Venting Partner found me when I was so close..

[bpdbun]

Last night I (unplanned, sporadic) attempted via partial suspension. I was starting to lose consciousness right when my partner walked into the closet. He immediately started yelling at me and aggressively freed me and then grabbed me by my hair and forced me out of the closet and onto the bed. He continued yelling and cursing at me, calling me stupid and telling me that "that will never work".

He didn't even bother asking how I was feeling or why I did it. He then continued to go on a rant about how he's not losing any other people in his life to suicide and that I'm the only person he truly has to live for.

Then he yelled at me telling me to get dressed because he was taking me to the hospital. I refused and told him I'm fine and that it was an impulsive decision. He refused and I was begging him not to go because my #1 stressor is finances (he's unemployed and doesn't have any $$ to help) and missing a week of work would fuck me up and would potentially make me lose my job. Not to mention I work at the local psych hospital and everyone knows me. He then gave up but said we were going tomorrow (well; now it's today..)

I just feel so shitty. Mainly because I was found and he made me feel so dumb and little. And then his reaction just really hurt. He knows I hate being yelled at.

Thank you if you read all of this. I feel really alone and don't have anyone I can tell this to.

 

[mysticatedwine]

i'm so sorry you have such little support. i don't know what to tell, but I empathize with you and your suffering. i wish you well

 

[U. A.]

What an awful sounding experience, sorry to read it. Pray you don't get taken anywhere against your will...

 

[misrablybrokencjb]

I really feel for you. The last thing you want is to be dragged back from the void into more pain right?
I too partially suspend in the hope that one night I will just do it. So I know it can also bring relief to have the rope around your neck.
As for work, i also feel that if i end up in hospital i will also be even more financially fucked up to kiss more work.
I am a teacher and my numerous 1 stressor is also financial. Followed by health.. followed by a string of continual unfortunate luck.
So trust me. I understand how horribly uncomfortable financial stress is and really feel this.

Sorry you went through that