Help people have a general dislike towards me and I don’t know why (pls help me understand)

[tieiwi]

I don't know if im posting this in the right spot. I'm seriously at my wits end right now. I need a second opinion. I'm sorry this will probably be long…

Everyone I've ever met doesn't like me at some point. I know this because people stare at me in a specific way mid sentence and in their eyes it looks like they hate me. It's like a very condescending look. Now I know how to talk to people and how to ask questions and how to listen. My tone of voice is very nice and I make sure of that since I was abused as a child if I had any ounce of attitude in my face or voice. I'm very supporting of others and I do tend to over compliment but none of it is fake I mean all of it. I genuinely have a lot of love to give. But people find me annoying and they only keep me around because they'll look bad if they don't since technically I don't do anything wrong. I'm not offensive to others and I'm very considerate. I am a people pleaser but I have peers who are similar to me who are treated much better. My friends around me are the type to still hangout with me and be nice to my face but feel a different way about me behind my back. So I don't understand why I'm being treated this way. It's so frustrating because I'll even give disclaimers about myself being more quiet than usual if im tired or something and yet my friends still give me attitude for it. I think I may be autistic the way people's first reaction to me is disgust. If anyone could help in any way on why people aren't so fond of me that'd be great. Thank you guys.

 

[justanotherfailure]

I'm sorry, you seem really nice. People can just be dumb sometimes

 

[VoidBlessed]

It's like that for me too. The only conclusion that made sense to me was that this was something fundamental to myself, and there's nothing to understand beyond that.

 

[NoHorizon]

When you say your friends are nice to your face but feel differently behind your back, do you know this from somebody telling you or is that just what you think happens? You could consider whether you're projecting any self-criticism on to them, and deciding on how they feel about you based on how you feel about yourself. I know that when my mind is in a worse place I haves tendency to believe everyone hates me and is looking at me weirdly when in reality they probably aren't.

Do you trust any of your friends enough to ask them for genuine feedback as to what they might dislike about you?

From your description the only thing I could think of as to why people may dislike you would be if you are too much of a people pleaser that can come across as insincere. In which case, your intention of being nice will have the opposite effect. That being said, I doubt EVERYONE thinks that way, so from my very limited perspective I suspect it to be more likely that you're just not correct in your assessment of how people feel about you because you're in a bad mental space yourself. You sound very conscious of how you are treat people which is a very kind quality so I don't see why people wouldn't value that kindness.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Similar situation for me too. I gave up and just accepted that's the way it's going to be for me.