Orthorexia as SH

[opheliaoveragain]

Denying myself food for so long that my brain no longer produces "normal" hunger signals on its own, and then adding in obsessive exercise on top of it has become a returned to form of self harm. Gotta do something in between applying to "jobs" (in quotes bc I think most things are scams), I'm somewhere in the 100's of applications in a short period. It's only making me push down the pedal harder, longer periods of restriction, longer workouts, more reps, more method research. I want out of the hell that has become this fucking country and world.
Meant to add that it's 100's of apps with maybe 1/100 responding at all and then they wanna stick you in multiple rounds of interviews without even discussing compensation. It's a bullshit scam and everyone telling me to just keep going can get fucked.

 

[derpyderpins]

It's gross that companies have the audacity to expect any type of loyalty when they treat you like that from the time you're an applicant. If I had more time and energy I'd respond to recruiters and express interest all the time just to ghost firms when they ask me for an interview.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

It's gross that companies have the audacity to expect any type of loyalty when they treat you like that from the time you're an applicant. If I had more time and energy I'd respond to recruiters and express interest all the time just to ghost firms when they ask me for an interview.

Appreciate you, friend. I'm to the point that I barely look at the company anymore bc I'm so deep into it (minus like watching out for like places that will hide that I need my life ins lic to work the job 25 minutes into a 30 minute required view video…. This is the case with A LOT of listings, they will be sneaky and list sometimes as the umbrella or parent corp vs saying they're globe life or whatever.
But make no fuckin mistake, I'm merely playing the video game I feel is socially required of me in order to keep up appearances. I feel closer to myself when I'm researching CTB than anything else nowadays. I hope I can get there before there's a hurricane or worse, the fucking election. FUCKKK MAN, fuck this place fuck everything its done, to everyone not in the US I'm so fucking sorry, it makes me fucking sick.