Planning it somehow makes me less likely to CTB, I think

[spacefreightergirl]

I think the feeling of having a possible, clear backup calms me down. I'm starting to write my letter that they'll probably read if I do it anytime soon and it's calming me down, if anything. Like I can just quit this life if I want to. I guess it's easier than it could be to other people since I don't have a lot to say to anyone, it's mostly saying sorry and clarifying that no one in particular was the cause. The last thing I want is for someone to feel guilty.

 

[peacebenow]

I am finding it differently. Actively planning it is making it acutely viscerally real for me. maybe because it is no longer a backup to me like it once was. glad you are finding a calm.

 

[BrainSplatter]

I am finding it differently. Actively planning it is making it acutely viscerally real for me. maybe because it is no longer a backup to me like it once was. glad you are finding a calm.

Yeah same here it's not longer a back up it's my only thought right now and it's taken my a while to build up the motivation to follow through with my plans which I'm currently doing now and I've created a list of all I need to do prior to death and I feel more motivated than ever I've written multiple letters I'll be enclosing some old photos with them and I've documented my suffering for others and made journals boxed all my possessions and made a list of names of who I'll leave it all to I just need to write my will and finish the memory box for my child then I'll CTB and be at peace

 

[littlebiird]

I think the feeling of having a possible, clear backup calms me down. I'm starting to write my letter that they'll probably read if I do it anytime soon and it's calming me down, if anything. Like I can just quit this life if I want to. I guess it's easier than it could be to other people since I don't have a lot to say to anyone, it's mostly saying sorry and clarifying that no one in particular was the cause. The last thing I want is for someone to feel guilty.

I get it. I have my stuff coming in and I'm getting my things in order and I feel so much calmer than ever. I even managed a smile today.
Knowing I have a way out, (soon to be) on hand, makes it so much easier. I can do it as soon as it arrives. Or in a week. Or month. Whenever I want to. It's entirely within my control now - and I think that's what makes it easier.