LunarLight
i'm a loser, a failure
- Apr 3, 2024
- 1,371
I could order phenobarbital or primidone but I read that they were long-acting barbiturates and as such, you need as much as three days to die on lethal doses.
I would inevitably be found by my partner, who would call an ambulance. I would be saved, maybe with permanent brain damage.
It sucks. It fucking sucks.
I'm sick of it. I just want to end it all. I could jump in front of a train but I'm such a coward. And I don't want to traumatize the bystanders. And where I live, there are no firearms available.
I just want a peaceful death. I'm so jealous of people who passed away with N. The few people who survived a N overdose described it as particularly peaceful, you just fall asleep without noticing and that's all. The void.
Maybe I could mix barbiturates with H, F, RC opiates/benzos? But I have such a huge tolerance to opiates. I could snort up to 1,5g of H per day last year, and I wouldn't even be high. (That's why I quit lol).
And now when I occasionally do opiates, my tolerance seems to be still as high as before.
Do you think mixing barbiturates with benzos/opiates would guarantee peaceful death within hours? With some AEs to prevent vomiting. I could do it at night just after my partner falls asleep, so that I'm already dead when they wake up. But I find it risky.
They won't be home from 11th to 15th but I don't have time to order the stuff I need to CTB for it to arrive before they leave.
What do you think?
I would inevitably be found by my partner, who would call an ambulance. I would be saved, maybe with permanent brain damage.
It sucks. It fucking sucks.
I'm sick of it. I just want to end it all. I could jump in front of a train but I'm such a coward. And I don't want to traumatize the bystanders. And where I live, there are no firearms available.
I just want a peaceful death. I'm so jealous of people who passed away with N. The few people who survived a N overdose described it as particularly peaceful, you just fall asleep without noticing and that's all. The void.
Maybe I could mix barbiturates with H, F, RC opiates/benzos? But I have such a huge tolerance to opiates. I could snort up to 1,5g of H per day last year, and I wouldn't even be high. (That's why I quit lol).
And now when I occasionally do opiates, my tolerance seems to be still as high as before.
Do you think mixing barbiturates with benzos/opiates would guarantee peaceful death within hours? With some AEs to prevent vomiting. I could do it at night just after my partner falls asleep, so that I'm already dead when they wake up. But I find it risky.
They won't be home from 11th to 15th but I don't have time to order the stuff I need to CTB for it to arrive before they leave.
What do you think?