Venting Other people’s deaths make me jealous

[sickofeverything]

I know it may be morbid and I feel bad for the people it happens to because they may not have wanted to die but when I read or head news of others dying it makes me so upset and jealous that it's them and not me. A woman was killed by her husband for filling for divorce, another probably killed by her fiance after her birthday where he proposed, random people being hit by a car and dying. It always seemed to me that good people who are happy and want to live die and people who are sad and don't live, it never seemed fair. It feels like a lot more people are dying this year on the news and yet it's not me and I have to do it myself. I hate that feeling of jealousy I get thinking why them and not me.i already have my messages scheduled I just need to figure out the final rope logistics and I feel bad for my cats losing me they won't know what happened but all the people posting about manifesting and timeline jumps, etc. I've been manifesting not waking up for awhile and it's not happening, life is just unfair bs

 

[Worndown]

Don't worry, in due time we all make that jump.

 

[sickofeverything]

Don't worry, in due time we all make that jump.

It's not fast enough. I feel so bad I want to talk to my mom but she won't understand and I don't want to burden her. I wish we could decide mentally to press a button and just not wake up. That way it wouldn't hurt anyone including ourselves or traumatize anyone with what they find. I had an ex almost kill me until my fight or flight kicked in and god I wish I suppressed it and let him kill me, maybe it would be easier for my mom than what will happen soon

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm jealous of dead people too. I think it's a normal feeling for suicidal people.
But I have a theory about it : these people die because they LIVE FULLY. For example me, I'm rotting at home, I'm isolated (no friends, no partners, no kids), I don't work, I don't drive, I don't travel, ... so it decreases significantly the risks of diying by accident or terrorism for example.

 

[sickofeverything]

I'm jealous of dead people too. I think it's a normal feeling for suicidal people.
But I have a theory about it : these people die because they LIVE FULLY. For example me, I'm rotting at home, I'm isolated (no friends, no partners, no kids), I don't work, I don't drive, I don't travel, ... so it decreases significantly the risks of diying by accident or terrorism for example.

Yeah that's true. When I was starting to live for once and be happy I was in a few almost death situations, almost car crashes and a mall shooting but nothing happened unfortunately. I thought about going out when I saw ice was killing people on the street but they weren't in my city at all at the time, still aren't so that's not an option for me. Thought about car crashing because there have been so many deaths that way recently near me but the chances of surviving is terrible.

 

[Useless Idiot]

I feel jealous and upset when I hear about people's death news too. I also think good people die always..

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I sort of relate. Whenever I hear about people that have killed themselves I feel jealous that they actually had the guts to go through with it, and I don't. I also feel kinda invalidated and feel as if I'm not "mentally ill enough" because of that. Which is not true because death is an incredibly irreversible and terrifying decision to make.

 

[sickofeverything]

I sort of relate. Whenever I hear about people that have killed themselves I feel jealous that they actually had the guts to go through with it, and I don't. I also feel kinda invalidated and feel as if I'm not "mentally ill enough" because of that. Which is not true because death is an incredibly irreversible and terrifying decision to make.

Yeah I feel it for both, I wouldn't want to go through the pain that others have gone through if they were victims to someone else but the fact that they didn't have to do it themselves I feel jealousy over. I know people look down on suicide especially in young cases like teenagers but when I hear those stories I feel exactly what you describe that they were strong enough to do it and I am struggling to get over the body's natural response to get off a stupid chair, makes me feel weak

 

[TAW122]

I do have some envy, partly because I know that "why couldn't it be me?" kind of feeling whenever I learn or hear about others' deaths. Then again, I know that perhaps some who die (not by their own choice, but by accidents, victim of crimes, or other causes) may have wanted to live. However, I know that all human beings, myself included will all face death at some point and while most people don't end up dying by their own hand, those who do and by purely their own volition, are the most fortunate ones, being able to go on their own terms and not be pushed by other causes or dying outside of what they planned.