Venting Partner left me in the midst of a mental health crisis… I’ve lost everything

[JustAGuyImsorry]

Thank you for getting back to us. Even though this is a space that respects suicide and I personally am very pro choice, I confess I was concerned about you. Sorry if that's emotional overreach. I just felt that the nature of your situation was still so volatile that your sudden ctb would have been premature, and you seem like a genuine good-hearted person who is going through a very difficult time. It sounds like your sister is very supportive of you and I'm glad she helped you through last night. I hope that you can make use of her support as well as others, address what is going on in your life, and take what steps you can to stabilise things.

I appreciate it no need to worry about overreach. When you say the situation felt volatile what does that mean exactly? I do my best to have a good heart, I didn't mean for any of this to happen none of it was intentional I just feel SO guilty…. Like it's a massive weight on my mind constantly, I had the perfect woman, kids, a family that I've never had before. And it's all gone…. Not knowing if it's permanent is killing me; I wish she didn't cut off all contact, I'm not sure what to do with myself now . It's so quiet and lonely

Gosh I'm so sorry this sounds absolutely devastating. I'm so sorry life is putting you through so much it's unfair. I'm so sorry things ended like this I can't imagine how horrible you're feeling right now. I can understand how this all makes you feel even worse about living in general

Thank you I'm not sure how to go on honestly, people keep saying "you'll find someone else" but they don't get it… she WAS the one, we were going to get married we've always felt and been emotionally attached to eachother. Now? Still haven't heard from her….

 

[JustAGuyImsorry]

I'm beginning to feel the real weight of everything I've lost…. Her soft skin, the way her eyes were when she looked at me, her voice, her calming touch and endless kindness. The way the kids laughed and smiled when we were together, her family taking me in as one of their own, I don't have a family of my own so this meant the world.

I've realised I truly have lost everything. It's like my mind has come to a conclusion on what to do, that last message…. It is final. It is goodbye. She wants me gone. I'll never get to see, hear or speak to the children again. This massive part of my life just vanished in an instant text message.

I can feel myself spiralling, becoming happy with the idea of drifting off away from this pain. I keep telling myself how much of a fuck up I am for not getting help sooner, I'm considering transferring everything left in my account over to her so she can put it towards the kids savings accounts, a final contribution to their future.

At the end of the day, nothing will be different to her, blocking or no longer around it's the same… no contact, nothing.

 

[kagebunshin]

I appreciate it no need to worry about overreach. When you say the situation felt volatile what does that mean exactly? I do my best to have a good heart, I didn't mean for any of this to happen none of it was intentional I just feel SO guilty…. Like it's a massive weight on my mind constantly, I had the perfect woman, kids, a family that I've never had before. And it's all gone…. Not knowing if it's permanent is killing me; I wish she didn't cut off all contact, I'm not sure what to do with myself now . It's so quiet and lonely

I just meant that it sounds like big changes happened very suddenly, and that because of that there may be more changes in the future, though of course I can't say what the future holds. I think I can relate a little to the guilt of causing negativity to a loved one due to mental problems. As I mentioned earlier, I lost my last partner due to my depression. It is still graven into my heart - the conversation when he tearfully asked me if my eating disorder was his fault. I'll bear the guilt of that to the day I die. It's important that we acknowledge our faults and our wrongs, and accept that though mental illness and personal struggles are the explanation, they are no excuse. All we can do is try to be better, and hope that our loved one is happy without us. I'm very sorry that you have no way to communicate with her at this time. It's very difficult and your suffering is justified. I hope that you're able to get some kind of closure.

 

[JustAGuyImsorry]

Thank you, you very may well have saved my life. She text me today, giving me the final verdict. It's over, we will not be reconnecting, it's done. The message was very direct, even brutal in a way. I asked my friend to message her about collecting the last of her things. She said she will come next week, I asked him to ask if I'm able to be there, to say a final peaceful goodbye so that our last memory is positive for the both of us, and she agreed.

It's going to be tough, right now I have no idea how I'm even standing on two feet writing this right now I feel so strange but also I've been given the answer I've been waiting for. The unknown, is no longer unknown. The pain I felt not knowing , even though I'm crushed I'll never get to see the kids again, Is much less painful now that I have clarity.

At the time of speaking, I have no desire to end my life. But some kind of drive to push myself to be a better person, rather than beat myself up about who I was.

I hope to ask that we may keep connected on something light like Snapchat, to not honour the memories we shared, but to keep in contact as two fellow human beings who want peace. No more pain. We will see how she responds.

I want to thank everyone who read; and took the time to comment it meant the world to be able to truly express where I was at without any judgement, for the first time ever I had people listen, resonate and provide thoughtful insightful feedback without telling me how selfish I am for feeling like ending my life. Thank you.

Wish me luck, I'm not going to try change her mind, but hope we can remain at peace, no more fear, no more bad blood.

 

[an alien]

Thank you, you very may well have saved my life. She text me today, giving me the final verdict. It's over, we will not be reconnecting, it's done. The message was very direct, even brutal in a way. I asked my friend to message her about collecting the last of her things. She said she will come next week, I asked him to ask if I'm able to be there, to say a final peaceful goodbye so that our last memory is positive for the both of us, and she agreed.

It's going to be tough, right now I have no idea how I'm even standing on two feet writing this right now I feel so strange but also I've been given the answer I've been waiting for. The unknown, is no longer unknown. The pain I felt not knowing , even though I'm crushed I'll never get to see the kids again, Is much less painful now that I have clarity.

At the time of speaking, I have no desire to end my life. But some kind of drive to push myself to be a better person, rather than beat myself up about who I was.

I hope to ask that we may keep connected on something light like Snapchat, to not honour the memories we shared, but to keep in contact as two fellow human beings who want peace. No more pain. We will see how she responds.

I want to thank everyone who read; and took the time to comment it meant the world to be able to truly express where I was at without any judgement, for the first time ever I had people listen, resonate and provide thoughtful insightful feedback without telling me how selfish I am for feeling like ending my life. Thank you.

Wish me luck, I'm not going to try change her mind, but hope we can remain at peace, no more fear, no more bad blood.

The best thing you could do is to work towards being the person you think those kids would need most in their life. Does that do anything to change exactly whats going on? Of course not, but working towards being a person children would be proud to call a father in an honorable goal if it speaks to you and you'll likely learn and grow more from doing that than you could have ever imagined.

I know I'm just an internet stranger but I genuinely have such hope for you- you seem like a very genuine and good man who just has some shit you need to work on and goodness knows we all have those things within us. For how scary and emotional this has been you've actually kept a fairly level head even if it doesnt feel like that. Even with your whole life turned upsidedown you are still able to see through that and not only understand she did what she needed to for her children but to understand your own faults and recognize the rational of her decision. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself for that (I sure as hell am) because that is shows much more insight and selflessness than many people can muster.


This is hard. This sucks a lot really. But you have the head on your shoulders to work through what you need to and come through it being a better man and that will radiate to EVERYONE you come into contact with in your life. You have absolutely got this, friend.

 

[theboy]

Uff
Something similar happened to me. I understand you perfectly (although I don't have children)
When you were under the car... don't feel ashamed. They are reactions of the body and mind as a way to appease the situation.

You could start to get rid of the things that still remind you of her.