Parent contact

[voc_89]

Hi all,

So my last living parent has tried to contact me yesterday. I ignored the call. I mentioned some times before that a key reason why I have to deal with this mental anguish everyday and why I am forever broken is for how they treated (abandoned basically) me when my other parent passed away in 2004. I hate this person. I don't want to talk to them. Talking to them triggers me cause I have to pretend so much that igaf about u in your old/vulnerable days (they are now past 60) when u didn't give two shits about me when I was a kid, teen, young adult, etc. Is it cause now, cause u fk'd around most your life and still in debt with no real assets of your own u need assistance from me? That is most likely the case. I don't know what to do. If it's not too triggering how have others dealt with similar situations.

 

[Forveleth]

I'm not in the same situation at all. I still talk to both of my parents, although I am not fond of them. But I'm also a firm believer in only holding relationships with people that you want. I don't believe that family should be given any special recommendations just because you're related.

I also do believe that people should have the opportunity to be forgiven. However, if you are not in a place where you can offer them that, then there's really no point in potentially putting both of you in any more anguish than you already are.

 

[voc_89]

I'm not in the same situation at all. I still talk to both of my parents, although I am not fond of them. But I'm also a firm believer in only holding relationships with people that you want. I don't believe that family should be given any special recommendations just because you're related.

I also do believe that people should have the opportunity to be forgiven. However, if you are not in a place where you can offer them that, then there's really no point in potentially putting both of you in any more anguish than you already are.

Thank u for the advice and kind words. They have asked me for forgiveness in the past (maybe I think in 2021). I lied at the time and said that they have nothing to be regretful of as I understand that after losing a partner things can quickly go off the rails. Back then I could 'cover up' and pretend. These days its hard too. So I am trying to avoid situations where I know I have to fake it. There are many things they did that I can't forgive them for like literally abandoning us (myself and two siblings) for almost half a year while they were 'island hopping' in the Caribbean (forcing my eldest sibling to drop out of school and work to try to maintain some semblance of life for me and my remaining sibling). Lol. I can't with this person. But again, thanks for the advice

 

[Mattt_K]

I think you're facing a difficult situation. In the end, you are the one who has experienced life with your parent and have had to endure what happened. Society is quick to say that we should automatically have a strong relationship with blood relatives, and I'm not saying that we should not. A few years back you told them that all is forgiven because you were not in a space to deal with the situation and be upfront with them.
If you feel that perhaps you are now in a place where you can at least tell them that there are unresolved issues that you can't move past at this point, then perhaps you should. At least they will also know where they stand with you, and it may give you a bit of space while you try to process things.

 

[voc_89]

I think you're facing a difficult situation. In the end, you are the one who has experienced life with your parent and have had to endure what happened. Society is quick to say that we should automatically have a strong relationship with blood relatives, and I'm not saying that we should not. A few years back you told them that all is forgiven because you were not in a space to deal with the situation and be upfront with them.
If you feel that perhaps you are now in a place where you can at least tell them that there are unresolved issues that you can't move past at this point, then perhaps you should. At least they will also know where they stand with you, and it may give you a bit of space while you try to process things.

This. I didn't see it from that perspective at all. Though the first response kind of alluded to it. Thanks. I may really do this one. Thanks

 

[Mattt_K]

This. I didn't see it from that perspective at all. Though the first response kind of alluded to it. Thanks. I may really do this one. Thanks

You're most welcome! Really am wishing you all the best with all of this