People lose patience when you continuously fail/back out of attempts

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

Because, "If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would just do it. People do it all the time"

I'm their eyes you're a time waster, an attention seeker, a nuisance.

"You always say that you want to kill yourself. Just do it already. I don't care. I don't want to hear about it anymore."

The particularly spiteful ones will deride you about it. Deem your hesitancy as an indication of fear and use it as a point of ridicule.

Fear is stopping me but not in the way people would think.

Pretty much all suicide attempts that are dependent on sheer willpower I'm likely to back out of at some point due to feeling discomfort. I can't tolerate pain at all and knowing this prevents me from trying certain things because if I back out I will definitely end up worse off. Plus I have health issues that make certain methods (a lot of which I've already tried) even more excruciating than they typically are.

An overdose where I quickly fall unconsciously would be my ideal but it's the method that's hardest to come by. Now that I can finally afford it *poof*, N is gone.

I'm also scared of reincarnating into an even worse life which I know is a very stupid belief but I'm very superstitious because of paranoia.

I'm not afraid to die or to lose my life. I genuinely hate my life—literally every single aspect about it—and the things that are bothering me the most aren't things that can change. I've heavily toyed with the idea of changing my name and some other things but it can't take away any of the painful experiences I've had which have permanently altered the way I perceive the world.

Death and dying is scary and I think it's disgusting to further torture people by nitpicking the way they go about ending it.

I have no conception of what exists outside of existence. I can't even imagine it so it's normal to have anxiety around that.

 

[jodes2]

I've lost count of the number of times I've failed / backed out if CTB. I hope I haven't alienated people on here with it

 

[Rounded Agony]

Because, "If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would just do it. People do it all the time"

I'm their eyes you're a time waster, an attention seeker, a nuisance.

"You always say that you want to kill yourself. Just do it already. I don't care. I don't want to hear about it anymore."

The particularly spiteful ones will deride you about it. Deem your hesitancy as an indication of fear and use it as a point of ridicule.

Christ, are these people you know in real life? Or here? Either way they aren't the kind who are good for you to be associating with. I doubt it'd solve everything, but if you were able to find some better social support it might make a big difference in your life. I hope things begin to change for you soon for the better.

 

[Pluto]

"You always say that you want to kill yourself. Just do it already. I don't care. I don't want to hear about it anymore."

I agree that people can become desensitised to our grief when it has dragged on for a long time, but I really hope nobody is actually speaking to you like that. If so, you might have been conditioned to only attract the worst in humanity. I know well this is a difficult cycle to break, but you deserve far, far better.

Regarding your afterlife question, there is a consensus amongst NDE researchers that most suicide NDEs are pleasant. The negative experiences tend to relate to people with dark motivations, such as revenge, or people with strong addictions that keep them earthbound. This does not apply to you. There was a positive suicide NDE reported only recently. Still, it is important to make choices wisely and bring as much closure as possible.

 

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

Christ, are these people you know in real life? Or here? Either way they aren't the kind who are good for you to be associating with. I doubt it'd solve everything, but if you were able to find some better social support it might make a big difference in your life. I hope things begin to change for you soon for the better.

Some family members, mental health workers, friends and the police

I agree that people can become desensitised to our grief when it has dragged on for a long time, but I really hope nobody is actually speaking to you like that. If so, you might have been conditioned to only attract the worst in humanity. I know well this is a difficult cycle to break, but you deserve far, far better.

I'm intrigued by this. I read something somewhere about people that were previously victims attractive abusive behaviour but I'm a very big believer in people treating you based off of how they perceive you not how you perceive yourself.

I'm ugly and noticeably anxious so most people don't like me upon meeting me or think I'm weird, which also makes them not like me

Regarding your afterlife question, there is a consensus amongst NDE researchers that most suicide NDEs are pleasant. The negative experiences tend to relate to people with dark motivations, such as revenge, or people with strong addictions that keep them earthbound. This does not apply to you. There was a positive suicide NDE reported only recently. Still, it is important to make choices wisely and bring as much closure as possible.

I'm very glad to hear that. What happens afterwards is a very big preoccupation of mine.

 

[FuneralCry]

The truth is that in this world suicide can certainly be difficult, even if we wish to die. It sounds as though the people who say those kind of things are not suicidal themselves and have never researched suicide so they don't understand how hard it is. But many people in this world can unfortunately be so cruel and insensitive towards the subject of suicide, I also wish I had N so I can be peacefully free from this horrific world without having to struggle in attempting suicide. I do get that feeling trapped in a life that you hate and are tired of enduring can certainly be awful.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

One of my major fears if I were to fail my next attempt (god forbid) is people not taking it seriously and being labeled ("attention-seeking" etc.)…after my most serious attempt a few years ago, I was hospitalized for 2 months, and the psychiatrist there thought I was a fucking joke and I don't want my pain to be seen as a joke.

 

[Asiam]

One of my major fears if I were to fail my next attempt (god forbid) is people not taking it seriously and being labeled ("attention-seeking" etc.)…after my most serious attempt a few years ago, I was hospitalized for 2 months, and the psychiatrist there thought I was a fucking joke and I don't want my pain to be seen as a joke.

Wow that's awful. I didn't feel like the hospital took me seriously either. Just "oh, you didn't cut a nerve, okay *sigh* brace for rubbing alcohol/stitches. Okay bye" albeit I had one nurse who held my hand and said I reminded her of her daughter. An angel in a terribly discounting space

 

[cassxtho]

The fear of being sent back to inpatient keeps me from attempting even in my darkest times. I'd take my current mental state over that hell any day.