I was thinking of posting this in recovery, but seen as I'm still feeling like i want to die, I don't feel like the recovery section is the right place.
After my overdose and carpark jumping situation, I've landed myself in a psych ward. I don't know how long im staying here. I hate it. Its really understaffed at the moment too. But part of me wants to get better and give it a go, the other part of me wants to leave and die and doesnt see myself ever feeling better so whats the point. I'm not sectioned but I know if I try and leave for real they will likely section me. The reduction in the amount of benzos I'm now taking is killing me.
I was taking so much xanax daily and now im just on 7mg diazpam 4 times a day, with the occasional 1mg of lorazepam (this only got uped from 5mg 3 times a day today as I was begging so much for more and was having withdrawl symptoms).
I want xanax or more diazepam because I dont want to be awake and this place makes me feel so anxious but I guess I felt really anxious before I was here anyway.
This is just a vent really.
I'm not on the wards WiFi and I'm using VPN so I feel I am safe to access this site and post this.
They let me have leave by myself as long as I tell them when I'm back etc but I could easily just leave and not come back but then they would treat me as a missing person, post my photo on social media and if they find me, section me. I don't know what to do.
I had a bit of a melt down earlier and punched a wall crying and my hand is all swollen up. I tried to leave but 2 other patients talked me out of it.
My friend drove to visit me earlier but the staff wouldn't let anyone out (even though I have right for leave) because they were short staffed so she had to go home instead and this reslly upset me.
I have became 'friends' with some of the patients but I still feel like shit.
I'm being way less impulsive in here than I would be in the community which also annoys me because part of me wants to do impulsive things that could end my life.
I've wanted to die on and off for over 10 years now.
Sorry this is like an essay.
They won't come in my room at night as I'm no longer on 10 min obs they just look through my window slightly every half an hour to an hour, I have plastic bags, and things I could maybe tie round my neck. Would this be something I could possibly do or would it just not work and I'd just get sectioned and in trouble. Idk I don't know what to do I want everything to end.
After my overdose and carpark jumping situation, I've landed myself in a psych ward. I don't know how long im staying here. I hate it. Its really understaffed at the moment too. But part of me wants to get better and give it a go, the other part of me wants to leave and die and doesnt see myself ever feeling better so whats the point. I'm not sectioned but I know if I try and leave for real they will likely section me. The reduction in the amount of benzos I'm now taking is killing me.
I was taking so much xanax daily and now im just on 7mg diazpam 4 times a day, with the occasional 1mg of lorazepam (this only got uped from 5mg 3 times a day today as I was begging so much for more and was having withdrawl symptoms).
I want xanax or more diazepam because I dont want to be awake and this place makes me feel so anxious but I guess I felt really anxious before I was here anyway.
This is just a vent really.
I'm not on the wards WiFi and I'm using VPN so I feel I am safe to access this site and post this.
They let me have leave by myself as long as I tell them when I'm back etc but I could easily just leave and not come back but then they would treat me as a missing person, post my photo on social media and if they find me, section me. I don't know what to do.
I had a bit of a melt down earlier and punched a wall crying and my hand is all swollen up. I tried to leave but 2 other patients talked me out of it.
My friend drove to visit me earlier but the staff wouldn't let anyone out (even though I have right for leave) because they were short staffed so she had to go home instead and this reslly upset me.
I have became 'friends' with some of the patients but I still feel like shit.
I'm being way less impulsive in here than I would be in the community which also annoys me because part of me wants to do impulsive things that could end my life.
I've wanted to die on and off for over 10 years now.
Sorry this is like an essay.
They won't come in my room at night as I'm no longer on 10 min obs they just look through my window slightly every half an hour to an hour, I have plastic bags, and things I could maybe tie round my neck. Would this be something I could possibly do or would it just not work and I'd just get sectioned and in trouble. Idk I don't know what to do I want everything to end.
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