One last question for me One last time

[jeoel]

i'm 20 , i'm short person , i can say that maybe i'm ugly , ofc i hate myself , for my story its short one :
i destroyed myself by my own hands
now i want to die / kill myself but i'm not sure and i'm scared , sometimes these days i'm sure if i handle a knife in my hands there is 70% chance
that i will just send it directly to my heart , i'm scared from getting near anything could kill me cuz i have a feeling that i will do it
i still have to apologize to someone people i hurt them so much , and say thanks to others
i'm a student in the best collage in my country , i have everything i wanted , sadly my mom is dead since 7 years , but i still have dad and brother
i destroyed everything in my life , i was the funny boy with lot a friends , everyone know him and love him
Now ........... i have no one ,alone and alone and alone , even my classmates dosent know me or even know my name
just imagine going to class full of cool people without talking to anyone - just in the corner of the class using your phone alone / i swear its so much painful - after my mom death i undesirably start destroy myself -idk how and why - but the result is :
i was happy and now i'm in the darkness sadness about to kill myself at any second
- i have a private note in my phone using it from 3 years and i notice that i typed "feeling more pain" 2362 time.....
and yes i'm feeling more and more pain that i can't describe
Now guys i want to ask one last question and i swear that my life depends on it :
1-is it time for me to die
or
2-i should give myself one last real chance* ?
*if the chance fail i will kill myself directly
method : knife into my heart
not a joke....or for attraction like most people said
btw i have some rule in my life like i have no right to cry and i have limit of words to say in public and to say no to anyone who want to help me : just to feel more pain - idk why i'm doing this to myself just pain and pain and pain
advice : from my experience don't play with loneliness - pain - you personality - being negative - depression
these are so much dangerous and can get out of control at any times- then when you notice it - its to much late and you will live in endless pain

 

[A simple aid]

i'm 20 , i'm short person , i can say that maybe i'm ugly , ofc i hate myself , for my story its short one :
i destroyed myself by my own hands
now i want to die / kill myself but i'm not sure and i'm scared , sometimes these days i'm sure if i handle a knife in my hands there is 70% chance
that i will just send it directly to my heart , i'm scared from getting near anything could kill me cuz i have a feeling that i will do it
i still have to apologize to someone people i hurt them so much , and say thanks to others
i'm a student in the best collage in my country , i have everything i wanted , sadly my mom is dead since 7 years , but i still have dad and brother
i destroyed everything in my life , i was the funny boy with lot a friends , everyone know him and love him
Now ........... i have no one ,alone and alone and alone , even my classmates dosent know me or even know my name
just imagine going to class full of cool people without talking to anyone - just in the corner of the class using your phone alone / i swear its so much painful - after my mom death i undesirably start destroy myself -idk how and why - but the result is :
i was happy and now i'm in the darkness sadness about to kill myself at any second
- i have a private note in my phone using it from 3 years and i notice that i typed "feeling more pain" 2362 time.....
and yes i'm feeling more and more pain that i can't describe
Now guys i want to ask one last question and i swear that my life depends on it :
1-is it time for me to die
or
2-i should give myself one last real chance* ?
*if the chance fail i will kill myself directly
method : knife into my heart
not a joke....or for attraction like most people said
btw i have some rule in my life like i have no right to cry and i have limit of words to say in public and to say no to anyone who want to help me : just to feel more pain - idk why i'm doing this to myself just pain and pain and pain
advice : from my experience don't play with loneliness - pain - you personality - being negative - depression
these are so much dangerous and can get out of control at any times- then when you notice it - its to much late and you will live in endless pain

bro i think you should reach out to people who care about you and understand you....your family may care but no get it....the people here may understand but not care....dude dont join this sespool of depression and sadness and stuff....save others from the pain you yourself have felt be a light not a depressing darkness....if anything im here if you wanna talk

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering I hope you give it one last chance. There are better ways to go than a knife into your heart!! Please don't do that. I'm sorry for your mum's death. Why don't you try to make friends in class? Get talking with your classmates. Arrange fun things to do with some of them

 

[Barteljaap]

bro i think you should reach out to people who care about you and understand you....your family may care but no get it....the people here may understand but not care....dude dont join this sespool of depression and sadness and stuff....save others from the pain you yourself have felt be a light not a depressing darkness....if anything im here if you wanna talk

Ah, the "positive" guy on the suicide forum.

 

[A simple aid]

Ah, the "positive" guy on the suicide forum.

sigh not the positive guy.....they can do as the please...its just that itll be a cycle of suffering if the very people who know what youre going through dont help...if he wants to die by all means...good luck to him....but like most here...hell probably still be around

 

[blackwidow]

Ah, the "positive" guy on the suicide forum.

what's wrong with what the OP said? this whole site isn't about being negative..

 

[A simple aid]

what's wrong with what the OP said? this whole site isn't about being negative..

honestly i think...its like this eye of the storm for all this misery and suffering and depression and sorrow.....and wats astonishes me the most is people tell each other...i understand....goodluck...or here do such and such.....ud think the guy who knows ur pain best can help ur pain ryt.... i mean they cry that the world is bad ...come here to be told that yeah its true and we understand...and that just it......if we keep telling ourselves people are beyond saving or watever we put in our minds...we repeat the same problem for which we say the world is bad

 

[FuneralCry]

Only you know what you should do as after all, it's your life and only you are the one who are living it. Nobody else can tell you what to do. Ctb by stabbing sounds like a horrific way to leave this world to me, I would personally not choose that method, but I understand having limited access of ways to leave this world. I hate how it can be so hard to die. Existing can certainly be painful for so many in this world and it must be tiring what you have to endure. I wish you the best.

 

[blackwidow]

i'm 20 , i'm short person , i can say that maybe i'm ugly , ofc i hate myself , for my story its short one :
i destroyed myself by my own hands
now i want to die / kill myself but i'm not sure and i'm scared , sometimes these days i'm sure if i handle a knife in my hands there is 70% chance
that i will just send it directly to my heart , i'm scared from getting near anything could kill me cuz i have a feeling that i will do it
i still have to apologize to someone people i hurt them so much , and say thanks to others
i'm a student in the best collage in my country , i have everything i wanted , sadly my mom is dead since 7 years , but i still have dad and brother
i destroyed everything in my life , i was the funny boy with lot a friends , everyone know him and love him
Now ........... i have no one ,alone and alone and alone , even my classmates dosent know me or even know my name
just imagine going to class full of cool people without talking to anyone - just in the corner of the class using your phone alone / i swear its so much painful - after my mom death i undesirably start destroy myself -idk how and why - but the result is :
i was happy and now i'm in the darkness sadness about to kill myself at any second
- i have a private note in my phone using it from 3 years and i notice that i typed "feeling more pain" 2362 time.....
and yes i'm feeling more and more pain that i can't describe
Now guys i want to ask one last question and i swear that my life depends on it :
1-is it time for me to die
or
2-i should give myself one last real chance* ?
*if the chance fail i will kill myself directly
method : knife into my heart
not a joke....or for attraction like most people said
btw i have some rule in my life like i have no right to cry and i have limit of words to say in public and to say no to anyone who want to help me : just to feel more pain - idk why i'm doing this to myself just pain and pain and pain
advice : from my experience don't play with loneliness - pain - you personality - being negative - depression
these are so much dangerous and can get out of control at any times- then when you notice it - its to much late and you will live in endless pain

honestly i think...its like this eye of the storm for all this misery and suffering and depression and sorrow.....and wats astonishes me the most is people tell each other...i understand....goodluck...or here do such and such.....ud think the guy who knows ur pain best can help ur pain ryt.... i mean they cry that the world is bad ...come here to be told that yeah its true and we understand...and that just it......if we keep telling ourselves people are beyond saving or watever we put in our minds...we repeat the same problem for which we say the world is bad

I have to agree.. People forget this site has many sides to it.. recovery included.. games.. and humour, yes humour on a suicide forum who'd of thought Hay The negatively portrayed by some on here is quite frankly even more depressing.. same shit repeated in every comment for the last god knows how many years.. but I guess at the end of the day none of us on here know each others struggles and mindset so at times we just write how we feel at the time depending on the mood we're in.. I've never wished anyone luck on here.. or even imagined to understand how they feel.. some people just come here to wollow in their own self pity and whatever anyone says won't matter anyway.. noone will change or alter anyone's mind if they are in that dark place of no return, that you or i or anyone on here infact has got too or they wouldnt be here.. but it doesn't mean that kind words can't be used..

 

[jeoel]

bro i think you should reach out to people who care about you and understand you....your family may care but no get it....the people here may understand but not care....dude dont join this sespool of depression and sadness and stuff....save others from the pain you yourself have felt be a light not a depressing darkness....if anything im here if you wanna talk

im already deeeep in depression - i didn't mention that i already hurt my hand 2 times using a knife as a sign that i really want to die
i was about to post about why you should not suicide to maybe help people as a one good last thing then i found out that i typed all of that...
i regret that i posted this post and i revealed my feelings - im not sure of giving myself a chance
thanks everyone here

Only you know what you should do as after all, it's your life and only you are the one who are living it. Nobody else can tell you what to do. Ctb by stabbing sounds like a horrific way to leave this world to me, I would personally not choose that method, but I understand having limited access of ways to leave this world. I hate how it can be so hard to die. Existing can certainly be painful for so many in this world and it must be tiring what you have to endure. I wish you the best.

yep am with u
am the only responsible here
i just doing things that makes me feel more and more pain
sometimes i feel like am addicted to feeling pain bc i feel pain all the time

 

[Barteljaap]

I have to agree.. People forget this site has many sides to it.. recovery included.. games.. and humour, yes humour on a suicide forum who'd of thought Hay The negatively portrayed by some on here is quite frankly even more depressing.. same shit repeated in every comment for the last god knows how many years.. but I guess at the end of the day none of us on here know each others struggles and mindset so at times we just write how we feel at the time depending on the mood we're in.. I've never wished anyone luck on here.. or even imagined to understand how they feel.. some people just come here to wollow in their own self pity and whatever anyone says won't matter anyway.. noone will change or alter anyone's mind if they are in that dark place of no return, that you or i or anyone on here infact has got too or they wouldnt be here.. but it doesn't mean that kind words can't be used..

You are making the assumption here that life is necessarily better than death. This is the culturally ingrained stance, that is present in the minds of most regular people and in the media. This forum is the one place that accepts that death may be better for some people.

I would never encourage anyone die, and I would never encourage anyone to live. I'm simply 100% pro-choice. Wishing people luck is a beautiful thing, as it gives them an acceptance of their choice and validates the way they are feeling, which is something they won't get from anywhere else in society.

 

[A simple aid]

I have to agree.. People forget this site has many sides to it.. recovery included.. games.. and humour, yes humour on a suicide forum who'd of thought Hay The negatively portrayed by some on here is quite frankly even more depressing.. same shit repeated in every comment for the last god knows how many years.. but I guess at the end of the day none of us on here know each others struggles and mindset so at times we just write how we feel at the time depending on the mood we're in.. I've never wished anyone luck on here.. or even imagined to understand how they feel.. some people just come here to wollow in their own self pity and whatever anyone says won't matter anyway.. noone will change or alter anyone's mind if they are in that dark place of no return, that you or i or anyone on here infact has got too or they wouldnt be here.. but it doesn't mean that kind words can't be used..

sigh

.....people say theres no God because he doesnt help us......the same people burning in the fire with you wont help u.....who THE FUCK should help you

 

[FuneralCry]

I have to agree.. People forget this site has many sides to it.. recovery included.. games.. and humour, yes humour on a suicide forum who'd of thought Hay The negatively portrayed by some on here is quite frankly even more depressing.. same shit repeated in every comment for the last god knows how many years.. but I guess at the end of the day none of us on here know each others struggles and mindset so at times we just write how we feel at the time depending on the mood we're in.. I've never wished anyone luck on here.. or even imagined to understand how they feel.. some people just come here to wollow in their own self pity and whatever anyone says won't matter anyway.. noone will change or alter anyone's mind if they are in that dark place of no return, that you or i or anyone on here infact has got too or they wouldnt be here.. but it doesn't mean that kind words can't be used..

You do know that nobody is forcing you to come on this site if you find it too depressing and there is a section for recovery, and you can only go in that section if you want to. This is the suicide discussion forum for people to vent in a place where they cannot talk about these subjects anywhere else. Everywhere else in this world is full of toxic positivity and forced optimism and I believe that many of people on here just want to be supported in whatever they choose to do, and communicate with those who feel similarly.
And you are just creating toxic negativity by insulting those who wish to vent. But if life is good for you then I'm pleased for you.

 

[GasMonkey]

method : knife into my heart

Don't do that. That's not a reliable method.

 

[A simple aid]

im already deeeep in depression - i didn't mention that i already hurt my hand 2 times using a knife as a sign that i really want to die
i was about to post about why you should not suicide to maybe help people as a one good last thing then i found out that i typed all of that...
i regret that i posted this post and i revealed my feelings - im not sure of giving myself a chance
thanks everyone here

yep am with u
am the only responsible here
i just doing things that makes me feel more and more pain
sometimes i feel like am addicted to feeling pain bc i feel pain all the time

bro ....theres no safer space to share your dark thoughts than here....and wanting to make some kind of difference is good...dont give up on yourself just like that man....we all know its bad it hurts its unbearable....but life has no meaning if u dont give it one....if u are content to leave it behind thats fine....but if a part of u wonders why some baby is screaming in pain with cancer....instead of cursing the world....which dont do shit....why dont u try and help....good hearts are rare in humans...maybe some on this site are the very reason they curse the world...but u dont have to be like the thing u reject.....sigh

You do know that nobody is forcing you to come on this site if you find it too depressing and there is a section for recovery, and you can only go in that section if you want to. This is the suicide discussion forum for people to vent in a place where they cannot talk about these subjects anywhere else. Everywhere else in this world is full of toxic positivity and forced optimism and I believe that many of people on here just want to be supported in whatever they choose to do, and communicate with those who feel similarly.
And you are just creating toxic negativity by insulting those who wish to vent. But if life is good for you then I'm pleased for you.

i get what u mean and what you are saying...but this place is not comparable to anywhere else in the world.....they are in bright light...here is great darkness...but here there are others with you sitting in the darkness....we simply ask why not hold hands and make it bearable as opposed to ...more suffering...

 

[jeoel]

Don't do that. That's not a reliable method.

i didn't choose this method , its like i got attracted to it
i feel like its related to my pain level and how much pain i'm feeling ....
and if i planted a knife into my hear i can't be saved
idk idk idk idk i just want to do it like that
i didn't even think if its painful or not
just now if i had knife i will do it
i should calm down a bit....

 

[A simple aid]

You are making the assumption here that life is necessarily better than death. This is the culturally ingrained stance, that is present in the minds of most regular people and in the media. This forum is the one place that accepts that death may be better for some people.

I would never encourage anyone die, and I would never encourage anyone to live. I'm simply 100% pro-choice. Wishing people luck is a beautiful thing, as it gives them an acceptance of their choice and validates the way they are feeling, which is something they won't get from anywhere else in society.

life isnt better than death innately....but in life there is gain and loss...in death there is nothing...if u can be satisfied with nothing ....how about making life a neutral ...at least....ur right its not about prolife...people want u alive for a whole set of reasons....its about preventing or managing the reason for which you are pro choice....to call death relief something must trouble you....relief is given birth to by suffering....why not stop the suffering...if possible...if you truly do care for the person...and ofc if u care...others might suffer less because of them both family and those they might aid

i didn't choose this method , its like i got attracted to it
i feel like its related to my pain level and how much pain i'm feeling ....
and if i planted a knife into my hear i can't be saved
idk idk idk idk i just want to do it like that
i didn't even think if its painful or not
just now if i had knife i will do it
i should calm down a bit....

yeah bro

 

[blackwidow]

You do know that nobody is forcing you to come on this site if you find it too depressing and there is a section for recovery, and you can only go in that section if you want to. This is the suicide discussion forum for people to vent in a place where they cannot talk about these subjects anywhere else. Everywhere else in this world is full of toxic positivity and forced optimism and I believe that many of people on here just want to be supported in whatever they choose to do, and communicate with those who feel similarly.
And you are just creating toxic negativity by insulting those who wish to vent. But if life is good for you then I'm pleased for you.

yes communicate with those who feel similarly.. but none of us know what the other is really thinking.. for instance, you say I am creating toxic negativity.. but I'm not, you couldn't be further from the truth of what I meant or how I feel.. I thought it was really. mean of the OP to say " ah the positive guy on the suicide forum" just because he gave some. positive advice. On here at times if your positive you get shot down..if your negative your shot again..

You do know that nobody is forcing you to come on this site if you find it too depressing and there is a section for recovery, and you can only go in that section if you want to. This is the suicide discussion forum for people to vent in a place where they cannot talk about these subjects anywhere else. Everywhere else in this world is full of toxic positivity and forced optimism and I believe that many of people on here just want to be supported in whatever they choose to do, and communicate with those who feel similarly.
And you are just creating toxic negativity by insulting those who wish to vent. But if life is good for you then I'm pleased for you.

yes communicate with those who feel similarly.. but none of us know what the other is really thinking.. for instance, you say I am creating toxic negativity.. but I'm not, you couldn't be further from the truth of what I meant or how I feel.. I thought it was really. mean of the OP to say " ah the positive guy on the suicide forum" just because he gave some. positive advice. On here at times if your positive you get shot down..our negative your shot again..