Venting on someone else's health insurance - they find out if i attempt , dont they

[deadpornstarr!]

title .

if i try to ctb , and i fail , im admitted to the er , and they learn that my health insurance is provided by a relative of mine ... are they just getting contacted right away? would i need to deal with one of these blood relative dipshits harassing me in the er? meeting the friend ive been living with and harassing him over why im still depressed? its just a nightmare

if i was going to try to die , id have to make sure it worked . it wouldnt even be an option anymore to fail . id be worse off than ever if i survived . id just be in even more of a nightmare . i hate it here . i need to leave . even if i ctb'd successfully theyd bitch at my friends about it . about me being allowed to do that . im gonna make life a living hell for everyone i know either way. its just fucking hopeless constantly

i still dont want to die . because im still caught up in my fomo copium bullshit abt "but what if it gets better !!!"

but i know even on this forum im an annoying little cunt and a burden on everybody - youll be happy to know that i have to be on my way out soon . its not an option to live much longer , i dont think . everythings just going to shit . ill have to abandon my sister and traumatize my friends and family and disappoint everybody ive ever known all because im too much of a lazy fuckwad to go to my classes or get a job or finish one of these stupid artworks that consumes my life or fucking anything

i cant sleep i hate it here so much . this text doesnt even sound like me nothing i post on this forum ever sounds like me . nothing i ever say sounds like me , i dont even know how to describe the feeling , im just autopiloting this rpg character spamming the worst dialogue options and pissing everyone off and being the biggest wannabe-edgy loser the planet's ever seen i just Whine all day aand i feel nothing i just want it to stop so bad . i want to be a real person but i cant be . this post went off course didnt it . sorryyyyyyyyy x3

im gonna keep trying to fall asleep . hopefully i dont wake up . night

 

[aego]

hey hey hey, i don't think anyone here thinks you're annoying. dying will be a heartbreak, not a disappointment, either.

also… yes. i haven't been admitted before but i am pretty sure that if you DO get admitted to the ER they will contact any relatives. even if they somehow don't, i think the insurer gets mail updates on their bills.

either way, if you're worried about failing you should probably replan/schedule your method so you don't end up with a worse outcome (forced into mental ward, loss of movement/speech, etc).

stay safe dps