Paranoid Elegy

[Açucarzinho583]

I'm still paranoid about life itself. I don't trust reality. I don't trust myself. I lie to myself so easily. I'm extremely paranoid when it comes to other people. I live in constant fear of being deceived. If someone laughs near me and there are only a few people around, I immediately assume they're laughing at me. I think my house has cameras or bugs. When I go out with someone, I think that person wants to kill me. I often believe my parents installed spyware on my phone. I have the feeling that my neighbors can hear everything I do at home. I was once convinced that everyone could read my mind.

I don't even know who died anymore. I've convinced myself that I was literally waking up from a dream. I have waves of panic attacks. I have nights when I simply can't sleep. I can't cope with so many things happening in my mind. I often have suicidal thoughts.

What I see— is it real, or just the reflection of a delusion? I feel like there's always something behind me. I think nothing is real, and I have no way of proving my own existence — what I am, or what consciousness even is. You can't fight paranoia and win. You can't argue with it, not even inside your own thoughts.

 

[DivineSpark]

I can relate to that camera thing, when I am extremely anxious and paranoid. I start searching for cameras in my apartment. I know there is none but what can you do about paranoia.

 

[Açucarzinho583]

I can relate to that camera thing, when I am extremely anxious and paranoid. I start searching for cameras in my apartment. I know there is none but what can you do about paranoia.

I've been taking antipsychotics, it's helped a bit

 

[misty]

I relate to this a lot, I am sorry that you are experiencing something so terrifying. I am glad that the antipsychotics have helped, there are also options for types of therapy that can help with this as well (for example, if you hear people laughing it can train your thoughts to not immediately blame it on yourself) there are definitely options to help overcome this and I wish you healing :)

 

[idontwanttosuffer]

I wish I had that roaming jammer. It jams everything while passing. I mean, phones, security cameras, Wi-Fi etc