heliumgirl
gender dysphoria
- Jun 26, 2025
- 20
something that i really think about is how people would react to my death. while most people would immediately think of their family reactions, i mostly imagine what the people i've met online, and the communities i've been a part of, would react, as that's always been and still is a big part of my life.
the only friends i have currently are online discord friends. we've has a small group dm together for quite a while. and while we've never met in person (we did/do have plans), i do feel that they truly care about me. we've spent a lot of time together and they would really miss me as a part of the group.
now on online communities, this is one that i think a lot about because i did have quite a stay on a few communities, and honestly had an impact on some of them. i don't want to give too many details in fear of someone discovering who i am, but i was a moderator of a particular online game for almost two years, where i helped approve levels by others, among other things. in that time i was pretty active in the game's discord server and became a recognizable name there. i became friends with many members of the community, some of which still ocasionally talk with me. there is also another online community i am a part of where i've been a recognizable username for a while, and where i've done a lot of "work" that has been recognized. (i do feel sorry for the vagueness, but if i give too many details someone could really identify me). both these communities have been a part of me for multiple years.
in these two communities I truly feel that some people would miss me. i say this because i've seen members of these communities die — sometimes by suicide, too — and the community is left in mourning. in one case, dozens of people shared their condolences to a well-respected user who had committed suicide, and people grouped themselves to help complete the "work" he had left incomplete. and most notably, a few members even went to his funeral.
all this makes me think what would happen when i die. how people would react. how it would be announced (i still don't know if i would announce it myself beforehand or by scheduled message, or if someone else would have to do it — i don't really like the idea of just disappearing though). and how the community as a whole would react. paying their condolences, or remembering the things i did for the community. maybe they would do some kind of tribute.
i guess this is a very distinct feeling that i get as someone who has achieved some kind of "status" in these niche, but dedicated online communities, which is not particularly common.
the only friends i have currently are online discord friends. we've has a small group dm together for quite a while. and while we've never met in person (we did/do have plans), i do feel that they truly care about me. we've spent a lot of time together and they would really miss me as a part of the group.
now on online communities, this is one that i think a lot about because i did have quite a stay on a few communities, and honestly had an impact on some of them. i don't want to give too many details in fear of someone discovering who i am, but i was a moderator of a particular online game for almost two years, where i helped approve levels by others, among other things. in that time i was pretty active in the game's discord server and became a recognizable name there. i became friends with many members of the community, some of which still ocasionally talk with me. there is also another online community i am a part of where i've been a recognizable username for a while, and where i've done a lot of "work" that has been recognized. (i do feel sorry for the vagueness, but if i give too many details someone could really identify me). both these communities have been a part of me for multiple years.
in these two communities I truly feel that some people would miss me. i say this because i've seen members of these communities die — sometimes by suicide, too — and the community is left in mourning. in one case, dozens of people shared their condolences to a well-respected user who had committed suicide, and people grouped themselves to help complete the "work" he had left incomplete. and most notably, a few members even went to his funeral.
all this makes me think what would happen when i die. how people would react. how it would be announced (i still don't know if i would announce it myself beforehand or by scheduled message, or if someone else would have to do it — i don't really like the idea of just disappearing though). and how the community as a whole would react. paying their condolences, or remembering the things i did for the community. maybe they would do some kind of tribute.
i guess this is a very distinct feeling that i get as someone who has achieved some kind of "status" in these niche, but dedicated online communities, which is not particularly common.
