Venting pathetic + lonely+ bored

[nails]

i can't enjoy my alone time. i've spent the majority of my life alone, so i just don't find comfort in being alone; it's just suffocating now. it's so boring, there's just nothing to do. none of my hobbies are fun anymore, they just make me sad. whenever i'm doing anything, all i can think about is how great it would be if i was doing that thing with another person. my life is just going to work and coming home to clean or rot in bed, nothing else. everyone else comes home to their partners or friends, but i don't have any of that. all i do is sit in bed, struggling to sleep because my brothers are yelling and having fun on calls with their friends. small talk is so shitty and awkward now. i never have an answer to "what did you do on your off day" or "what are your plans when you get home". getting to know anyone is impossible because i've become so empty. i'm becoming more and more pathetic. i get so ridiculously excited whenever i have any sort of plans with another person. those plans are usually just running errands with one of my brothers, but it's the only non-work human interaction i can get. i'm not even close with them anymore, but my whole week gets ruined if those plans fall through.
i'm like a dog, just waiting for anyone to give me attention. it's so pathetic.

 

[gardenfairy]

i feel the same way as you, i know how it feels :/ that feeling of waiting like a dog for someone or even anyone to talk to is something i know all too well. im sorry u feel like this too, it sucks. if u ever do change ur mind and wanna just talk to someone i'll answer !

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

I relate heavily to you, and I'm sorry. I seem to be craving human interaction more and more, growing desperate as well. I, too, get unnecessarily excited if an opportunity arises, even for the most mundane tasks, as long as I get some human interaction out of it.

If you ever need anyone to brain dump to, I'm here.

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable except I wouldn't get exited about hanging out with my brother or anything else.

 

[EmptyBottle]

True, I sometimes get bored too, even with most of the internet a few clicks away.
Maybe slightly lonely at times too, tho somehow less lonely because of the web and forums like these.

For the noise, consider music via headphones, since it can reduce a lot of sound.
Maybe even doodle on paper / on an app, to relax.

 

[zizzou]

I can relate. I get jealous when my brother's go out with their gfs when just a few months ago I was the one booked on the weekends with my girl. Now all I have is the desire to die.

 

[neverLoved]

After years spending all alone I kinda made others believe that I rather spend time alone and be alone. Others believe that I am anti social or don't care about it.

But this isn't the case, every single day I crave the attention of someone else. The feeling to spend time with someone else. A friend, a partner anything. But instead I have never really had the chance or spent the effort to be close with someone. Everyone gets pushed away or leaves by themselves.

I wonder if it's because I never really opened and showed my true self. But my last and most recent experience of being honest and showing who I genuinely am resulted in the most direct backstab I have ever felt.

It's gotten so bad that I genuinely try to make myself believe that all humans are bad to cope with it. A hatred for everyone out there.

I have lost it