3/4Dead
Peace, Love, Empathy
- Feb 27, 2024
- 450
Hi.
my questions are bolded and italicized for easier reading if you're not interested in the context
I've wanted to die since I was maybe eight or so, and despite the claims things get better we're about 10, almost 11 years deep and I spot no change in sight. I of course want to fully give it time - live before I die - so I'm going to try my best to be around for a while longer before I dive into catching the bus.
I'm deciding when will be the right time, and having difficulty. Before, I was going to wait for my mom to die (she's terminally ill, so I assumed like an idiot that I'd maybe only be stuck living another 20-30 more years) since I didn't think she could handle my death, let alone suicide, but I've been realizing through our discussions and reflection that she'd actually probably be fine if given ample time to distance herself from me prior. Additionally, I have one very close friend I'm particularly concerned about. He's about 20 years my senior so I'll statistically outlive him but not any damn time soon. I think he could handle it, but the impact would be great, and I know that it would hurt him beyond my comprehension. I'm not quite sure when to check out; since I think I could certainly put enough space between myself and my mother, but not my friend probably. What can I do to lessen the impact on him?
Deciding on a method has been the bane of my existence. I don't expect anyone to choose one for me, but I would like some pointers on where to look. I've been leaning on leaving the country, offing myself elsewhere, leaving the important things behind (notes, instructions etc.) and begging in my letter not to be identified (as I've seen a John Doe do previously) and request to be buried in the country I am in (I would like to give myself to the earth; bodies provide well for soil. If I am to pursue this process, what country might be the best to choose? Anything I should be careful of for identification? I figure it might be easier for the people who know me to just believe I've gone missing in a foreign country than dead (most everyone knows I have pre-written notes, so that shouldn't really raise suspicion). I planned to purchase a gun and shoot myself, but if I choose to go to a different country I know it would be hard to bring the gun with me. I also know that in case of unlikely ID the corpse will be gruesome, so I would like to avoid a gunshot. I do not want to OD, as I've done so by accident before and even if I feel an inch of what I did then I don't want it. I would certainly struggle to obtain something like SN or N, and hanging seems like I would struggle to overcome SI. Aside from methods adjacent to these, what should I look into?
Of course only I can decide for myself when it is time, and how it will be done, but I'm finding it difficult to answer these questions in particular.
Thank you in advance!!
my questions are bolded and italicized for easier reading if you're not interested in the context
I've wanted to die since I was maybe eight or so, and despite the claims things get better we're about 10, almost 11 years deep and I spot no change in sight. I of course want to fully give it time - live before I die - so I'm going to try my best to be around for a while longer before I dive into catching the bus.
I'm deciding when will be the right time, and having difficulty. Before, I was going to wait for my mom to die (she's terminally ill, so I assumed like an idiot that I'd maybe only be stuck living another 20-30 more years) since I didn't think she could handle my death, let alone suicide, but I've been realizing through our discussions and reflection that she'd actually probably be fine if given ample time to distance herself from me prior. Additionally, I have one very close friend I'm particularly concerned about. He's about 20 years my senior so I'll statistically outlive him but not any damn time soon. I think he could handle it, but the impact would be great, and I know that it would hurt him beyond my comprehension. I'm not quite sure when to check out; since I think I could certainly put enough space between myself and my mother, but not my friend probably. What can I do to lessen the impact on him?
Deciding on a method has been the bane of my existence. I don't expect anyone to choose one for me, but I would like some pointers on where to look. I've been leaning on leaving the country, offing myself elsewhere, leaving the important things behind (notes, instructions etc.) and begging in my letter not to be identified (as I've seen a John Doe do previously) and request to be buried in the country I am in (I would like to give myself to the earth; bodies provide well for soil. If I am to pursue this process, what country might be the best to choose? Anything I should be careful of for identification? I figure it might be easier for the people who know me to just believe I've gone missing in a foreign country than dead (most everyone knows I have pre-written notes, so that shouldn't really raise suspicion). I planned to purchase a gun and shoot myself, but if I choose to go to a different country I know it would be hard to bring the gun with me. I also know that in case of unlikely ID the corpse will be gruesome, so I would like to avoid a gunshot. I do not want to OD, as I've done so by accident before and even if I feel an inch of what I did then I don't want it. I would certainly struggle to obtain something like SN or N, and hanging seems like I would struggle to overcome SI. Aside from methods adjacent to these, what should I look into?
Of course only I can decide for myself when it is time, and how it will be done, but I'm finding it difficult to answer these questions in particular.
Thank you in advance!!
