On a scale of 1-10 how much do you hate yourself?

[noname223]

1 is very low self-hatred. 10 is extremely much. I think many depressed people have a negative view on themselves. People on the outside can tell you you had a too negative perception of yourself. But it is extremely difficult to accept that. Sometimes it literally feels impossible.

For me personally it depends on the context. There are situation often related to my obsessive behavior I extremely despise myself. I extremely pressure myself to be perfect, to achieve my goals and I am extremely strict on myself. Often this is kind of damaging. It makes me suicidal. But it a real dilemma if I don't live up to these expectations I hate myself even more.

But on the other hand: if I reach my goals and I can relax for a short time I feel kind proud about myself. Due to the fact I spend an extreme amount of energy to achieve my goals I sometimes reach them. They don't really solve my main issues with life. But it can satisgy my OCD brain for a while. Which feels very good. In this time period my self-hatred is reduced.

Compared with an healthy person. I had myself very much. But if I compare myself to some peole in this forum I hate myself less. Some are in another extreme dimension. My problems also have to do with financials and other daily problems. The self-hatred is not my main issue. Though maybe if I could solve my main problwms I had more time to ruminate about my self-hatred.
I think some people blame themselves for their pain. I think this is often not very healthy. But I also experienced it. It can be extremely cruel and tormenting. Especially after may psychosis. Nothing could stop my self-hatred. But I rather blame my parents and the child abuse. Moreover I don't really want to hurt myself instead I want that it stops to hurt me. (similar quote in sa book). I don't think I deserve this treatment. I am innocent. But I am punished for being abused.

I think my self-hatred is a 5. If we compare with other people with depression. Not with the average Joe and Jane.

 

[lessonlearned]

10

 

[nys]

It varies for me too. If I do something good and I'm very proud of myself, like getting a really good grade on a test or not botching a social interaction, I guess I could be around a 2 or 3 (never a 1 because I have personality traits that I can't stop hating myself over, like my extreme introversion and mental illnesses that prevent me from acting carefree and fun like other people my age). On days of my life that are worse, my self-hatred can get pretty high, like a 7 or 8, maybe even 9.

Today's one of the worse days. I've spent the whole day alone, reminding me of how I have no friends. Also, I woke up at 7am and it's now more than 4pm and I had a simple homework assignment to do, and I've been procrastinating on it for the whole day. Sometimes I try to do the homework but I look at it for about a minute and struggle to understand it because I'm dumb, and then I just give up and get distracted again. Today I'm also struggling with suicidal thoughts but I'm too much of a coward to act on it. Today I'm probably at a 9

 

[FuneralCry]

It's hard to say a number, for me it's like I don't really hate myself but instead I hate existing and having to live this life. I am not the problem, but rather life is. I never asked for any of this and I believe that I deserve better than existence, I deserve the peace that only death can bring.

 

[whatevs]

5. Let's catch a break, y'all.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

0. I don't hate myself at all. I have many regrets, I disappoint myself regularly, but I don't hate myself.

 

[Dead Meat]

10 I'm a worthless POS

 

[Arrow]

I can't say I hate myself at all. I'd be reluctant to even say 1. For some reason I've just never hated myself, I hate my mistakes and incompetence and the unfairness of my internal/external environment and so on.

 

[Someone123]

I have mixed feelings on this- sometimes a 1, because I was born into a horrible situation and I tried to overcome it and the effects of it; sometimes more like a 7, because if I had the insights I had later in life at a younger age it could have turned out well.

 

[Klophy]

It fluctuates but i'd say i'm a steady 8.

I'd like to blame a lot of my current feelings on my situation growing up and everything but people have been through worse and come out better. I'm not strong enough.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

About 15

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

A number much, much, MUCH higher than 10. Always. Every day. I've hated myself and my physical body and looks and life since I was a small child. I blame that intense self-hatred for a large part of my MDD and anxiety.

 

[castler]

I know for me I get literally small respect and I don't judge others. This has been this way for years. Even on public bike Paths I am viewed like Im from some other planet or something. I don't view myself as the ugliest person out there, but we were meant for companionship but people that can't be polite while walking by u can they got serious issues.


Sorry if this don't sense, I had like 6 beers.

 

[Nolan96]

10, but then when I realize everyone else's reasons for hating me are fucking stupid it simmers down to a 5 because at least I'm good enough to know the right reasons to hate myself.

 

[Dead Ghost]

I don't know how to rate it, it's very strong and it's the engine that keeps my self-destruction process going. Sometimes if I wanted to hit myself or hit the mirror when I saw my reflection... I guess if I had gotten to do that action it would be a 10.
It always stays at very high levels.

//

No se pas com valorar-ho, és molt fort i es el motor de que el meu procés d'auto-destrucció segueixi endavant. De vegades si he volgut golpejar-me o golpejar el mirall al veure el meu reflex... suposo que si ho hagués arribat a fer aquesta acció sería un 10.
Es manté sempre en nivells molt alts.

 

[lofticries]

Over 9000.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Unsure but I want to cease breathing.

 

[Celerity]

Right now, a pretty solid 5 assuming 1 is loving yourself completely. If "very low self hatred" is a healthy level but not really self-love, a 2.

My dad - who has also suffered from depression and was verbally abusive - said I would reach a point when I got older where I realized that other people are also fucked up and that my deficiencies are mostly average. I think I have reached that point.

Rejection still hurts and challenges my self-respect, but hindsight makes it clear that the people who rejected me had their problems too. Most of them were cowards.

 

[Catloaf]

Zero. Not my fault that life decided to fuck me up.

 

[Ringo]

I really don't know how to measure it, I hate what I've become but also what I was, throughout my life I have done nothing but harm those I love. I'm a useless daughter and a disgusting friend, I was never meant to be born and before causing more damage it's better I end my existence myself, like a band-aid, it is preferable to remove it suddenly than little by little. I just can't cope any more guilt.

 

[Banshee]

11.

There's not one single person or thing in this world that I hate more than myself. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I sound, I hate how I think, how I act, hate my views, hate my intelligence (or lack of), hate how I'm viewed/seen, I hate my decisions, I hate my thought process, hate my past, hate my present, and I guarantee that I'll hate my future. I don't even have a single atom that I like about myself.

 

[suicidebuddyneeded]

Varies. Ive stepped into the social standard of eyelashes, tan, filler. The usual shit. I suppose this makes me think that im "beautiful". Once im getting validation from an outside source. Then im up at a 10. Like im gods gift.

When im looking in the mirror at myself if its not the picture of what I think I should look like. Then 2/3. Again the fakeness ive added to myself adds to these numbers.

If my stomachs sticks out a little aka I've actually been eating that day. Then I hate myself again. My eyelashes are thinning out and im due an appointment. My tan is fading because ive been too drained to do a sunbed.

And when I look at myself crying. 0. Ugly and pathetic. Doesnt even deserve to walk around on this earth.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Usually not so much. I only feel apathy towards myself. I'm just a waste of atoms that never should have come together to form this… this absurd thing that is me.

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

sitting here at a 10 unfortunately.

 

[gh0stt0wn]

10,000. Master self loather with a phd in self sabotage.

 

[Coffeebean77]

10. I detest myself.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

1.

 

[outatime_85]

Yes, I despise myself and am constantly aware that I have nothing to offer the world.

When something good is supposed to happen, I always focus on the negatives, and I wonder when the problems will start to happen.

Having lived a life of failure, any chance of reaching my goals is over, and forget functioning optimally in my life or in the world, I have been isolated for too long.

I live with constant thoughts of me being worthless. I think I am stupid. I can't accept compliments. I suffer from anxiety, depression, and dark thoughts.

Everything for me is all-or-nothing.

To answer the OP's question, For me, there is no number high enough to rate how much I despise myself.

 

[hamvil]

0, I have many regrets but I do not hate myself. I am just not made for this world.

 

[jenycosmos33]

Maybe a 6 or 7, but mostly for things i have done in the past.