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I'm doing everything I can to die without actually killing myself. I'm hurting. I have heart palpitations and im eating like shit and not exercising. I'm holding my bladder because I heard of the girl who is dying or died from doing that too much. I don't clean my wounds or my self harm materials because I hope I get an infection and die. I guess I just wanted to know if others do the same.
Reactions:
WonderingSoul, the_path_of_sorrows, Some place nice and 6 others
Me sorta, I dont really take care of myself anymore. Dont sanitize my knife. If i lived alone I wouldn't eat. Not paying attention crossing the roads.
I doubt it will will actually kill but I couldn't be bottered much anyways
Yeah. Basically. Passive suicide is exactly what I'm doing. I wish I could just get it over with but I'm too much of a pussy and don't want to fail and be forced to live paralyzed or with some sort of physical ailment. Let alone the embarrassment that comes with failing. So I'm just drinking too much as both a form of self harm and also kinda hoping it kills me sooner than later. Isolating more than I ever had (and I've been a recluse for years but this is probably the worst it's ever been) and uh the last few times I actually let the house I also didn't look while crossing the street. Just kind of hoping I can die by accident or something
I don't in most cases but I'm extremely careless when it comes to traffic. I don't actually provoke anything or actively break any rules but where I'm in the right I cross without looking at all. I guess I hope someone is doing for me what I'm to weak to do. But so far only a few complaints with the police which would be kind of funny since in all cases they are actually reporting their wrongdoing but I can't really remember feeling like laughing at anything. It all leads to shame and embarrassment. This destructive behaviour makes me hate myself even more. Sorry.
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