AloeGarten
magicka
- May 14, 2021
- 140
I think a 8 out of 10.1 is very low self-hatred. 10 is extremely much. I think many depressed people have a negative view on themselves. People on the outside can tell you you had a too negative perception of yourself. But it is extremely difficult to accept that. Sometimes it literally feels impossible.
For me personally it depends on the context. There are situation often related to my obsessive behavior I extremely despise myself. I extremely pressure myself to be perfect, to achieve my goals and I am extremely strict on myself. Often this is kind of damaging. It makes me suicidal. But it a real dilemma if I don't live up to these expectations I hate myself even more.
But on the other hand: if I reach my goals and I can relax for a short time I feel kind proud about myself. Due to the fact I spend an extreme amount of energy to achieve my goals I sometimes reach them. They don't really solve my main issues with life. But it can satisgy my OCD brain for a while. Which feels very good. In this time period my self-hatred is reduced.
Compared with an healthy person. I had myself very much. But if I compare myself to some peole in this forum I hate myself less. Some are in another extreme dimension. My problems also have to do with financials and other daily problems. The self-hatred is not my main issue. Though maybe if I could solve my main problwms I had more time to ruminate about my self-hatred.
I think some people blame themselves for their pain. I think this is often not very healthy. But I also experienced it. It can be extremely cruel and tormenting. Especially after may psychosis. Nothing could stop my self-hatred. But I rather blame my parents and the child abuse. Moreover I don't really want to hurt myself instead I want that it stops to hurt me. (similar quote in sa book). I don't think I deserve this treatment. I am innocent. But I am punished for being abused.
I think my self-hatred is a 5. If we compare with other people with depression. Not with the average Joe and Jane.
Some of those things are out of your control and I wouldn't say that they are "you".11.
There's not one single person or thing in this world that I hate more than myself. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I sound, I hate how I think, how I act, hate my views, hate my intelligence (or lack of), hate how I'm viewed/seen, I hate my decisions, I hate my thought process, hate my past, hate my present, and I guarantee that I'll hate my future. I don't even have a single atom that I like about myself.
What about your internal self?Varies. Ive stepped into the social standard of eyelashes, tan, filler. The usual shit. I suppose this makes me think that im "beautiful". Once im getting validation from an outside source. Then im up at a 10. Like im gods gift.
When im looking in the mirror at myself if its not the picture of what I think I should look like. Then 2/3. Again the fakeness ive added to myself adds to these numbers.
If my stomachs sticks out a little aka I've actually been eating that day. Then I hate myself again. My eyelashes are thinning out and im due an appointment. My tan is fading because ive been too drained to do a sunbed.
And when I look at myself crying. 0. Ugly and pathetic. Doesnt even deserve to walk around on this earth.
This.1
I don't hate myself but situations where my personality is not understood.
I'm exactly the same. It's a special kind of hell that doesn't relent from anything external, like seeing friends or anything. I just compare myself to them and am reminded even more.A number much, much, MUCH higher than 10. Always. Every day. I've hated myself and my physical body and looks and life since I was a small child. I blame that intense self-hatred for a large part of my MDD and anxiety.