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openBottomJeans

openBottomJeans

won’t see what might’ve been…
Jul 4, 2025
81
I am officially broke.

Why can't I have the life of the cat that is in my lap right now? No responsibly's, no need for a job.. just simply survive.

I guess humans were meant to survive, but somewhere along the way we fucked that up.

I'm not sure when my final bus ticket will be , I just know it's gotta be soon.

I actually dreamt about the dying process.
I felt the fear and the panic. I felt my shakey breath exhale through my mouth as I told myself "okay, let's do this"

I know it's going to be a sad death.

I never wanted this. But life drove me to this point.

I am scared shitless.

This, eventually, will be my fourth attempt. I hate the fallout that comes after an attempt. Everyone walks on eggshells around you. Like you are radioactive.

So therefore, there will be no more attempts after this. I will try, and try, and try again until I drown.

The area I went to last night has zero phone service. I waited until the last two boats left for the night until I got in and "swam"
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: avalokitesvara and naookoo128
Roadrunner

Roadrunner

Specialist
Mar 18, 2024
339
Wish you the best, hope you find peace somehow.
 
  • Love
Reactions: openBottomJeans
avalokitesvara

avalokitesvara

bodhisattva
Nov 28, 2024
299
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. A dream life for me is also being a beloved housecat, just able to purely exist in warmth, love and comfort. Humanity is the worst of all worlds, forced to struggle and forced to be aware of our struggle as well. Take care, I hope you find peace and gentleness 🌹
 
  • Love
Reactions: openBottomJeans
openBottomJeans

openBottomJeans

won’t see what might’ve been…
Jul 4, 2025
81
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. A dream life for me is also being a beloved housecat, just able to purely exist in warmth, love and comfort. Humanity is the worst of all worlds, forced to struggle and forced to be aware of our struggle as well. Take care, I hope you find peace and gentleness 🌹
Thank you so much. It does suck being so self aware. But I don't think I'd want to be un-self aware either. It's a catch 22 lol
 

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