Pet Death; Worried About My Mental Stability

[koweday]

Hi everyone, I've never made my own post before so I hope I'm doing this right.

I had to humanely let my best buddy go last night and I am beside myself with grief. He was my only support system and I feel so alone and devastated. Normally I'd cuddle with him when I felt this way, and now I have no one.

I begged the universe to let me die with him but sadly my heart is still beating. I have two other pets and I recently started therapy because I want to make it longer in life, but I worry the loss of my best friend is going to change this and I'll ctb.

Has anyone been through this? I know some people will say it's silly, but I had a very special bond with this particular animal and he was my constant through some major trauma in my life. He was my rock for 17 years and I don't have anyone I can call for even a hug.

Any shared experience or advice on how to work through this and not impulsively ctb would mean everything

 

[LifeHasNoOptIn]

I'm so sorry you lost your companion of 17 years. There is nothing silly about being devastated by this. He was a major part of you life and support and that's a difficult void to fill. I had to say goodbye to my 16 year old cat almost exactly a year ago and can totally understand how painful it can be. I was fortunate that I still have my other cat to grieve with and still have a cuddle companion. I know this will be hard and I wish I had something to say that would make it easier, but sadly it just takes time for it not to hurt so much.

For what it's worth, I'm sending love and hugs in the hope that it can help console you in this very difficult time.

 

[Mtnwildflowers]

Hi everyone, I've never made my own post before so I hope I'm doing this right.

I had to humanely let my best buddy go last night and I am beside myself with grief. He was my only support system and I feel so alone and devastated. Normally I'd cuddle with him when I felt this way, and now I have no one.

I begged the universe to let me die with him but sadly my heart is still beating. I have two other pets and I recently started therapy because I want to make it longer in life, but I worry the loss of my best friend is going to change this and I'll ctb.

Has anyone been through this? I know some people will say it's silly, but I had a very special bond with this particular animal and he was my constant through some major trauma in my life. He was my rock for 17 years and I don't have anyone I can call for even a hug.

Any shared experience or advice on how to work through this and not impulsively ctb would mean everything

I feel this so much I live for my dog. She is 4 and I have a hard time going through with suicide because of her. I'm pretty sure I'll die the moment she dies. I'm so scared for that. My heart hurts for you because I know how much a pet can mean. Mine is my world.

 

[Z-bar]

You are meant to love more animals the world doesn't have enough of us we need you. You should rescue an animal that needs your loving. I'm telling you it's the best idea help a loving animal that will love you forever for saving em from a shelter,

it won't replace the lost, but you just have to keep on loving man..

 

[koweday]

I'm so sorry you lost your companion of 17 years. There is nothing silly about being devastated by this. He was a major part of you life and support and that's a difficult void to fill. I had to say goodbye to my 16 year old cat almost exactly a year ago and can totally understand how painful it can be. I was fortunate that I still have my other cat to grieve with and still have a cuddle companion. I know this will be hard and I wish I had something to say that would make it easier, but sadly it just takes time for it not to hurt so much.

For what it's worth, I'm sending love and hugs in the hope that it can help console you in this very difficult time.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, it means so much. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in spirit, even if I have to be alone at home

I feel this so much I live for my dog. She is 4 and I have a hard time going through with suicide because of her. I'm pretty sure I'll die the moment she dies. I'm so scared for that. My heart hurts for you because I know how much a pet can mean. Mine is my world.

My cat was my only reason for not ctb all these years. I lived for him, he gave me a reason to stay. I don't know how to do this without him, I wish I had someone to hug.

You are meant to love more animals the world doesn't have enough of us we need you. You should rescue an animal that needs your loving. I'm telling you it's the best idea help a loving animal that will love you forever for saving em from a shelter,

it won't replace the lost, but you just have to keep on loving man..

Thank you so much for your message. It gave me a small ray of hope in this dark time that I can possibly use all this extra love to help other animals. I know my boy would have wanted that for me. Thank you

 

[AliceTheGoon]

17 is a good long life for a cat, many times their quality of life takes a nosedive soon after that. I'd take comfort that you gave him good years and knew when it was the right time to let go. I had a cat that was my buddy for 11 years and was taken from me suddenly. I was crazy with grief, had never lost anyone as close to me as that fuzzy guy and it made me more empathetic to grief in general. What finally got me through it was I decided to throw myself into another activity, something to distract me. I'm here now because of totally unrelated events but yeah losing a loved pet can be traumatic and something you have to be prepared for. I was not as prepared as I thought I was.

 

[lofticries]

I had my cat for a good 14-15 years. When he died I couldn't stop crying for a month and developed some mad ocd tendencies with cleaning. I get really upset when I think about his death. He was literally my only friend in life.

I hope you can heal soon or at least get better day by day.

 

[outrider567]

Hi everyone, I've never made my own post before so I hope I'm doing this right.

I had to humanely let my best buddy go last night and I am beside myself with grief. He was my only support system and I feel so alone and devastated. Normally I'd cuddle with him when I felt this way, and now I have no one.

I begged the universe to let me die with him but sadly my heart is still beating. I have two other pets and I recently started therapy because I want to make it longer in life, but I worry the loss of my best friend is going to change this and I'll ctb.

Has anyone been through this? I know some people will say it's silly, but I had a very special bond with this particular animal and he was my constant through some major trauma in my life. He was my rock for 17 years and I don't have anyone I can call for even a hug.

Any shared experience or advice on how to work through this and not impulsively ctb would mean everything

Yeah, when our precious calico kitty cat died Jan 8 2005, we were so depressed and in shock for a long time, many weeks

 

[Cathy Ames]

Hi everyone, I've never made my own post before so I hope I'm doing this right.

I had to humanely let my best buddy go last night and I am beside myself with grief. He was my only support system and I feel so alone and devastated. Normally I'd cuddle with him when I felt this way, and now I have no one.

I begged the universe to let me die with him but sadly my heart is still beating. I have two other pets and I recently started therapy because I want to make it longer in life, but I worry the loss of my best friend is going to change this and I'll ctb.

Has anyone been through this? I know some people will say it's silly, but I had a very special bond with this particular animal and he was my constant through some major trauma in my life. He was my rock for 17 years and I don't have anyone I can call for even a hug.

Any shared experience or advice on how to work through this and not impulsively ctb would mean everything

Hi! I am very, very sorry for your loss. I had a similar thing happen, when my comforter pet suddenly passed away, and I was having thoughts like yours: normally under circumstances like that (horrible grief), I'd have had this particular, very special being to comfort me, and now there was no one and nothing to comfort me, and that added to my grief and made it worse. Like you, I had two other pets at the time. I'm not sure how I made it through the short term, and so I cannot help you very much with strategies and whatnot.

I will tell you that, over time, one of the other two pets stepped into the "comforter" role although he operated in a very different way. I would suggest that you remain open to the possibility of that happening and be sure to allow it to happen (assuming you love and have bonds with your other two pets). I will also mention that I have sometimes seen surviving pets grieve for the pets who passed away. [Not all of them do, but sometimes it happens.] So that is a something to be aware of and something that might give you a purpose for getting through this. Even if they are not grieving, please remember that your other two pets do need you. That's a definite reason not to do it impulsively. Get your other two pets into good situations before you CTB. You owe them that much.

 

[koweday]

Hi! I am very, very sorry for your loss. I had a similar thing happen, when my comforter pet suddenly passed away, and I was having thoughts like yours: normally under circumstances like that (horrible grief), I'd have had this particular, very special being to comfort me, and now there was no one and nothing to comfort me, and that added to my grief and made it worse. Like you, I had two other pets at the time. I'm not sure how I made it through the short term, and so I cannot help you very much with strategies and whatnot.

I will tell you that, over time, one of the other two pets stepped into the "comforter" role although he operated in a very different way. I would suggest that you remain open to the possibility of that happening and be sure to allow it to happen (assuming you love and have bonds with your other two pets). I will also mention that I have sometimes seen surviving pets grieve for the pets who passed away. [Not all of them do, but sometimes it happens.] So that is a something to be aware of and something that might give you a purpose for getting through this. Even if they are not grieving, please remember that your other two pets do need you. That's a definite reason not to do it impulsively. Get your other two pets into good situations before you CTB. You owe them that much.

Thank you so, so much for sharing these words. It's comforting to know you have been through something so similar, and hearing of your experience getting through it gives me a lot of hope. You're absolutely right about my other kitties; I'm sure one of them will become the new comforter in this massive absence. I really can't thank you enough for sharing, this is the most hopeful I've felt since losing him. Thank you so much

 

[/dev/null]

hi, you are definitely not alone in this. i had a cat who i loved dearly and i always said that i hoped i would die before he did, but of course it didn't happen that way. i've had and loved cats my whole life but there will never be another cat like him. this happened right when the pandemic started so i couldn't even leave the house and was constantly surrounded by his absence. it was incredibly difficult.

the only comfort that i have to give is that you can accept that you won't have exactly the same type of relationship with another cat, but you can still have good relationships that bring good things into your life. i had (and still have) another cat who became much more snuggly when it was just the two of us, and would just lie next to me and purr in a way that he never did before, like we were comforting each other. about half a year later, i adopted a kitten from the local shelter. she had a completely different personality from my previous cat but she was so cute and so full of life that i couldn't help but adore her.

neither of my cats will ever replace the one i lost, and i still miss him a lot and i think i always will. but i'm glad i have them and they have their own place in my heart. and i know that it's anthropomorphizing my cat, but i like to think he wouldn't want me to be unhappy.

 

[ConstantPain]

Please give yourself a break, the loss of a pet is traumatic and you deserve and need to grieve. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I also know how hard it is. I still tear up over cats I lost years ago but it does get easier with time.

I used to hate myself for having a tougher time grieving more over cats than people. When you think about it though, pets are with us day and night, they accept us for who we are and do amazing things like purr. They're there when we wake up, when we get home, stick with us through our insomnia, and comfort us like no people can. Their loss is extremely difficult and having other cats to love is what got me through it. That, and knowing that I'd given them a happy home, good life and loved them more anyone else could have. I'm sure you did the same for yours

 

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

Hi everyone, I've never made my own post before so I hope I'm doing this right.

I had to humanely let my best buddy go last night and I am beside myself with grief. He was my only support system and I feel so alone and devastated. Normally I'd cuddle with him when I felt this way, and now I have no one.

I begged the universe to let me die with him but sadly my heart is still beating. I have two other pets and I recently started therapy because I want to make it longer in life, but I worry the loss of my best friend is going to change this and I'll ctb.

Has anyone been through this? I know some people will say it's silly, but I had a very special bond with this particular animal and he was my constant through some major trauma in my life. He was my rock for 17 years and I don't have anyone I can call for even a hug.

Any shared experience or advice on how to work through this and not impulsively ctb would mean everything

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
I've been there myself. I had a lovely cockatiel and I had him for around the same amount of time you had your buddy.
They become a big part of your life, and when they pass away they leave a huge gap in your heart.
For weeks after my cockatiel passed away I couldn't think of him without crying. Even thinking about all the funny things he did made me cry.
I'm sure you are probably feeling this way now?
But there will come a time where you think of your buddy, and instead of tears, you will smile and feel warmth from his memory and the connection you shared for 17 years.

I'm so sorry I can't make things better for you right now. But just get through each day. Eat a little when you can. Cry whenever you need to. It's all part of grief.

Take care, lots of love

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

Have I been through this you ask? Yes. It's the absolute worse. I think about my companion and familiar every day and know it's waiting for me on the other side.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. You two will be reunited once again

 

[koweday]

hi, you are definitely not alone in this. i had a cat who i loved dearly and i always said that i hoped i would die before he did, but of course it didn't happen that way. i've had and loved cats my whole life but there will never be another cat like him. this happened right when the pandemic started so i couldn't even leave the house and was constantly surrounded by his absence. it was incredibly difficult.

the only comfort that i have to give is that you can accept that you won't have exactly the same type of relationship with another cat, but you can still have good relationships that bring good things into your life. i had (and still have) another cat who became much more snuggly when it was just the two of us, and would just lie next to me and purr in a way that he never did before, like we were comforting each other. about half a year later, i adopted a kitten from the local shelter. she had a completely different personality from my previous cat but she was so cute and so full of life that i couldn't help but adore her.

neither of my cats will ever replace the one i lost, and i still miss him a lot and i think i always will. but i'm glad i have them and they have their own place in my heart. and i know that it's anthropomorphizing my cat, but i like to think he wouldn't want me to be unhappy.

Thank you so much. I can tell my other two are trying to make up for his absence, and I'm sure they are grieving too. Though the bond is no where near as close, I'm grateful to have them for support. I know my cat wouldn't want me to be unhappy either, I keep trying to imagine things reversed and knowing I'd want him to be happy and remember our good times. Thank you for sharing your story with me, it honestly helped so much

 

[koweday]

Waking up on my fourth morning without him. I tossed around at 4:30am, sleepily reaching for where he should be on my left side, and finding nothing but empty space. That brief moment of, "he must be using the litter box" before my heart shattered all over again remembering the full weight of his absence and my new forced reality.

I fear my shock is wearing off and that these coming days will be even more difficult than the first three. It's hard to imagine I could be in more pain than the last three days, and I'm scared. I don't have a partner or anyone to hold onto.

Please write to me. Your previous messages have helped keep me afloat.

 

[iridescent.darkness]

i understand you man. I am only alive because of my pet and when she dies, i will too because i can't live without her

 

[Poor Stargazer]

I am so sorry! I know how you feel, i lost my bestfriend 3 May 28th's ago. I still think about him everyday. I dont know how to make you feel better but what comforts me is thinking that when i finally die, i will go to where ever he went. I have a cat now, she is my world. I never thought id ever get another animal because losing them is the absolute worst thing but I also think that they are 100% worth the pain. Your doggie sounds lucky to have had such a compassionate owner. Again, im so sorry for your loss.

 

[/dev/null]

Waking up on my fourth morning without him. I tossed around at 4:30am, sleepily reaching for where he should be on my left side, and finding nothing but empty space. That brief moment of, "he must be using the litter box" before my heart shattered all over again remembering the full weight of his absence and my new forced reality.

I fear my shock is wearing off and that these coming days will be even more difficult than the first three. It's hard to imagine I could be in more pain than the last three days, and I'm scared. I don't have a partner or anyone to hold onto.

Please write to me. Your previous messages have helped keep me afloat.

i am so sorry to hear how much things are still hurting. i wish that i had some secret wisdom from my own experience that could relieve some of your pain. for me, at least, and i think for most people, it does eventually hurt less. you never stop missing them, but eventually the good feelings you have about them happen more than the bad feelings. i hope that you can get to that place too, even if you just have to take things one miserable day at a time. because really, you have so many years of good memories that right now are being overwhelmed by the bad ones that are more recent. this whole thing sucks but there's a whole thread full of people here who are rooting for you.

 

[koweday]

It's day seven and I have been doing much better at managing my guilt and regret, but it has come back 100 fold in the last hour and I'm worried I'm going to hurt myself. I'm alone and don't know what to do.

My sweet Koichi had to travel by plane and visit three vets offices in his final 48 hours. I had to take him to Michigan with me for a family thing, I should have cancelled the trip. I didn't spend much time with him his final week, and I should have been at his side the entire time. I shouldn't have made us take a plane. I didn't know it was his final week, but I am so sick to my stomach and overwhelmingly angry with myself.

He deserved to do all his favorite things. He deserved long stroller walks to his favorite park. He deserved long car rides. He deserved to finally eat all the food he wanted instead of his icky prescription diet. He deserved my unwavering company and endless kisses and snuggles.

It's day seven and this is my worst day. I'm so alone and I just hate myself. I don't know what to do. He wouldn't want me to hurt myself. Please help.

 

[Poor Stargazer]

I get the guilt, the most important thing is he got to leave this world with you and in peace. He was lucky to have you as an owner. I just think of all the good times my Dempsey and i had, its a sliver of his death. They are worth it and the love of an animal cannot be replaced just like it cannot be forgotten. Nothing will replace him but i got another one on accident, a fkin cat. She is my world now. Little Lucy Fur, she will never replace him, just inflate a different part of my heart. All of the best my friend.

 

[710]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My cat is 14 and I really dread the day when he passes away. I'm pretty much a recluse and on most days, my cat is the only living thing I come in contact with. You should take solace with the fact that your cat was very lucky to have you as a companion. It's obvious that you gave him a good life.

 

[Cronetappingout]

Sending hugs. Loosing a pet is super tough. Our bond with them is strong. Take care of you while you miss your baby.