Monday I had a kinda good day and it's fucking me up. I was out of the house for several hours, which I hadn't been in months. I had therapy, went for a drive listening to my music loud, and went grocery shopping. I don't like admitting to myself it felt nice. Enjoying music, the sunshine, and the thought of being noticed by others.
I had to go back to therapy in order to see a psychiatrist, to hopefully get prescribed Seroquel, Klonopin, something with a sedative quality- to assist in CTB (asphyxiation). But now my social anxiety and hypervigilance is subsiding, my low libido as well. I think I let myself get too bored for too long. Late August was prime for an attempt. I felt impulsive and desperate, but got scared and "got help"...which of course was disappointing. Quit after a month and plunged into numbness and anhedonia.
I think I've been deceiving myself I could actually plan my suicide. My mind is too fucking erratic!
I had to go back to therapy in order to see a psychiatrist, to hopefully get prescribed Seroquel, Klonopin, something with a sedative quality- to assist in CTB (asphyxiation). But now my social anxiety and hypervigilance is subsiding, my low libido as well. I think I let myself get too bored for too long. Late August was prime for an attempt. I felt impulsive and desperate, but got scared and "got help"...which of course was disappointing. Quit after a month and plunged into numbness and anhedonia.
I think I've been deceiving myself I could actually plan my suicide. My mind is too fucking erratic!
