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chestnut

in limbo
May 6, 2024
48
For the past week I've been feeling very close to CTB. Is it possible for sheer overthinking and laziness to hold one back from trying? Is that SI?

I've been wanting to set up my hanging gear for days and am to chicken shit, cause I know from past attempts I might go through with it then. I distract myself, numb myself with alcohol and mindless TV to get through the torment of the last weeks. There's no point to life anymore, but I'm just prolonging it for no reason. I'm scared of SI and failing, but need to go so bad. This sucks.
 
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iloverachel

Enlightened
Mar 7, 2024
1,198
It is highly possible
I have been suicidal for a very long time as well, but I feel every time i feel like making an attempt, i also overthink and make excuses for myself, e.g. maybe I will try x or y and see if it helps me heal and recover. Procrastinating is very common, and i don't think you are a chicken shit at all, it is actually quite scary to take your own life if you really think about it.
Anyway, best wishes in whatever you choose to do
 
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lkjhgfdsa1

lkjhgfdsa1

🖤
Apr 17, 2024
423
me too.
I can't find myself to find the "right" moment. Alas, I haven't had much alone time in the last couple of days, but that's just a matter of time. I want to say I will ctb as soon as the "right time" comes, but I am scared I will find an excuse or fail to do it anyway
 
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DoubleUp8

DoubleUp8

Gambler
Dec 14, 2023
389
SI exactly. You delay and prolong but don't know why. Your logic and suffering are telling you to catch the bus but you gotta do this 1st and that 1 last time. Your SI will make every excuse to delay and you're tortured in the middle between SI and what you feel. I think I gotta CTB without thinking about it because the more I think about it, SI creeps into thought process and I should do this 1st and I need to do that 1 last time into the endless downward spiral of depression and anger at myself for not taking care of business.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,531
I can relate to that! A year ago I really crashed hard and I reached rock bottom and I realized there was no hope left. I made my account here, I was in my room with my stuff to CTB but I didn't go any further. Whether that was good or bad is another question. But I would say it's SI - SI has a lot of share in this kind of behavior.

CTB can be the most logic decision for us but SI will and can interfere if there is the slightest piece of hope left - even if we can't see this small piece ofhoe in this particular moment.
 
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_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
1,067
Yes, its the same for me
 
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DoubleUp8

DoubleUp8

Gambler
Dec 14, 2023
389
🚌 bus. How about don't miss the bus? 🚐 Or get a bus pass? 🚌 Or is the bus on time? Look at the bus schedule? The bus cliches and euphemisms are endless. How about catch the last bus? Bus stop? 🚌
 
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D

DeIetedUser4739

Specialist
Apr 21, 2024
384
I've made four serious attempts and I never really thought of the risks at the time, fast forward a few years and here I am again wanting to die but after researching it so much I learnt of what could go wrong and now I'm terrified of every method.
 
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M

Meteora

Ignorance is bliss
Jun 27, 2023
2,008
For the past week I've been feeling very close to CTB. Is it possible for sheer overthinking and laziness to hold one back from trying? Is that SI?

I've been wanting to set up my hanging gear for days and am to chicken shit, cause I know from past attempts I might go through with it then. I distract myself, numb myself with alcohol and mindless TV to get through the torment of the last weeks. There's no point to life anymore, but I'm just prolonging it for no reason. I'm scared of SI and failing, but need to go so bad. This sucks.
Think you re writing about me....... I feel the same. I think I am a person with A LOT of anxiety in general (one reason I want to ctb in the first place) and when it comes to ending it these already strong anxieties drive me nuts. I figured I have to silence these feelings with benzos in order to really proceed and not get stuck in these endless cycles of overthinking.
 
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C

chestnut

in limbo
May 6, 2024
48
I've made four serious attempts and I never really thought of the risks at the time, fast forward a few years and here I am again wanting to die but after researching it so much I learnt of what could go wrong and now I'm terrified of every method.
THIS! It's like a new level of educational SI was unlocked on SS for me. :I At least I will be very sure of the success rate when I CTB oh well
 
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