birdie7
Member
- Apr 5, 2026
- 6
It's one of those nights I want to climb out of my skin. Or maybe retreat inward, so small that my body feels like an endless palace I can stumble around forever. I suppose I already do that.
Distractions are amazing. But today nothing is good. I have to carefully parse through my music to find something I can actually listen to.
Nights like these as a child I'd go quiet, or grow frustrated, or relapse. But today I'm just sitting with it. I always come back to dying as a way out. It feels more aligned with my needs than any other solution so far.
I don't know why it's so hard for some people to comprehend. I guess it's easy when you haven't felt enough pain. I think death can be merciful. I'd like some of that mercy one day. This is no way to live, always afraid, always sorry, always crucified, never doing anything to ease it. Small things feel big, I am insignificantly small and I feel big. I walk down the street on fire, burning with shame, and no one bats an eye. I don't care either.
If there is a God, I've got a few things to say to him.
Distractions are amazing. But today nothing is good. I have to carefully parse through my music to find something I can actually listen to.
Nights like these as a child I'd go quiet, or grow frustrated, or relapse. But today I'm just sitting with it. I always come back to dying as a way out. It feels more aligned with my needs than any other solution so far.
I don't know why it's so hard for some people to comprehend. I guess it's easy when you haven't felt enough pain. I think death can be merciful. I'd like some of that mercy one day. This is no way to live, always afraid, always sorry, always crucified, never doing anything to ease it. Small things feel big, I am insignificantly small and I feel big. I walk down the street on fire, burning with shame, and no one bats an eye. I don't care either.
If there is a God, I've got a few things to say to him.
