Even for a slight inconvenience mind will start thinking of suicide, once thought of suicide has entered your mind I feel it's impossible to completely let it go and fully live. You can ignore it for a while but it's always going to come back.
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aminend
Warlock
- May 24, 2020
- 746
Trisolaris
Arcanist
- Dec 11, 2018
- 447
That is very true. Once you start thinking that way it's always in the background.
profoundexperience
You can feel the punishment but you cant commit ts
- Jun 29, 2020
- 436
I think part of it may be really "getting" the fact that, one day, each of us will die... not just intellectually understand it, but viscerally "get it".
Many are never able to face that fact.
Then, every time an "inconvenience" comes-up... we evaluate it differently: Is this pissy thing really worth all the bother? In the long-run, no... perhaps nothing is.
Many are never able to face that fact.
Then, every time an "inconvenience" comes-up... we evaluate it differently: Is this pissy thing really worth all the bother? In the long-run, no... perhaps nothing is.
sad
tired of it all
- Mar 20, 2021
- 30
I feel this. Once it becomes an option the thought never goes away
NeverSatisfied
Experienced
- Dec 28, 2020
- 224
It's strange. Sometimes I shrug off some situations knowing I could ctb and have always felt like it could be soon
Yerina
Member
- Jan 31, 2021
- 10
For me, im positively excited for it. Just by finally finding the 'Exit Game' button makes me numb towards anything bad that is happening or might happen in the future.
NeverSatisfied
Experienced
- Dec 28, 2020
- 224
This is true too. I like knowing it could all end whenever I want it to, the pain doesn't have to last forever. This is a good way of looking at it.
There's this quote from Nietzsche about it 'The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.'
This is my reality now
MindFog
:Professional Hypocrite:
- Nov 19, 2020
- 733
I agree. This mindset has made me extremely irresponsible. But on the other hand, I was able to do things I dont think I 'll ever do otherwise. It opened a weird path for me to go through. I'm still contemplating if its worth it tho.
What is the funniest thing about my ctb thoughts? That they were literally planted in my head by therapists, who persistently questioned me about having them, when I was a 15 y.o. depressed person. 13 years passed, and I can't remember a single day without my ideations.
Sprite_Geist
NULL
- May 27, 2020
- 1,595
Or perhaps it is the other way around: normal life convinces the mind that suicide is an option.
sorella santini
Member
- Jan 19, 2021
- 87
I agree. And if anything, it definitely makes me worry less about all the what ifs. I don't have any anxiety over what may or may not happen tomorrow or even two years from now, as my hope is I won't be around. I don't worry about getting sick or having a terminal illness. I feel like these are things most non suicidal people have random concerns and thoughts about.
Same is happening with me
sparkie
Student
- Mar 14, 2021
- 175
Yes but it's just a thought the ACTION of suicide is a million miles away from the thought, the thought is comforting thinking well I can always end this nightmare but can you really? Instead of the thought will you be able to do it in the here and now the cold black unknown that you go into on purpose.. I've tried twice cowardly ways in my opinion (even in death you need to put something in to get something back) tablets was in hospital for four days, car exhaust garage blood from nose woke up next day in car naked(took all my clothes off ?? can't remember) fine after couple of days But now going to do it properly by hanging if 14 year old teenagers can do it than I need to grow a pair and do it properly
Zzzzz
Nothing compares to the bliss of death.
- Aug 8, 2018
- 879
I don't go more than a few hours without thinking about it. Life is an utter disappointment to me. There's very little desire to do anything or keep living. The only reason I am alive is because I'm under surveillance basically. Dirt poor. On the brink of homelessness. And too exhausted/stressed to do anything about it. My life is nothing but a miserable waiting game. Waiting for my inevitable death .
I think about it everyday. It's always there. I can't block it or ignore it. Someday...
DarkWolf
Worthless Loser
- Mar 29, 2021
- 201
Suicidal thoughts are like breathing to me. They'll never go away it's only matter of time
Even the most trival things set me off.
Even the most trival things set me off.
JigsawFeelin
Student
- May 31, 2020
- 132
I think it's because they take up the same portion of your brain that plans your longterm goals. In the same way you might think 'well next year I need to move because my tenancy isn't being renewed'.
Thoughts of death just become commonplace because they're part of a wider plan.
It is really odd they don't go away when your life changes. I think I could be deliriously happy and still dedicate huge portions of my day to dreaming of ending it.
Thoughts of death just become commonplace because they're part of a wider plan.
It is really odd they don't go away when your life changes. I think I could be deliriously happy and still dedicate huge portions of my day to dreaming of ending it.
SosoruzeDosukoi
Tired
- Mar 27, 2021
- 48
I agree with that. It seems like it's always on the plate of options now.
lofticries
obedear
- Feb 27, 2021
- 1,470
I hate when I'm having a decent time at life and then shit happens which results in me frantically considering suicide on that day
I hate that my normal state of mind is 'ehhh,today isn't so bad but honestly i'd rather be dead right now.' There are people who don't want to die not matter what shit they're in and it blows my mind.
I hate that my normal state of mind is 'ehhh,today isn't so bad but honestly i'd rather be dead right now.' There are people who don't want to die not matter what shit they're in and it blows my mind.
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FarAcrossTheWater
Experienced
- Sep 4, 2020
- 264
It actually feels liberating. I don't have to live through the torture of life. I can actually tell god I quit whenever I want. There is only one answer.
Into The Void
Student
- Mar 10, 2021
- 196
I have several peaceful suicide methods for the past several years, but it doesn't affect me in the here and now because I'm not depressed. But it does take away end of life anxiety, and all the thoughts surrounding end of life. I know if shit hits the fan I can always end it.
Echo81
Member
- Feb 5, 2021
- 85
ClownMe
Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead
- Apr 7, 2021
- 20,561
100% true, once your brain sees the world for what it is you cant go back.
avoid_slow_death
Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
- Feb 4, 2020
- 1,358
This is especially true if you develop such an ideation from a young age. Basically becomes a curse you cannot remove. Or a blessing depending on your POV
ImpairedLowlife
Empty and hollow
- Aug 3, 2020
- 367
That's kinda true. Even when I'm pretty happy this idea never leaves me. It's not like I'm gonna do it anytime soon or after any failure, but this will always be my plan B.
It's probably, because this is the truth. Suicide is actually an option. It's not a taboo for you anymore, when you realize it's not wrong, like everybody says. It's something you learn once and it stays with you forever. Even if you never do it, you always know, this is a valuable option.
It's probably, because this is the truth. Suicide is actually an option. It's not a taboo for you anymore, when you realize it's not wrong, like everybody says. It's something you learn once and it stays with you forever. Even if you never do it, you always know, this is a valuable option.
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 21,392
I had some hope before, I could have sworn that when I was given a brief glimpse at the life I wanted I finally felt like I didn't want to kill myself anymore for the first time in many years but now that it's impossible I want to more than ever so maybe it's true.
Passersby
Trapped in space and time
- Aug 29, 2019
- 1,644
This is exactly how I feel too. Once I developed the idea and starting going down the whole road of planing, and prep I realized its a way out and I will never get rid of it regardless of what ends up happening. Something simple will go wrong, so that on top of everything else makes me want to just go ahead and say maybe this is the day. Ive been holding on to this imaginary hope for too long but I do realize the hope is not real now and some how gets in my head though. I think its just SI.
