"Out of sight, out of mind"

[wildflowers1996]

Why do humanitarian workers bother to go to places like Gaza?

It would be easier for them to just pretend what's happening isn't happening, but they don't. They choose to put themselves in danger to help others.

I suppose you could say that they're really going for their own benefit, because helping people gives them a sense of purpose. I don't really think that though. I think they probably wish so, so much that all the horrors happening there weren't happening, and they don't want to be there. You could say that they do what they do because they can't stand to think of the people/animals there suffering - but would it not be easier just to do anything they can to take their minds' off it? To pretend that no one there is suffering? "Ignorance is bliss"?

I'm sure that's what a lot of us do, to protect ourselves. It's too painful to think about, so we don't. But that doesn't make the suffering in Gaza stop, just because we are unaware of it. And if you are aware of that - that is incredibly painful - so you just don't think about it. And so on. But not everyone takes that path; some people are motivated into action, into trying to help those people. Maybe they just lack the ability not to think about the suffering, to pretend it isn't real, I don't know.

But clearly, they're not solipsists, they believe in an external world, of suffering outside of their own. For the same reason I find killing myself really difficult, because I end my own pain, but not others' - and I am no more important than anyone else.

For my own benefit, ending my pain makes sense, so why do I find it so difficult? I won't be there to see my family suffering after I die - but I can't get past this thought "but that doesn't mean the suffering doesn't exist". Maybe it's that thought in itself which is holding me back - if I stop thinking about it, I'll be able to ctb. Am I just incapable of blocking out that thought? Maybe I should be trying to block it out? But there's such a strong voice in me saying "please don't hurt them".

I guess I'm saying - why do we care about others, when it just hurts us?

 

[Coconut blue]

because those who don't care about others are socially condemned and most ppl want to be accepted, and don't want to put up with the idea that they're a bad person. also the sense of empathy present in human nature prompts us to care about and do smth to alleviate the sufferings of others. and ppl who dont have empathy are called psychopaths and unanimously censured even tho its not rlly their fault they were born that way

 

[wildflowers1996]

because those who don't care about others are socially condemned and most ppl want to be accepted, and don't want to put up with the idea that they're a bad person. also the sense of empathy present in human nature prompts us to care about and do smth to alleviate the sufferings of others. and ppl who dont have empathy are called psychopaths and unanimously censured even tho its not rlly their fault they were born that way

Most humanitarian workers would not be condemned for choosing not to think about Gaza. It's what most people are doing; pretending it isn't happening. They wouldn't be called psychopaths and censored. They could just live a happy life and not put themselves through so much pain.

If I kill myself, I won't have to think I'm a bad person, because I'll be dead. I won't suffer from feeling empathy, because I'll be dead. So why is it so difficult?

 

[Coconut blue]

Most humanitarian workers would not be condemned for choosing not to think about Gaza. It's what most people are doing; pretending it isn't happening. They wouldn't be called psychopaths and censored. They could just live a happy life and not put themselves through so much pain.

If I kill myself, I won't have to think I'm a bad person, because I'll be dead. I won't suffer from feeling empathy, because I'll be dead. So why is it so difficult?

most ppl only want to think they care. if they're asked about what happened in gaza, they probably express concern about the loss of life, but for most it just stops there. the ironic thing is, if you say out loud you dont care about others suffering you will be censured, but if you say you care but dont do anything, society's ok with it, even though the two courses of action have the same impact on the ppl going through the suffering. so i guess its a "people care but not enough" situation. but people don't want to think they don't care.
i think the reason you have moral qualms about committing suicide is because right now you're alive and conscious. of course you won't have any negative feelings once you die--your family will be devastated but you won't be around to see it--but you're not dead, and while you're still conscious you still care. its up to you to balance the desire to end pain with the sense of obligation you have to your family. ultimately, its the experiences and feelings you have when you're conscious that count, so if the idea of causing your family pain bothers you significantly now, I'd suggest looking for some other options to deal with the problems in your life. i know i can't give you advice on how to do so and its an overused line of reasoning to dissuade ppl from killing themselves, but i just don't think you do yourself justice leaving the world with a burdened conscience

 

[Linda]

Why do humanitarian workers bother to go to places like Gaza?

It would be easier for them to just pretend what's happening isn't happening, but they don't. They choose to put themselves in danger to help others.

I suppose you could say that they're really going for their own benefit, because helping people gives them a sense of purpose. I don't really think that though. I think they probably wish so, so much that all the horrors happening there weren't happening, and they don't want to be there. You could say that they do what they do because they can't stand to think of the people/animals there suffering - but would it not be easier just to do anything they can to take their minds' off it? To pretend that no one there is suffering? "Ignorance is bliss"?

I'm sure that's what a lot of us do, to protect ourselves. It's too painful to think about, so we don't. But that doesn't make the suffering in Gaza stop, just because we are unaware of it. And if you are aware of that - that is incredibly painful - so you just don't think about it. And so on. But not everyone takes that path; some people are motivated into action, into trying to help those people. Maybe they just lack the ability not to think about the suffering, to pretend it isn't real, I don't know.

But clearly, they're not solipsists, they believe in an external world, of suffering outside of their own. For the same reason I find killing myself really difficult, because I end my own pain, but not others' - and I am no more important than anyone else.

For my own benefit, ending my pain makes sense, so why do I find it so difficult? I won't be there to see my family suffering after I die - but I can't get past this thought "but that doesn't mean the suffering doesn't exist". Maybe it's that thought in itself which is holding me back - if I stop thinking about it, I'll be able to ctb. Am I just incapable of blocking out that thought? Maybe I should be trying to block it out? But there's such a strong voice in me saying "please don't hurt them".

I guess I'm saying - why do we care about others, when it just hurts us?

" ... why do we care about others ..." Historically, those with whom we associate most have tended to be our relatives. Our relatives share some of our DNA. Genes that make us care about people who are likely to share our DNA promote the survival of those people, and thus the propagation of those genes. That's the basic reason. (There is an extensive literature on the evolution of altruism, which you can read if you want.)
Having evolved a tendency to care for those related to us, it sometimes gets applied to people who are not closely related. Sometimes that is adaptive (for reasons that I could explain, but they are complicated and the subject would need too long a discussion to be practical here.) Sometimes it seems to be maladaptive, as the Gaza example you cite may be (though even that example, and others like it, are not as straightforward as they seem at first glance).
This is a large subject, and I suggest you do some reading in the relevant evolutionary literature. The qustions you poes have been asked - and answered - many times before.

 

[wildflowers1996]

most ppl only want to think they care. if they're asked about what happened in gaza, they probably express concern about the loss of life, but for most it just stops there. the ironic thing is, if you say out loud you dont care about others suffering you will be censured, but if you say you care but dont do anything, society's ok with it, even though the two courses of action have the same impact on the ppl going through the suffering. so i guess its a "people care but not enough" situation. but people don't want to think they don't care.
i think the reason you have moral qualms about committing suicide is because right now you're alive and conscious. of course you won't have any negative feelings once you die--your family will be devastated but you won't be around to see it--but you're not dead, and while you're still conscious you still care. its up to you to balance the desire to end pain with the sense of obligation you have to your family. ultimately, its the experiences and feelings you have when you're conscious that count, so if the idea of causing your family pain bothers you significantly now, I'd suggest looking for some other options to deal with the problems in your life. i know i can't give you advice on how to do so and its an overused line of reasoning to dissuade ppl from killing themselves, but i just don't think you do yourself justice leaving the world with a burdened conscience

I think I'm in the "people care but not enough" category. I've been to protests, I've posted online on social media about it, I've written to government officials, I've donated - and now I feel I've just given up. But did I do those things just to convince myself I care, or to look good to others? I don't know. I think it was partly out of a sense of duty, but I don't even trust my own motivations any more.

Yes, that makes sense. :( I have tried every other option to deal with my problems though. I feel so absolutely trapped, because there's no way out of my problems. Only a way out of the pain, but that just causes others pain.

 

[Coconut blue]

I think I'm in the "people care but not enough" category. I've been to protests, I've posted online on social media about it, I've written to government officials, I've donated - and now I feel I've just given up. But did I do those things just to convince myself I care, or to look good to others? I don't know. I think it was partly out of a sense of duty, but I don't even trust my own motivations any more.

Yes, that makes sense. :( I have tried every other option to deal with my problems though. I feel so absolutely trapped, because there's no way out of my problems. Only a way out of the pain, but that just causes others pain.

don't blame yourself... i think you're alr doing more to help the less fortunate than me, my family, basically everyone i know, and definitely more than most western and arab politicians just going with the gaza example, i also think whats happening there is terrible, but i've stayed silent about it on social media and chosen not to make political comments to others my life regarding the conflict bc i'm afraid of having what i say used against me to ruin my career/college prospects/reputation etc. so at least you're wayyy better than me. you aren't responsible for their suffering, and you're doing the best you can. everyone has their own battles in life, given how badly you're struggling in your own life, I'd definitely commend you for your willingness to participate in protests and be vocal about the causes you're passionate about. just because the way you contribute isn't as "direct" or immediately impactful as, say, the volunteers who go to gaza, doesn't mean your efforts are any less valid

 

[wildflowers1996]

" ... why do we care about others ..." Historically, those with whom we associate most have tended to be our relatives. Our relatives share some of our DNA. Genes that make us care about people who are likely to share our DNA promote the survival of those people, and thus the propagation of those genes. That's the basic reason. (There is an extensive literature on the evolution of altruism, which you can read if you want.)
Having evolved a tendency to care for those related to us, it sometimes gets applied to people who are not closely related. Sometimes that is adaptive (for reasons that I could explain, but they are complicated and the subject would need too long a discussion to be practical here.) Sometimes it seems to be maladaptive, as the Gaza example you cite may be (though even that example, and others like it, are not as straightforward as they seem at first glance).
This is a large subject, and I suggest you do some reading in the relevant evolutionary literature. The qustions you poes have been asked - and answered - many times before.

Thank you for your responses; I appreciate them. I do not have the energy to focus on reading at the moment; I hope that doesn't come across as an excuse - I am completely overwhelmed. I can't even make myself eat, let alone read complex literature. I suppose I'm asking questions here looking for simple answers, but it's probably not possible to make them simple.

I suppose I find it strange that you say it is "maladaptive" behaviour, caring about people in Gaza (if that's what you're saying - sorry if it's not)

It almost makes me think - well, if it's just harmful to me, then I shouldn't care about them.

But I do - at least I think I do. I follow lots and lots of charities and activists on Instagram, who say things like "just because something doesn't affect you personally, doesn't mean you shouldn't care" "don't look away" "don't keep scrolling" - telling me I am "wrong" and "bad" if I don't care.

And really, I agree with them. I feel very much that it is wrong to just ignore others' suffering - and yet from an evolutionary point of view, maybe it makes no sense.

 

[Linda]

Thank you for your responses; I appreciate them. I do not have the energy to focus on reading at the moment; I hope that doesn't come across as an excuse - I am completely overwhelmed. I can't even make myself eat, let alone read complex literature. I suppose I'm asking questions here looking for simple answers, but it's probably not possible to make them simple.

I suppose I find it strange that you say it is "maladaptive" behaviour, caring about people in Gaza (if that's what you're saying - sorry if it's not)

It almost makes me think - well, if it's just harmful to me, then I shouldn't care about them.

But I do - at least I think I do. I follow lots and lots of charities and activists on Instagram, who say things like "just because something doesn't affect you personally, doesn't mean you shouldn't care" "don't look away" "don't keep scrolling" - telling me I am "wrong" and "bad" if I don't care.

And really, I agree with them. I feel very much that it is wrong to just ignore others' suffering - and yet from an evolutionary point of view, maybe it makes no sense.

I was using the word "maladaptive" in its very specific technical sense. In that sense, helping people in Gaza may indeed be maladaptive.
Like the other subejcts we have been discussing, let's try again when you are feeling less tired.
I don't ignore other peoples suffering either. That's why I spend time on this site. But my behaviour is maladaptive, in the sense that it does nothing to promote the propagation of my genes, and I could spend my time and effort in ways that would promote the propagation of my genes. Natural selection will tend to weed out that kind of behaviour, whether we like it or not, though it may take millions of years to do so.
(There is an alternative viewpoint, which argues that because of the way compassion for your near relatives works, it is just not possible to confine its expression to near relatives. An analogy might be that if you are singing a lullably to your baby, it is just not possible to stop nearby babies also hearing it and benefitting from it.)