Venting Picking dates doesn't work for me

[MiMif]

My suicidability the days before my date is usually through the roof. However when the actual day comes Im calm and not as passionate.
Might sound weird but I want a passionate suicide. I want to go out with a smile. So when I don't feel passionate I don't do it. But my passion always vanished on the day of so it's hard.
I'ma stop making dates and just do it on a whim. That's what I did before but I always failed all my attempts. I usually do it on a whim but failed due to the method not being very good or my inexperience and ignorance in the method

However now I have a sure method...as much as I would like to go by jumping I no longer have high accessible buildings near me. I'm doing night night and cutting.

I'ma stop all the planning I did and just do it when I feel like it. I honestly only started making dates as when I did it on a whim I always failed and figured a date would make me succeed. It hasn't however. I now realize the reason it failed when I did it on a whim was due to me not having a sure method.

Dying is unnecessarily hard for those who want it yet seems easy for those who don't...how unfair and cruel.

 

[barelybetter]

Kinda unrelated, but do you mean cutting your wrists? Because if so, and I mean no offense when I say this, it usually doesn't work and is extremely painful for no reason. Ik it sucks but honestly I'd find a different method if possible.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Making dates don't really work for me either. Actually, I think that planning specific times and all doesn't work for me... it ironically makes me worse than if I were to just spontaneously do it at a random time. Either way, I hope you find peace soon

 

[theboy]

works for those who are 100 percent sure

 

[MiMif]

Kinda unrelated, but do you mean cutting your wrists? Because if so, and I mean no offense when I say this, it usually doesn't work and is extremely painful for no reason. Ik it sucks but honestly I'd find a different method if possible.

Yeah I'm aware of this which is why I'm incorporating night night.

As for the pain...I'm sure your thinking it's unnecessary to do both and it is however I really like seeing blood and have always liked cutting so yeah it's just to satiate that weird desire I have.

works for those who are 100 percent sure

I'm 100% sure I want to die as I've been suicidal for a while ...

What's holding me back however is my need for a passionate death on my part and lack of good planning cause I'm an idiot.

 

[barelybetter]

Yeah I'm aware of this which is why I'm incorporating night night.

As for the pain...I'm sure your thinking it's unnecessary to do both and it is however I really like seeing blood and have always liked cutting so yeah it's just to satiate that weird desire I have.

I'm 100% sure I want to die as I've been suicidal for a while ...

What's holding me back however is my need for a passionate death on my part and lack of good planning cause I'm an idiot.

Hey if it works for you I won't knock it, everyone has their own thing. Personally what holds me back is the feeling its not absolutely needed yet, but you don't struggle with that ig so I can't give any advice on that sorry bro.