Physical illness causing suicidal thoughts (UK)

[Rubypie41]

Hi all,

new to the forum here and from the UK.

Who here has a physical condition that causes their suicidal thoughts?

Long story short in 2019 I developed a very rare condition called patulous eustachian tube dysfunction. This causes you to hear your own voice and breathing unbearably loud to the point where talking almost becomes impossible. I've had various surgeries over the years which haven't completely cured the problem and also introduced further issues. I have relentless clicking in my ear day and night making it difficult to concentrate or even sleep. I also have tinnitus and sharp stabbing pains from within the inner ear. It's a living nightmare to be honest, but from the outside I look completely normal.

I had a great life prior to all these ear problems but now my life is almost nothing. I've been on long term sick for just over 4 months now as things have gotten progressively worse and I barely leave the house.

If these ear problems were taken away I wouldn't have any suicidal thoughts at all, but despite trying everything (surgeries, medications, therapy etc.) nothing has helped.

Feels like I have two options, continue living battling these hell on earth or put an end to it all. The only time I feel at peace is when I do eventually fall asleep and to be honest I wish I could just fall into a deep sleep and never wake up.

Anyway, just thought I would briefly introduce myself and see if anyone else are going through anything similar.

 

[nner]

I'm in the same boat as you.
Progressive tinnitus and hearing loss going worse for the last 8 years. I have adapted quite a few times, but now it's unbearable.
I also find peace when sleeping and wake up to this nightmare again and again.
I don't know what to do, because I love my family and my girlfriend, but I don't see myself dealing with this for 40+ years to come.

It's a really hard situation and I understand you. I also feel that "I look normal from the outside". If people could hear what I hear, they would be a lot more sympathetic.

 

[Dot]

Also FYI

Chronic Illnesses and Physical Diseases Megathread

I have encountered multiple members here who, like myself, have chronic conditions and illnesses. I have met members here with a variety of physical diseases (chronic, terminal or otherwise). I thought it would be useful to have a specific thread for that and a space where people can talk about...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Rubypie41]

I'm in the same boat as you.
Progressive tinnitus and hearing loss going worse for the last 8 years. I have adapted quite a few times, but now it's unbearable.
I also find peace when sleeping and wake up to this nightmare again and again.
I don't know what to do, because I love my family and my girlfriend, but I don't see myself dealing with this for 40+ years to come.

It's a really hard situation and I understand you. I also feel that "I look normal from the outside". If people could hear what I hear, they would be a lot more sympathetic.

Totally sympathise with your situation. People who have never experienced certain conditions simply cannot relate to what it's like and how life impacting it can be. You tell people you have tinnitus and they probably just think it's a slight ringing, but there are varying degrees of severity. I have a friend who has mild tinnitus and it doesn't bother them much, apart from when sat in complete silence. But there are some people who have unbearably loud tinnitus to the point where it drives them crazy and there is no escape.

My ear clicking is so relentless that even other people can hear it when in the same room, even from around 2 or 3 feet away. Imagine trying to sleep with a constant click click click and there is nothing you can do to make it stop. I also have stabbing pains which makes talking a very unpleasant experience, so I hate talking, but at the same time I hate not talking, so I can't win. Either talk and put up with the stabbing pains and be miserable, or not talk and lose all relationships which is also miserable.

I wake up each morning thinking it's all a dream, but then the living nightmare begins all over again.

I've had so many surgeries and all it's done is make the overall situation worse.

Would give nothing more than go have my old life back, but that's just not going to happen.

I'm same as you, 41 years old so cannot imagine carrying on like this for another 40 years or so.

 

[gazap]

Sorry to hear of your struggles. I can relate. I have a muscle wasting disease which will lead to a painful death. Every month or so a new symptom arises, and it gets progressively worse. I too am in the UK. People with my condition get assisted suicide in stone countries but not here, it's a joke. I look forward to the day i draw my last breath

 

[an_alias]

severe arthritis and allergies. i'm locked inside all day because it's the only place i'm safe from anaphylaxis, and my fingers are so swollen and cold that i'm practically crippled. w/ regards to the arthritis, i depend on painkillers to live properly and it makes me feel like a fucking coward - definitely made me a lot more suicide-ideating

 

[Rubypie41]

Sorry to hear of your struggles. I can relate. I have a muscle wasting disease which will lead to a painful death. Every month or so a new symptom arises, and it gets progressively worse. I too am in the UK. People with my condition get assisted suicide in stone countries but not here, it's a joke. I look forward to the day i draw my last breath

Sorry to hear of your struggles too. The UK laws on assisted suicide are a complete joke. It's all about preserving life no matter what the consequences are and how much suffering an individual has to endure. The first thing we say when an animal is suffering is that's cruel and inhumane to let them carry on living like that, but yet we deny humans the same right.

Have you considered Switzerland (Dignitas or Pegasos)?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Life is often so unfair. I hope you find it beneficial to be here!

 

[Rubypie41]

severe arthritis and allergies. i'm locked inside all day because it's the only place i'm safe from anaphylaxis, and my fingers are so swollen and cold that i'm practically crippled. w/ regards to the arthritis, i depend on painkillers to live properly and it makes me feel like a fucking coward - definitely made me a lot more suicide-ideating

Sorry to hear of your struggles, that sounds awful. What painkillers do you take if you don't mind me asking? Why do they make you feel like a coward? You're certainly not that! Anyone else going through what you are would do exactly the same.

 

[sound_wave]

I have been suffering from severe tinnitus for almost 7 years. Having a spike is hell. I wish doctors knew more about this condition.

 

[destinationlosangel]

im so sorry to hear of this. Have u tried any PT ? is this by chance a symptom of Eagles Syndrome? what surgery did u get?

im sorry about too many questions but i have mild symptoms of these and i feel like all of these things may be connected.

im also here cuz of health issues so i totally get what ur going thru.

 

[Rubypie41]

im so sorry to hear of this. Have u tried any PT ? is this by chance a symptom of Eagles Syndrome? what surgery did u get?

im sorry about too many questions but i have mild symptoms of these and i feel like all of these things may be connected.

im also here cuz of health issues so i totally get what ur going thru.

Hi, thanks for your reply.

Yes I've tried CBT, PT, medications, surgeries etc and nothing has helped unfortunately.

It's been 5 long years and I'm just exhausted from it all to be honest.

 

[strangelife]

I feel sorry for you, apparently you have already tried all treatment options in 5 years. Physical illnesses lead to CTB, this is a fact. I also suffer from a neurological disease that made me come here and look for ways to CTB, if it weren't for it, I would be the happiest person in the world

 

[rotciv]

Same boat. Better start to find ways to induce sleep and never wake up.

 

[Ash]

Another one here. Ironically I also have tinnitus but it's pulsatile and I actually find it quite comforting. But chronic pain for weeks on end is exhausting and debilitating and I honestly think they if I didn't already have MH problems, that on its own works drive me to be suicidal anyway.

Shout out to everyone going through their own hell.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Hi all,

new to the forum here and from the UK.

Who here has a physical condition that causes their suicidal thoughts?

Long story short in 2019 I developed a very rare condition called patulous eustachian tube dysfunction. This causes you to hear your own voice and breathing unbearably loud to the point where talking almost becomes impossible. I've had various surgeries over the years which haven't completely cured the problem and also introduced further issues. I have relentless clicking in my ear day and night making it difficult to concentrate or even sleep. I also have tinnitus and sharp stabbing pains from within the inner ear. It's a living nightmare to be honest, but from the outside I look completely normal.

I had a great life prior to all these ear problems but now my life is almost nothing. I've been on long term sick for just over 4 months now as things have gotten progressively worse and I barely leave the house.

If these ear problems were taken away I wouldn't have any suicidal thoughts at all, but despite trying everything (surgeries, medications, therapy etc.) nothing has helped.

Feels like I have two options, continue living battling these hell on earth or put an end to it all. The only time I feel at peace is when I do eventually fall asleep and to be honest I wish I could just fall into a deep sleep and never wake up.

Anyway, just thought I would briefly introduce myself and see if anyone else are going through anything similar.

Similar story. A few years ago, I was happy. Unfortunately, during the pandemic when you couldn't see a doctor, I got addicted to xylometazoline hydrochloride (a nasal spray used to treat congestion). It's designed for short-term use only (7 days maximum) and I used it for 2.5 years. Unfortunately, it's destroyed my nose and I can barely breathe. It's also damaged penis. I've got extreme erectile dysfunction and breathing problems. Logically, euthanasia should be available, but as we live in good old England, I am expected to make the most of a life on benefits; I've been signed off sick because of the breathing problems. What a crap solution? I'm 37 years old, I could live a very long time claiming benefits and being unable to breathe. Luckily, through a contact on this website, I've secured 100grams of SN. Just waiting for the last attempts at fixing me (surgery) and if that doesn't work, I'll CTB later this year. So frustrating having to take SN though, I'd much prefer legalised assisted dying!

Have you also been signed off sick?

 

[Rubypie41]

Similar story. A few years ago, I was happy. Unfortunately, during the pandemic when you couldn't see a doctor, I got addicted to xylometazoline hydrochloride (a nasal spray used to treat congestion). It's designed for short-term use only (7 days maximum) and I used it for 2.5 years. Unfortunately, it's destroyed my nose and I can barely breathe. It's also damaged penis. I've got extreme erectile dysfunction and breathing problems. Logically, euthanasia should be available, but as we live in good old England, I am expected to make the most of a life on benefits; I've been signed off sick because of the breathing problems. What a crap solution? I'm 37 years old, I could live a very long time claiming benefits and being unable to breathe. Luckily, through a contact on this website, I've secured 100grams of SN. Just waiting for the last attempts at fixing me (surgery) and if that doesn't work, I'll CTB later this year. So frustrating having to take SN though, I'd much prefer legalised assisted dying!

Have you also been signed off sick?

So sorry about your situation. Was it the nasal spray that cause your erectile dysfunction? Have you tried viagra or cialis? Can you breathe through your mouth OK? Praying they can do something to help with your nose.

I also have SN and all the necessary antiemetics, diazepam etc.

I also have everything required for the Amitriptyline method.

I have everything for the DDMA method apart from the Morphine. I do have Oxycodone but need to do more research on whether that can be used instead of Morphine and if so at what dosage.

I've also applied with Dignitas and Pegasos and they are reviewing my case currently.

Not that I'm immediately planning to CBT, but just knowing I have something in place if it comes to that gives me comfort.

The panic and anxiety of thinking I will have to live like this forever is almost as crippling as my physical conditions. I honestly believe if we knew we could legally end things in a peaceful way as they do in Switzerland, that we would be more likely to carry on for longer.

Yes, I've been signed off sick since late last year. Fortunately I have savings in place and get 6 months full pay, but time is running out and I'm sure even more panic and anxiety will kick in once I eventually lose my job.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

So sorry about your situation. Was it the nasal spray that cause your erectile dysfunction? Have you tried viagra or cialis? Can you breathe through your mouth OK? Praying they can do something to help with your nose.

I also have SN and all the necessary antiemetics, diazepam etc.

I also have everything required for the Amitriptyline method.

I have everything for the DDMA method apart from the Morphine. I do have Oxycodone but need to do more research on whether that can be used instead of Morphine and if so at what dosage.

I've also applied with Dignitas and Pegasos and they are reviewing my case currently.

Not that I'm immediately planning to CBT, but just knowing I have something in place if it comes to that gives me comfort.

The panic and anxiety of thinking I will have to live like this forever is almost as crippling as my physical conditions. I honestly believe if we knew we could legally end things in a peaceful way as they do in Switzerland, that we would be more likely to carry on for longer.

Yes, I've been signed off sick since late last year. Fortunately I have savings in place and get 6 months full pay, but time is running out and I'm sure even more panic and anxiety will kick in once I eventually lose my job.

Yes, the nasal spray caused the erectile dysfunction as far as I can research it. Link here: https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/erectile-dysfunction/sudafed-erectile-dysfunction

I've tried Viagra and it helps a bit but it's not the same as it was before.

I can breathe through my mouth okay, however I've found continual mouth breathing impossible.
I tried a nose clip and everything. Thanks for praying for my nose. I don't pray myself but it can't do any harm.

I don't have the money for Switzerland, and even if I did, I doubt my case would be severe enough to qualify, but best of luck for your application. SN it is for me.

 

[minusgrader]

So sorry to hear about your condition. It sounds horrendous. I hope i'm not overstepping by asking, but what would happen, theoretically, if you as a last resort were to surgically have your hearing "removed"? Would the issue persist since you're hearing what's happening inside of the body?

 

[Rubypie41]

Yes, the nasal spray caused the erectile dysfunction as far as I can research it. Link here: https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/erectile-dysfunction/sudafed-erectile-dysfunction

I've tried Viagra and it helps a bit but it's not the same as it was before.

I can breathe through my mouth okay, however I've found continual mouth breathing impossible.
I tried a nose clip and everything. Thanks for praying for my nose. I don't pray myself but it can't do any harm.

I don't have the money for Switzerland, and even if I did, I doubt my case would be severe enough to qualify, but best of luck for your application. SN it is for me.

Cialis is like Viagra but longer lasting. You can take Cialis on demand or you can take a daily dose. I know because some of the antidepressant medications I've been on in the past caused ED whilst on them. Maybe a daily dose of Cialis will help restore blood flow and reverse some of restricted blood vessels. Might take some time but it could work. Also get your testosterone levels checked as low T can also cause ED. You might also want to look in to PT-141, that stuff is insane and will give you an erection without fail. Be careful with PT-141 though as it can cause an erection that lasts for hours, which in itself can cause damage to the tissues.

If you can sort out your ED and nose, then would you want to live?

Assume the nose spray has caused damage to your nasal cavities and subsequently caused blockage/congestion?

Hope they can sort it for you. Surely there must be something they can do to reduce your turbinates to create space for air to pass through.

Wishing you all the best and hope some of what I've suggested maybe helps.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Cialis is like Viagra but longer lasting. You can take Cialis on demand or you can take a daily dose. I know because some of the antidepressant medications I've been on in the past caused ED whilst on them. Maybe a daily dose of Cialis will help restore blood flow and reverse some of restricted blood vessels. Might take some time but it could work. Also get your testosterone levels checked as low T can also cause ED. You might also want to look in to PT-141, that stuff is insane and will give you an erection without fail. Be careful with PT-141 though as it can cause an erection that lasts for hours, which in itself can cause damage to the tissues.

If you can sort out your ED and nose, then would you want to live?

Assume the nose spray has caused damage to your nasal cavities and subsequently caused blockage/congestion?

Hope they can sort it for you. Surely there must be something they can do to reduce your turbinates to create space for air to pass through.

Wishing you all the best and hope some of what I've suggested maybe helps.

It does help, thanks.

I'll ask my doc about cialis. I've got a phone appointment with my GP next month to discuss the erectile dysfunction. They've already done the test for low testosterone, I'm waiting for the result. I'll take a look into PT-141 too.

If I could sort out my ED and nose I'd definitely want to live. I love life. Assume the same for you?

The nose spray has made my breathing really weird: it's as if I have to consciously breathe. Like the nerves in the nose are not working. They are trying surgery, but I'm not too optimistic; I'm not an optimistic person by nature, so that would explain that one.

 

[Rubypie41]

So sorry to hear about your condition. It sounds horrendous. I hope i'm not overstepping by asking, but what would happen, theoretically, if you as a last resort were to surgically have your hearing "removed"? Would the issue persist since you're hearing what's happening inside of the body?

I've thought about that myself but no doctor on this planet will purposely make you deaf. There is also no guarantee that making me deaf would get rid of the issues either, as you said the noises are internal so could possibly still be heard. I've had that many surgeries anyway that have caused further issues, so I'm at a stage now where I've simply had enough. Going through surgeries is exhausting in itself, especially for the type of ear related issue I haves, as the results can be very unpredictable. I've had multiple rounds of bioplastique filler injected into my eustachian tube, a shim stitched in, multiple ear tubes, shim removal, more filler etc. Now they are talking about injecting botox in my eustachian tubes and soft palate but said that could mean I can't swallow properly. They are also considering cutting the muscles of the inner ear. I just don't know if I can go through with it when there are so many risks of making things worse. To be honest if I had a guaranteed peaceful way to end myself, I would actually be more willing to try further surgeries. At least then I would have peace of mind that if the surgeries failed or caused further issues, that I have a last option of ending it all. Hope that makes sense.

It does help, thanks.

I'll ask my doc about cialis. I've got a phone appointment with my GP next month to discuss the erectile dysfunction. They've already done the test for low testosterone, I'm waiting for the result. I'll take a look into PT-141 too.

If I could sort out my ED and nose I'd definitely want to live. I love life. Assume the same for you?

The nose spray has made my breathing really weird: it's as if I have to consciously breathe. Like the nerves in the nose are not working. They are trying surgery, but I'm not too optimistic; I'm not an optimistic person by nature, so that would explain that one.

Keep hanging in there mate, I think there is a good possibility that you will get your ED and nose issues sorted out.

The best options for ED are:

1. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra (all work in the same way but some are longer lasting and some people respond better to the different meds)
2. Invicorp - Not a nice option as you have to inject the medication into the shaft of your penis, but it will certainly get the job done
3. PT-141 - You inject this into your belly fat so no big deal at all. This takes hours to kick in, but once it does you will certainly know about it. This one doesn't even require any sexual stimulation, you will simply get a boner without fail. Doctors won't prescribe this though, but it's perfectly legal to purchase from peptide websites
4. Very last option would be a penile implant

Yes, if my ear issues were taken away I would be out there loving life again. Prior to all this I was constantly active, always at the gym, running, eating well, going on holidays, working full time, meals out, family gatherings, cinema etc. But now I just sit at home watching the days go by and hoping by some miracle that I wake up one day without my ear issues, or not wake up at all.

Life is great when you're fit and well, but sucks when you develop chronic debilitating conditions.

 

[minusgrader]

I've thought about that myself but no doctor on this planet will purposely make you deaf. There is also no guarantee that making me deaf would get rid of the issues either, as you said the noises are internal so could possibly still be heard. I've had that many surgeries anyway that have caused further issues, so I'm at a stage now where I've simply had enough. Going through surgeries is exhausting in itself, especially for the type of ear related issue I haves, as the results can be very unpredictable. I've had multiple rounds of bioplastique filler injected into my eustachian tube, a shim stitched in, multiple ear tubes, shim removal, more filler etc. Now they are talking about injecting botox in my eustachian tubes and soft palate but said that could mean I can't swallow properly. They are also considering cutting the muscles of the inner ear. I just don't know if I can go through with it when there are so many risks of making things worse. To be honest if I had a guaranteed peaceful way to end myself, I would actually be more willing to try further surgeries. At least then I would have peace of mind that if the surgeries failed or caused further issues, that I have a last option of ending it all. Hope that makes sense.

It makes total sense. The amount of shit you've gone through is outrageous. Since your condition is rare, i'm guessing that doctors are kinda dumbfounded as to what to do. I could imagine that it would make you feel like a guinea pig at times. And the ears are such a sensitive part of the body as well. Just a simple ear infection or too much ear wax is painful, or just someone screaming too loud. I can't imagine the pain after all these surgeries.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I've thought about that myself but no doctor on this planet will purposely make you deaf. There is also no guarantee that making me deaf would get rid of the issues either, as you said the noises are internal so could possibly still be heard. I've had that many surgeries anyway that have caused further issues, so I'm at a stage now where I've simply had enough. Going through surgeries is exhausting in itself, especially for the type of ear related issue I haves, as the results can be very unpredictable. I've had multiple rounds of bioplastique filler injected into my eustachian tube, a shim stitched in, multiple ear tubes, shim removal, more filler etc. Now they are talking about injecting botox in my eustachian tubes and soft palate but said that could mean I can't swallow properly. They are also considering cutting the muscles of the inner ear. I just don't know if I can go through with it when there are so many risks of making things worse. To be honest if I had a guaranteed peaceful way to end myself, I would actually be more willing to try further surgeries. At least then I would have peace of mind that if the surgeries failed or caused further issues, that I have a last option of ending it all. Hope that makes sense.

Keep hanging in there mate, I think there is a good possibility that you will get your ED and nose issues sorted out.

The best options for ED are:

1. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra (all work in the same way but some are longer lasting and some people respond better to the different meds)
2. Invicorp - Not a nice option as you have to inject the medication into the shaft of your penis, but it will certainly get the job done
3. PT-141 - You inject this into your belly fat so no big deal at all. This takes hours to kick in, but once it does you will certainly know about it. This one doesn't even require any sexual stimulation, you will simply get a boner without fail. Doctors won't prescribe this though, but it's perfectly legal to purchase from peptide websites
4. Very last option would be a penile implant

Yes, if my ear issues were taken away I would be out there loving life again. Prior to all this I was constantly active, always at the gym, running, eating well, going on holidays, working full time, meals out, family gatherings, cinema etc. But now I just sit at home watching the days go by and hoping by some miracle that I wake up one day without my ear issues, or not wake up at all.

Life is great when you're fit and well, but sucks when you develop chronic debilitating conditions.

You're an optimist, which is no bad thing. I have my SN if the situation doesn't improve.

 

[Rubypie41]

It makes total sense. The amount of shit you've gone through is outrageous. Since your condition is rare, i'm guessing that doctors are kinda dumbfounded as to what to do. I could imagine that it would make you feel like a guinea pig at times. And the ears are such a sensitive part of the body as well. Just a simple ear infection or too much ear wax is painful, or just someone screaming too loud. I can't imagine the pain after all these surgeries.

Yeah, my ear conditions are extremely rare. There are only a few ENT surgeons who know anything about the patulous side of things, let alone how to treat it. I even considered going to America but was quoted $75,000! And no guarantee of success. They just keep saying you need to work on your mental health. Yeah OK then, try giving them what I have and they wouldn't be saying that then. It's because that's all they can say when there is no clear route of fixing the physical symptoms. That's what's wrong in so many countries. There are debilitating illnesses that have a profound impact on quality of life, but no matter how severe we are all just expected to carry on regardless.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Yeah, my ear conditions are extremely rare. There are only a few ENT surgeons who know anything about the patulous side of things, let alone how to treat it. I even considered going to America but was quoted $75,000! And no guarantee of success. They just keep saying you need to work on your mental health. Yeah OK then, try giving them what I have and they wouldn't be saying that then. It's because that's all they can say when there is no clear route of fixing the physical symptoms. That's what's wrong in so many countries. There are debilitating illnesses that have a profound impact on quality of life, but no matter how severe we are all just expected to carry on regardless.

Couldn't agree more. Lots of here on SaSu are too sick to work, not sick enough for Switzerland!

 

[gazap]

Sorry to hear of your struggles too. The UK laws on assisted suicide are a complete joke. It's all about preserving life no matter what the consequences are and how much suffering an individual has to endure. The first thing we say when an animal is suffering is that's cruel and inhumane to let them carry on living like that, but yet we deny humans the same right.

Have you considered Switzerland (Dignitas or Pegasos)?

You're so right. Apparently we're a progressive country! It's every humans right to choose his or her death. They're denying us a peaceful death. Don't they understand that we'll just find another means, one that's going to be more traumatic for the sufferer and their family?

I have been looking into dignitas but i can't afford it. It'll cost me about 15,000 pounds. Also, it will be hard for me to travel due to my disability.

I had to put my dog to sleep last week. He was diagnosed in November with cancer. It was a duty as his owner to not let him suffer. I could see him deteriorating. I was commended by everyone for doing the right thing. Yet I'm supposed to suffer. The irony is beyond laughable.

Private message me anytime if you want to chat or vent

 

[Rubypie41]

You're so right. Apparently we're a progressive country! It's every humans right to choose his or her death. They're denying us a peaceful death. Don't they understand that we'll just find another means, one that's going to be more traumatic for the sufferer and their family?

I have been looking into dignitas but i can't afford it. It'll cost me about 15,000 pounds. Also, it will be hard for me to travel due to my disability.

I had to put my dog to sleep last week. He was diagnosed in November with cancer. It was a duty as his owner to not let him suffer. I could see him deteriorating. I was commended by everyone for doing the right thing. Yet I'm supposed to suffer. The irony is beyond laughable.

Private message me anytime if you want to chat or vent

Sorry to hear of your struggles, I truly am.

The irony is certainly beyond laughable.

I've been in contact with both Pegasos and Dignitas who are currently reviewing my case. I've not paid anything as of yet as my main worry is not getting approved and losing money. I'd rather CBT and leave all my money to my partner than to lose money getting declined. I won't pay them anything until they have reviewed my case and confirm if they think I have a good chance of getting accepted.

The only thing stopping me from doing it myself when and if the time comes is sourcing enough Morphine, which seems to be almost impossible to get over here. PM me anytime you want.