People in other countries have it way worse

[noname223]

Today I had an appoinment with my therapist. He really is a nice guy and cares about his patients. However he does not get in what a miserable situation I am. I often tell that my future will be miserable when we think about it rationally. He still is so unbelievable optimistic. I told at some points about my suicidality. But he thinks these are just temporary issues. I have not told him fully how serious I think about it.
Today we talked again about one of my main issues. Poverty. First he told me I just need to go to university or have a normal job and everything will be fine. I told that I tried both several times and I went really ill. He argues maybe it was just the wrong circumstances. I told him I highly doubt that.
Then I told him how extremely scared I am about poverty and that I really don't want to live like that. (My therapists never get my hints that I wanna ctb till I tell that directly). I think he has no clue how low welfare really is. I have read a lot about it and I am sure I rather ctb than living this torture.

He argued so you are scared about poverty in a rich country like Germany with its welfare state what should other people tell who live in poor countries. I told him there this must be even way more extreme torture. I've heard this point from other (rich) psychologists in their self-aid books. Just imagine people in other countries they don't even have food on the table. I am just like fuck you. You can say that easily as a wealthy person. I rather have someone like my 2 last psychologists telling me the truth that I probably kill myself due to this torture than deceiving me to say that other people are even worse fucked.

Why I still feel sympathy for my psychologist? Almost every therapist takes the money from the client when he misses the appoinment without cancelling it 24 h beforehand. He does not do that. My last therapist even lied and told me she had to do that. He told me that's not true.
I am kind of sorry for him that I am someone who cannot be fixed not sure if I will tell him ever the truth about my suicidality.

 

[greyhound]

I can empathize with you being scared about trying to survive while ill. However I think a lot of people on here seem to be CTB out of fear of the future. I mean most of us do live in rich countries where we aren't likely to starve to death. Worst comes to worse if you can't find some sort of niche and life really becomes intolerable then just CTB then. I don't think it makes sense to CTB out of anxiety for the future.

 

[brutalus]

i understand what you mean, i think its impossible to gain that type of perspective. it sounds silly or reduntant but we can only know what we know. ie, we cannot understand the pain of the war ridden, the poor, the tortured, the raped, unless it happens to us. people who give to charity only do it to help themselves in some way, they dont do it because they understand the pain. that being said i do envy german welfare since I live in a poor country :)

 

[noname223]

i understand what you mean, i think its impossible to gain that type of perspective. it sounds silly or reduntant but we can only know what we know. ie, we cannot understand the pain of the war ridden, the poor, the tortured, the raped, unless it happens to us. people who give to charity only do it to help themselves in some way, they dont do it because they understand the pain. that being said i do envy german welfare since I live in a poor country :)

I once met a guy from Southern Sudan who lived parts of his life from welfare in Germany. He told me that's not much money. But I see in comparison to other welfare states it is pretty high. I think there is relative and absolute poverty. Moreover it depends which standard of livving you are adapted to.

 

[LenkaX]

This is just a real example how any kind of "therapy" is useless for most people with strong suicidal tendencies. I tried therapy myself, including a group therapy and it was all pointless and it just gave me more pain than I already had.

 

[motel rooms]

I don't think it makes sense to CTB out of anxiety for the future.

Too bad people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses are not perfectly rational robots

 

[noname223]

This is just a real example how any kind of "therapy" is useless for most people with strong suicidal tendencies. I tried therapy myself, including a group therapy and it was all pointless and it just gave me more pain than I already had.

I am sometimes angry about some points he mentions. But the talking about my worries part eases the pain temporarily. We do not make any progress at all. However he does not pressure me which I really like. Sometimes I wish I could be as optimistic (and naive) like him. If I could believe everything will be fine in the end it could make my life for a lot easier for the moment. But it does not solve my problems. In the end only my suicide can end all my problems.

 

[TriggerHappy]

...I guess it's not about just survival, but the quality of life you live :: my country is burning (literally) :: poverty has driven the desperate into mass looting mobs... while I understand their circumstance (lived on the streets /prison myself) your comparisons r mute :: the sad truth is we will never really know another's experience, & therefore purpose... my country descends into desperation :: mass lootings & destruction brought about by poverty have resulted in food shortages // medicine shortages // banks closed and were back to the dark days of mistrust, racial / class inequalities breed hatred & intolerance :: this was not the country we fought for, freedom cannot live when tethered to corruption.
I go back to my daily life knowing the colt hidden in my jeans won't save me from mob mentality. Or ironically myself.
When this is the way things are, when life is so cheap // worthless :: all I have is the knowledge that as fucked as I am, if I go under the workers I work with will be lost. Maybe they hate me (& 1day will hunt me) with my privileged ways but they acknowledge my worth, they've seen my mental struggles, they seem grateful for the all I've given.
But I'm not naive :: I see thru the illusion... survival sometimes sucks.
The situation we're all in here is insane :: when things lack reason or meaning I wonder whether (as suicidal ideates / idiots) we are all intrinsically corrupt - in that we are the same... I guess time will tell....
In the kingdom of the blind the one-eyed are kings...

 

[Flippy]

Too bad people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses are not perfectly rational robots

I like that! Weird isn't it, that people who aren't able to be rational are expected to be, or people in distress and therefore may not think clearly are expected to be rational. This generally takes the form (in the UK at least) of mental health services washing their hands of seriously ill patients with the excuse of "well they have chosen not to engage, they've missed a couple of appointments so we are discharging them..."
Yes people with mental health issues are the epitome of rational thinking. I mean I know I am, I will only miss appointments if Satan is standing in front of the door, which as we all know is perfectly rational thinking! (FYI I've not had those kinds of issues in a long time but it's intended as an illustrative example). Mental illness eh? Clue seems to be in the name? Maybe I just take things on face value?

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I relate to what you are saying about your fears of poverty. Your therapist will never relate unless he loses his job and can never get another one etc. It sounds like you are able to get something out of it. That's good. I can't handle therapy. I have no respect for people who get a masters (2 years or 1) and then are licensed and paid for their conversation and input. I had a therapist (recently)- she has a sign decoration on her walls in office...it says something like 'this is a stress-free zone'...OH REALLY...so is she expecting people to not stress her out? Or leave their stresses at the door for therapy? It's fucking ridiculous. She took her mask off for the first time since I have gone and she was yuckier than I pictured. She looked Down Syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I could go on and on about her and another therapist bitch and a guy therapist I had a first appointment to but canceled...talking to an old guy with impending retirement isn't my idea of a good hour spent. Nothing is.

I'm in the US. Therapy is free and some meds are too with state insurance for poor people. It's sexist in my state though. I think they give it easily to women but not men. As far as welfare I get food stamps...I know I will qualify for no welfare or disability or Social Security (I haven't worked enough to get money back). I've realized the older I get that my anxiety is 100 percent valid and in reality...I've been misdiagnosed and lies have been made up about what I said when feeling suicidal. In the US and probably everywhere people judge and label...and are suspicious of people without jobs. So, not only am I poor, bored and have no mental stimulation I am labeled crazy or unfit.

I am considered highly educated, but chose the absolute wrong profession. My family thinks I have mental issues. No, if they saw what my days consisted of and the lack of opportunity to even get up to poverty level they would understand...but really fuck them! My anxiety is situational.

Countries I really am glad to not be in: Brazil, Venezuala, Columbia, Iran, Yemen, Palestine, Lebanon, China, Russia...etc etc.

Your fears are rational. Perhaps if you really want your therapist to understand or see the reasons behind your fears ask them how they would feel having no retirement, steady paychecks. Ask them how they would afford another car after their current one breaks if they had no income. Bring up horrible low-paying jobs people do...Your therapist acts entitled due to their chosen profession. A very lazy profession. Probably only suited for narccissits or scam artists.

 

[Pallf]

I kinda think of along the lines of Maslow's hierarchy of needs but maybe edited, and ctb reasons tend to occur when you can't have all your needs met. So say you have food water and shelter. That's great, that's the absolute bottom of shit you need in other to survive and thrive. Go up a level or two, or go up to the very top. You've got everything else but self actualization. That sucks and it's still a need. If you aren't getting needs met, you're more likely to think about ctb, especially if you're unsure if you'll ever get those needs met.

 

[motel rooms]

You've got everything else but self actualization. That sucks and it's still a need. If you aren't getting needs met, you're more likely to think about ctb, especially if you're unsure if you'll ever get those needs met.

Self-actualization is such a laughable concept. The complete realization of one's potential & the full development of one's abilities and appreciation for life... So American, such delusional greed...

 

[Pluto]

First thing is that medical professionals are trained to push a narrative. They might have no life experience at all. Heck, a robot could be programmed to do what they do.

As for other countries, of course it isn't possible to know what other people go through (though yes, there are endless distressing reminders of the primitiveness of our species around the world). But it isn't as simple as poverty=bad. Sometimes people in harsher conditions have more depth, more compassion. And the opposite is true of the culture of 'affluenza'.

 

[Meditation guide]

I think it's not too far out of touch with reality to ctb out of fear of the future if that future may include helplessness to the point of not even being able to have the ability to ctb. I tend to not question the motives any more when people ctb. Fear of the future can include some unbearable anxiety.