Paralyzed by anxiety

[ImpishIndulgence]

I suffer from crippling anxiety caused by my OCD which leads to a swelling depression. I'll experience these seemingly innocuous sensations, like an uncomfortable feeling in my neck, which initially throws off my demeanor. Sometimes I'm able to frantically distract myself, though lately it's been ravaging me. First I start to stutter a bit, repeating fragments of sentences and taking longer to make out words. I become flustered and painfully insecure as my jaw seems like it's going numb. So there goes my verbal communication. Then I fallback to written communication, like I'm doing right now. By now however my vocabulary has been seized, producing a writer's block of sorts. I can't form a coherent message, and I'm only able to pump out a few lines of intense emotions before I devolve into a state of desperation. I perpetually labor over finding the ideal words to associate with my splurge of thoughts. Now my typing speed has diminished significantly as if my fingers stutter in harmony with my lips. Imagine this is going down while a close friend or family member is trying to counsel me. Perhaps as a last resort they ask me to express my feelings physically by moving my arms, legs, whatever. Yet I become paranoid that I'll look I'm losing my mind, acting like a freak. So I curl up and just about shut down completely. Then the thoughts of suicide swirl around in my mind. I'm unable to reach out to anyone. I can't cry for help or vent my emotions with those around me, because I'm essentially paralyzed. What I most desire is to express love for those closest to me, but I can't do that when I'm incapacitated like this.

Can you all relate in some way? Do you have strange triggers that lead you to shut down like I do?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yeah, I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder that gets so bad at times that I have severe panic attacks and become depersonalised.
My brain just freezes up and my coordination feels weird.
Stress is the trigger for me.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I suffer from social anxiety but I can't say I had your same exact ways of it manifesting.
To me is just being very unconfortable around people, feeling distress.
Also I am extremly socially akward. The more I start thinking that I'm doing things bad, the worst it gets.
I suggest you to try anxiolytics if you haven't yet. Xanax is doing a decent job for me even tho I hate the taste for some reason.
It makes me shake everytime I swallow it.