FakeSmileGuy
hate myself lol
- Apr 16, 2024
- 60
On this date last year, at this hour, I am in my car, taking a 5 hour drive to my decided spot, after lying to my entire family, to my friends, and my therapist. I have a playlist I've been making for weeks and I have my favorite chips on the passenger side. I have a knife and a rope in the trunk. The sun is getting low, and the sky is a blue lavender color. I'm there. I open a stolen bottle of red wine and drink half of it on the way up the mountain. It's really cold. I move forward almost without thinking. Eventually I get to the end. I sit on the floor by a stream, I'm wearing brown pants, a white T shirt,white high top sneakers, and a thin plain blue zip up hoodie. It's dark now, it's very cold. My final meal is some cheese I cut up prior to the trip and a serving of jamon serrano. I can see mice occasionally, not too far from me. They eat some of the cheese I give them. I finish my wine and finish writing my suicide notes. It's very cold. My hands are cold. There is no cell service. I play a song I downloaded for this. My phone is almost dead. I place a blade against my neck. I place a blade against my neck. I want to end it I've decided I want to but something doesn't let me my body refuses though my mind wants to go. It's been a few minutes. I've decided I can't do it this way. I have a rope. I tie a noose. The rope hangs from my neck as I walk back, looking for a place to hang myself. I CANT FIND ANYTHING. I'm confused. I'm cold. I don't know what to do. I can see my car again. The noose around my neck is heavy and I can't find a spot to hang. I get in the car. I start to drive home. My phone has one bar. I start to see missed phone calls. I call my dad. The drive home takes 5 hours. The sun is rising by the time I return. I am supposed to be dead. I am home.
