Venting Out of every mental illness I have, borderline is by far the worst

[Nekura]

It's like every emotion you have wants you dead, every feeling wants to end you. You feel so much so so fucking much, way too much for anyone to bear. You can't stop it, noone can, nothing can, it fills you up until you can't breath anymore. It feels like everything inside you is clogged, you wish it was. But still it continues on and on, on and on and on just enduring all of it. There will never be peace for me as long as I am in this world. I wish lobotomy was still an option, as long as I live noone would have to grief and I would be free from feeling.

 

[sweetdrowning]

Yep. I can completely relate. I've come to the conclusion recently that I can't be close to people despite that being the only thing I really want out of life. When your own brain is your enemy all the time and it's impossible to stop, I understand why you feel this way.

 

[Hollowman]

Lobotomy is an option. Psych meds gave me and a lot of people a chemical lobotomy.

 

[Nekura]

Really? Which an how?

 

[telekon]

Really? Which an how?

You don't want a chemical lobotomy. You need to change the parts of your life that are causing you stress. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[stupidplant]

hii im new here and also have borderline :(
yeah this shit sucks its just pure pain and hurts everyone around you and i feel the guilt of it 24/7 it really does feel like leaving this earth is the only way to stop it all and spare everyone else
it feels so rare and dehumanizing, but its nice remembering theres others with it out there. lobotomy sounds pretty nice lol

 

[Mrs. T-800]

I used to fit the criteria, but after a lot of effort and a few years, it's no longer the case. I say this not to tout anything but to say: treatment is possible! Of course I still have difficulty in some areas and my suicidal nature is a separate issue but BPD is addressable and there is hope. Don't cross it off.