partial success/failure

[racheyrooble]

just adjusted setup from scarf on bedpost to yoga belt on door standing- felt myself going dizzy/lightheaded and nearly passing out so think i found the "sweet spot", SI kicked in and 3 times i just stood up again, my parents would be devastated and i have a 5 yr old niece i cant ignore.
so i maybe need to try the recovery thread. this year has been a disaster in many ways and i feel hopeless having lost relationship in difficult circumstances and friendships from my bipolar.
just been home a month from hospital, taken two paracetamol overdoses (48 each) in a week but nothing happened,
even tried the lame water intoxication.
cant get SN.
i think i could hang myself now but there must be something stopping me.
has anyone else felt like this?
feel like im either got to go down or up from here,

 

[makethepainstop]

Your in obvious pain, please take a bit of time for yourself. There are many things here you might like to see.

 

[Someone123]

Based on posts here, p[artial fails most of the time- several people have posted that they failed from 15 to 25 times using this method. Pills work less than 2% of the time, and when they do work they are usually powerful opioids. Cuttings work less than 2% of the time. Overall on 1 in 23 attempts works in the u.s., mainly due to so many people using low percentage methods. During partial people almost always stand up and it doesn't work, even after passing out. To get a method t work usually takes a long time of planning, that's why so many people are on this site for months to years. If recovery seems possible then this should be fully explored definitely. ARe there some pepolpe you can count on to care, family members or friends? This can be a startig point for recovery. How are things in relation to school/ employment? Sharing some information about this could help people to share some ideas that might help for recovery.

 

[racheyrooble]

im due back in work tuesafter 4 months off- i think its what is pushing me a bit close to the edge as i want to go back but im not myself. my colleagues are lovely.
i fell out with 2 close friends so have a few friends locally but also have been unable to face people.
my brother and wife are near and mum and dad too.
i know some people have noone so i should be able to get past this.
my manic behaviour was so damaging this year and i feel so ashamed.
most of all i miss my best friend who fell out with me.
it cant be normal to spend weeks researching hanging methods as if it was a science.
if i dont get better i fear i will lose the friends i have left. i didnt go to wake yesterday as couldnt cope with going out of the house to somewhere public.
depression is so selfish.
thankyou for your replies- this is first time ive cried in months and think i needed to- ive felt so numb inside.
going to look on recovery threads and try.

 

[Someone123]

it cant be normal to spend weeks researching hanging methods as if it was a science.

This kind of thing is actually pretty normal for people who have prolonged depression- people try to find relief from their pain however they can. This doesn't mean you can't recover. Having your brother and his wife and your parents near does help. Having your work colleagues being positive is a good thing. There may be a chance for recovery with so many positive things. I searched on youtibe by "how to deal with being manic" and there are many videos from people who have dealt with the same issue and their tips for dealing with this- there are posts from patents, therapists, etc. Is there any chance to patch things up with your best friend? Can you share some about what happened and people may have ideas about this. It really is best to try to qwork on not cutting yourself off too much- we atre social creatures and we really need other people. For so9mething like a wake or other gatherig that is important to people it is better to make aminimal appearance and then leave, saying you're not feeling well, rather than to miss too many things like this- this can make it harder to reconnect with people later. Trying to find some way to cope with short interactions with people rather than losing touch can really help- once peopl slip out of your life they are often gone forever, and people really do need people. Maybe posting about why you feel uncomfortable around people and then trying some little things to make things better can help.

 

[lifeORdeath]

I know adjusted setup from scarf on bedpost to yoga belt on door standing- felt myself going dizzy/lightheaded and nearly passing out so think i found the "sweet spot", SI kicked in and 3 times i just stood up again, my parents would be devastated and i have a 5 yr old niece i cant ignore.
so i maybe need to try the recovery thread. this year has been a disaster in many ways and i feel hopeless having lost relationship in difficult circumstances and friendships from my bipolar.
just been home a month from hospital, taken two paracetamol overdoses (48 each) in a week but nothing happened,
even tried the lame water intoxication.
cant get SN.
i think i could hang myself now but there must be something stopping me.
has anyone else felt like this?
feel like im either got to go down or up from here,

I know how you feel about the not going out and facing folks, and the spending hours and months starting at ways to off ones self.

You sound you have a lot to lose if you have a pretty good family. It's also scary stuff. And wondering if there is a chance of things ever being ok, it would be great to stick around.

I fear odds are against me. So I freak out.

Does your fam know you are having a rough time? Not the details about feeling suicidal necessarily, but the rest of what's going on?.

My family couldn't understand and criticized me some for staying couped up and hiding. They have no idea what it's like and hopefully they never will. I don't wish the despairing days I have onto anyone.

You sounds like you still want to live. Shame is tough to deal with too.

You are likely to have to start over and take it day by day and learn to forget the folks that judge. I have my days where panic and terror take over and I can't go out. I still feel like I want to be alone, and when I'm alone all I do is think of the worst in life and obsess over the past. I so wish I could go back and undo some things. I know folks I see have gotta know of my incidents and my trouble. They don't offer help, or say nice things. I just wonder how crazy they really think I am, then again, screw em.

Just curious, were you on some meds when things were manic and destructive? Or are you on any now?

Stress and a death in the family made me do some manic things and dumb decisions. Then I fell of the deep ends and got put on meds and things got worse and my mind started stitching imagined future into reality, and combined it with the past horrors of life and bad decisions that led to those horrors.

Sorry for your suffering. Hope you are able to find some peace. Share what you'd like. Folks shouldn't judge.