for people, I really understand why you'd wish for that. But anyway best of luck, I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[dizzdesi]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain OP. I find it very brave of you to set a date (my idea of planning is just "oh…maybe I'll ctb before my 28th birthday…" but we'll see). I'm glad you have a sense of your method as well, makes a huge difference. I hope that whatever happens, you're happy with your decision and are at peace—whether alive or not

 

[DeathPaloma]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain OP. I find it very brave of you to set a date (my idea of planning is just "oh…maybe I'll ctb before my 28th birthday…" but we'll see). I'm glad you have a sense of your method as well, makes a huge difference. I hope that whatever happens, you're happy with your decision and are at peace—whether alive or not

I don´t think I will be happy either way, that is sort of the point. LOL. I actually very scared. But rationally I think the pain of living will be greater than the pain of dying. I don´t think I am brave at all. But thanks. But if in the end of the actually eleven, (cause I literaly can´t leave the house on sunday, so I will skip work on monday to CBT) any way if in the end more than half my days are unhappy 5/10 of the days, I will try my best to do it.

Why 10 days, no clue it was an arbitrary choice, I am not going to talk motive, just the overall plan to see what you guys think. I wrote a letter for my family, and I am going to try and be rational and not emotional about this.

I tried cutting in the past and even though in my mind it seems like the most fitting way to go, it's so hard and painfull I came to the conclusion I am just not inpulsive enough to do it like that.

So I plan on jumping from a building I am.currently looking for the best place in my town I want it to have at leat 10 floors and I would prefer to hit the ground and not water (so no bridges), cause I don't want to drown it sounds too awful, again preferably a more remote place so that it's harder to find me therefore more likely for me to die.


I don't want to die, but I don't want to live. I really wish assisted suicide was a thing even if I had to pay for it. It would be less horrible. But at lass...

Rationally dying makes more sense than suffering to me.
The point of the time is a chance for me to average what I think the future at least the near future will be. I will.make records of each day. How much pain etc. If most of them are as I expect, shit. Then that is it.

Idk what want with this post encouragement? Empathy maybe? People that get it.

Why 10 days, no clue it was an arbitrary choice, I am not going to talk motive, just the overall plan to see what you guys think. I wrote a letter for my family, and I am going to try and be rational and not emotional about this.

I tried cutting in the past and even though in my mind it seems like the most fitting way to go, it's so hard and painfull I came to the conclusion I am just not inpulsive enough to do it like that.

So I plan on jumping from a building I am.currently looking for the best place in my town I want it to have at leat 10 floors and I would prefer to hit the ground and not water (so no bridges), cause I don't want to drown it sounds too awful, again preferably a more remote place so that it's harder to find me therefore more likely for me to die.


I don't want to die, but I don't want to live. I really wish assisted suicide was a thing even if I had to pay for it. It would be less horrible. But at lass...

Rationally dying makes more sense than suffering to me.
The point of the time is a chance for me to average what I think the future at least the near future will be. I will.make records of each day. How much pain etc. If most of them are as I expect, shit. Then that is it.

Idk what want with this post encouragement? Empathy maybe? People that get it.

I just realized I will die without ever kissing someone extra yay

 

[iloverachel]

Hello my friend are you there