It's fucking hopeless and pretty much the entire reason for my ctb. I'm touching 40 and have never even felt the touch of a woman. A couple of one-sided love instances didn't get anywhere.
Just yesterday I politely smiled at someone who'd joined my workplace less than a week ago and she looked up but... didn't even acknowledge it? This despite us sitting literally next to each other lol. This is a person who doesn't know anything about me so it can't have been for something wrong I did. Oh well.
It's almost like women can sense some kind of negative energy around me that repels them. That makes sense NOW, given I AM nothing but negative energy now. But years ago when I was a lot more positive, laughing, joking, spreading good vibes, "putting myself out there" etc etc, it was nothing different. I hate being all r/niceguy-ish like this but it's literally just what happened. I don't feel like blaming anybody else for my predicament though. Clearly there's something wrong with ME, that I just can't for the life of me figure out. All the usual advice I read on the internet hasn't worked out -- personal hygiene, sense of humor, taking care of myself (gymming etc), having hobbies... nope nada. It's like a fucking mystery that I ll probably never find the answer to.
I've been lonely for long enough that I've had delusional cope thoughts like "movies like 40 year old virgin were made because clearly there's a significant number of them" lmao.