GenesAndEnvironment
Autistic loser
- Jan 26, 2021
- 5,743
I had this thought that I'd leave the forum at 5,555 posts but I ended up staying apparently (didn't pay attention to the post count). Guess I could delete some profile posts (I have 3) and achieve the 5,555. If you can't tell, I have been drinking a bit (sry 4 bad English). With someone else, actually (no, not a friend or gf, I still don't have those [and never will]).
Shit is again really starting to feel like the same thing (again) over and over again (again), even my posts on here (again). Just the same jokes and vents (again). Anyway, I did recently figure out one new strategy that I'm trying out. The aim is to eliminate unnecessary thought-induced suffering. It has worked fairly well for me hitherto, but it's only been a couple of days since I started doing it.
Basically, the strat is just to write down whatever thoughts are unnecessary and are causing suffering into a notepad or whatever. Then, whenever the thought comes, we remember that it's in the book (and since we trust the book 95+%, we can dispose of the thought easily). So, going through all of the items in the list frequently enough to be sure (enough) that these sentences/subjects will bring nothing but pain is necessary.
This will obviously only work on thought-created emotional pain. Still, that could be a part of more concrete problems.
Guess I'm kind of in the mood to make some sort of "life" (
) update. Basically, nothing has changed. I have this new technique to deal with my self-generated emotional pain, I'm also using this to try to get some nofap going (in order to restore sensitivity to my peenus weenus to jack off to porn later). Yeah, looks like I'm gonna be in the basement until I die. I do have some job stuff coming up, so might get some really shitty job (minimum wage type thing) later. Only good thing about a shitty job is that I'll get some light exercise in by not being sedentary.
I was broken at birth (by having autism [and not being female/normie-autistic male]), then I was broken again (by getting some weird personality [attachment disorder, maybe]). It was basically over from the beginning, when you combine this with the fact that I've only ever cared about having a gf. That's it, that's the only thing I care about. And I won't have one, of course. If I do (<1%), it won't even work, since she'll not be a virgin (still don't understand how guys can deal with this). It is over.
Anything I feel like writing about is, obviously, on the list/in the notebook. Nothing can be solved about these things; it's either think about it and suffer, or don't think about it. I'm making an exception here.
Yeah, I'll delete my memes and see if I have a post left until 5,555 after that. Apparently, that did nothing. Oh shit. Fuck the number, then, who cares?
Right, life update. I still want to die, like I did seven years ago (or eight, or nine, or five, or whatever). I'm alive because I don't have physical pain, guess that's about it. Also, would prefer my family to not feel bad about my suicide for long (then it makes sense to just wait with that). Otherwise, I have nothing live for (obviously). Anything I say is just repeating myself. I've written this so many times on here, I don't know why. The only reasonable explanation is that my "monke"-brain thinks that I'm actually talking to people that will jump out of the screen and give me a girlfriend.
I'd rather have that "everything is meaningless" apathy that first drove me to (passive) ideation at 17. Having a need you can't fulfill is worse.
I feel bad when people are doing well, and I feel bad when people are doing poorly. There's no reason to listen to anyone. I regret almost everything I say or type eventually. There's no reason to speak to anyone.
At this point, maybe there are one or two users who have seen enough of my old posts to understand my entire psychology/situation/etc (I think around ten or so previous other posts of this type would be needed). But even if someone does, it doesn't matter (obviously). Can't be alone in sort of hoping that there's one person that somehow gets everything you're saying and will drag you out of this (infantile, no doubt).
A girlfriend, such a common and simple thing. I'd rather die because of some cool or badass reason. Suicide from never having had a gf? It barely even makes sense. I suppose it wouldn't, to most people (in my situation, even). Well, looks like I'm postponing it for a while, anyway. Fuck.
No, I don't think I'll leave the forum. I want to have an account in case I need more death things.
Apparently, I have to go like 30 or 90 days of not jacking off to reset my brain and D, maybe even longer (like a year or something). I've never been able to do one week.
Anyway, the book strategy cope thing. I actually think it should work. We'll see, feel free to try it yourself and give feedback.
I bought this guy alcohol (met him on da streets) three years ago. He called me up last month and before we were supposed to meet he crashed into a wall and got head trauma.
If I get this job, how will I deal with deez normies? I hope that notebook shit holds up. Hasn't been tested in an environment like work where I'm exposed to women and sex-having men (often even couples) for several hours in a row.
At this point (well, this isn't actually new), it feels like I don't have a personality but am randomly generating my responses to things.
It's actually not true that I've never had a gf. When I was 8 or something I asked the ugliest girl in my class out (just because I thought that would be the easiest one to get as my gf), then she cheated on me and I slapped/bone-striked the guy so he fell. Don't think he hit his head on anything, though, lucky. I talked to him later, he's fine.
I want to just be able to put my entire mind out there to review it. I was venting while drinking today, as well. Not sure what I'm looking for. Some answer to fix my shitty life? Not gonna happen. But, there's no real harm in talking shit and being retarded, either. I love the r-word too much to stop using it, I am sorry.
I want to write more; I want to write everything. I want nothing to be left inside. No cap frfr, sheesh.
Shit is again really starting to feel like the same thing (again) over and over again (again), even my posts on here (again). Just the same jokes and vents (again). Anyway, I did recently figure out one new strategy that I'm trying out. The aim is to eliminate unnecessary thought-induced suffering. It has worked fairly well for me hitherto, but it's only been a couple of days since I started doing it.
Basically, the strat is just to write down whatever thoughts are unnecessary and are causing suffering into a notepad or whatever. Then, whenever the thought comes, we remember that it's in the book (and since we trust the book 95+%, we can dispose of the thought easily). So, going through all of the items in the list frequently enough to be sure (enough) that these sentences/subjects will bring nothing but pain is necessary.
This will obviously only work on thought-created emotional pain. Still, that could be a part of more concrete problems.
Guess I'm kind of in the mood to make some sort of "life" (
) update. Basically, nothing has changed. I have this new technique to deal with my self-generated emotional pain, I'm also using this to try to get some nofap going (in order to restore sensitivity to my peenus weenus to jack off to porn later). Yeah, looks like I'm gonna be in the basement until I die. I do have some job stuff coming up, so might get some really shitty job (minimum wage type thing) later. Only good thing about a shitty job is that I'll get some light exercise in by not being sedentary.I was broken at birth (by having autism [and not being female/normie-autistic male]), then I was broken again (by getting some weird personality [attachment disorder, maybe]). It was basically over from the beginning, when you combine this with the fact that I've only ever cared about having a gf. That's it, that's the only thing I care about. And I won't have one, of course. If I do (<1%), it won't even work, since she'll not be a virgin (still don't understand how guys can deal with this). It is over.
Anything I feel like writing about is, obviously, on the list/in the notebook. Nothing can be solved about these things; it's either think about it and suffer, or don't think about it. I'm making an exception here.
Yeah, I'll delete my memes and see if I have a post left until 5,555 after that. Apparently, that did nothing. Oh shit. Fuck the number, then, who cares?
Right, life update. I still want to die, like I did seven years ago (or eight, or nine, or five, or whatever). I'm alive because I don't have physical pain, guess that's about it. Also, would prefer my family to not feel bad about my suicide for long (then it makes sense to just wait with that). Otherwise, I have nothing live for (obviously). Anything I say is just repeating myself. I've written this so many times on here, I don't know why. The only reasonable explanation is that my "monke"-brain thinks that I'm actually talking to people that will jump out of the screen and give me a girlfriend.
I'd rather have that "everything is meaningless" apathy that first drove me to (passive) ideation at 17. Having a need you can't fulfill is worse.
I feel bad when people are doing well, and I feel bad when people are doing poorly. There's no reason to listen to anyone. I regret almost everything I say or type eventually. There's no reason to speak to anyone.
At this point, maybe there are one or two users who have seen enough of my old posts to understand my entire psychology/situation/etc (I think around ten or so previous other posts of this type would be needed). But even if someone does, it doesn't matter (obviously). Can't be alone in sort of hoping that there's one person that somehow gets everything you're saying and will drag you out of this (infantile, no doubt).
A girlfriend, such a common and simple thing. I'd rather die because of some cool or badass reason. Suicide from never having had a gf? It barely even makes sense. I suppose it wouldn't, to most people (in my situation, even). Well, looks like I'm postponing it for a while, anyway. Fuck.
No, I don't think I'll leave the forum. I want to have an account in case I need more death things.
Apparently, I have to go like 30 or 90 days of not jacking off to reset my brain and D, maybe even longer (like a year or something). I've never been able to do one week.
Anyway, the book strategy cope thing. I actually think it should work. We'll see, feel free to try it yourself and give feedback.
I bought this guy alcohol (met him on da streets) three years ago. He called me up last month and before we were supposed to meet he crashed into a wall and got head trauma.
If I get this job, how will I deal with deez normies? I hope that notebook shit holds up. Hasn't been tested in an environment like work where I'm exposed to women and sex-having men (often even couples) for several hours in a row.
At this point (well, this isn't actually new), it feels like I don't have a personality but am randomly generating my responses to things.
It's actually not true that I've never had a gf. When I was 8 or something I asked the ugliest girl in my class out (just because I thought that would be the easiest one to get as my gf), then she cheated on me and I slapped/bone-striked the guy so he fell. Don't think he hit his head on anything, though, lucky. I talked to him later, he's fine.
I want to just be able to put my entire mind out there to review it. I was venting while drinking today, as well. Not sure what I'm looking for. Some answer to fix my shitty life? Not gonna happen. But, there's no real harm in talking shit and being retarded, either. I love the r-word too much to stop using it, I am sorry.
I want to write more; I want to write everything. I want nothing to be left inside. No cap frfr, sheesh.
