Mx_Pathetic
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- May 8, 2023
- 114
Just a bit of an update on my life I guess-
My mother found out that I was creating a suicide letter, it kept her up for about a week and she struggled at work because all she could think of was me not being alive when she came home. Even tho I had told her previously that this year I was going to end my life after April so she had nothing to worry about... (Guess she didnt take me seriously)
She took my best friend and I to the beach for lunch, it was a trap. They both wanted to talk to me about "how I was feeling" my bff told me the night she "accepted" the fact that I was killing myself, that she had regretted not fighting for me and that she was drunk at the time. I honestly wasn't comfortable during the whole "lunch". I felt highly attacked and so misunderstood. Even tho both my mum and friend experience depression and suicidal thoughts, they still didn't understand...anyway skip ahead to a few days after that, my mum wants me in therapy again to try get "better" pills, she also up'd my pills again. I feel so forced and attacked idk what to do. I agreed to give it another try even tho, like I've said it was forced. My mum said it's not "one last try" and that I have to keep trying. But I'm generally making this my last try. Which pisses me off because I don't want to live anymore. Maybe I will still ctb this year. We'll see. Still going to make a thread about the beam I'm planning on using, as I'd like to know people's opinions if it'll be able to hold.
Anyways that's it I guess...just wanted to get it off my chest...
My mother found out that I was creating a suicide letter, it kept her up for about a week and she struggled at work because all she could think of was me not being alive when she came home. Even tho I had told her previously that this year I was going to end my life after April so she had nothing to worry about... (Guess she didnt take me seriously)
She took my best friend and I to the beach for lunch, it was a trap. They both wanted to talk to me about "how I was feeling" my bff told me the night she "accepted" the fact that I was killing myself, that she had regretted not fighting for me and that she was drunk at the time. I honestly wasn't comfortable during the whole "lunch". I felt highly attacked and so misunderstood. Even tho both my mum and friend experience depression and suicidal thoughts, they still didn't understand...anyway skip ahead to a few days after that, my mum wants me in therapy again to try get "better" pills, she also up'd my pills again. I feel so forced and attacked idk what to do. I agreed to give it another try even tho, like I've said it was forced. My mum said it's not "one last try" and that I have to keep trying. But I'm generally making this my last try. Which pisses me off because I don't want to live anymore. Maybe I will still ctb this year. We'll see. Still going to make a thread about the beam I'm planning on using, as I'd like to know people's opinions if it'll be able to hold.
Anyways that's it I guess...just wanted to get it off my chest...
