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It scares the hell out of me. My only options are N and SN . The rest i cant made to do it. The psy ward terrifies me alot plus its my 3rd attempt, maybe i be locked in the psy ward for years without hp and basic needs . Thats holding me back . Maybe a 9/10.
If i can get my hands on N then maybe a 5. Right now still looking for my ae . My biggest fear is what if methaemoglobinaemia takes place and i am still concious after 8 hours of blue choco.
If i can get my hands on N then maybe a 5. Right now still looking for my ae . My biggest fear is what if methaemoglobinaemia takes place and i am still concious after 8 hours of blue choco.
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yive
life is evil
- Nov 6, 2020
- 695
Biggest fear is being saved. Its embrassing and psy ward terrifies me. Whats so fearful ? Its just a glass of SN . Just treat it as a salty drink . I weight 45kg roughly 1/1/2 table spoon should end me.
Suicide doesnt scare me, being found scares the hell out of me.
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I hate that the survival instinct is so difficult to get over because I think death would be very peaceful. I have some belief in spirituality and we probably go back to some universal consciousness. I don't know why we come here but probably to experience the awful highs and lows, it's a weird thing.
fear of death 0
fear of suffering while attempting 8
fear of missing 9
fear of living this endless misery without control 10
fear of suffering while attempting 8
fear of missing 9
fear of living this endless misery without control 10
Kismet
life is pointless
- Feb 16, 2022
- 141
I'm scared for my animals, like level 10 scarred for them. That's really the main thing that scares me and keeps me here. Fear of death is like a 1. Fear of being saved is enough motivation to jump off a building level embarrassing. Maybe a 3 on the process that I've been pondering on with the bag and tape
Nolan96
Mage
- Feb 12, 2022
- 506
If I were the type of person who could rationalize it by saying, "Well I'll no longer exist and have to worry about the rest of the world, so it doesn't matter what's lost or left behind me when I go", it would be a 1 and I probably wouldn't even need a particularly humane way to go. I'd just get it done.
But I'm still attached to some people and things, and until I'm fully convinced my death would only make the world a better place for everyone else, there will always be some hesitation.
But I'm still attached to some people and things, and until I'm fully convinced my death would only make the world a better place for everyone else, there will always be some hesitation.
orange
Experienced
- Nov 19, 2021
- 243
I fear failing and becoming handicapped as a result, my life is already unbearable enough, thanks. Taking that into account I'd say it's an 8 from me, without it it's a 1.
Actually ctb, maybe like 3. I tested out my hanging set up and it didn't seem bad, started blacking out after several seconds so anything that comes after that… I guess I wouldn't be conscious to know about.
What keeps me from going through with it, is what comes next? Is this life, as horrible as it is, all there is? I just turn into blackness and nothingness? Or is there a shiny, happy place to go to when this life is over?
I have confidence in ctb. I have no confidence, beliefs or evidence in what comes after… and I want to know. The not knowing freezes me.
What keeps me from going through with it, is what comes next? Is this life, as horrible as it is, all there is? I just turn into blackness and nothingness? Or is there a shiny, happy place to go to when this life is over?
I have confidence in ctb. I have no confidence, beliefs or evidence in what comes after… and I want to know. The not knowing freezes me.
M Berry M
Slutty and suicidal
- May 9, 2021
- 18
Very much so probably an 8. I don't know what's after death and the thought of non existence and emptiness scares me.
Shu
As above, So Below.
- Jan 21, 2022
- 2,487
Kristicide
I am a prisoner locked up behind xanax bars
- Dec 16, 2021
- 330
Pol
Student
- Jan 24, 2020
- 119
i'd say..... 9.
prepped several times over the years.
came really close once --- but i chickened out.
prepped several times over the years.
came really close once --- but i chickened out.
I-can-only-imagine
Student
- Apr 26, 2021
- 135
1-3. Only logistics have stopped me. Two attempts that had unwanted intervention and landed me in ICU. Can't wait to try again. Third time lucky right?
goodnighttime
Member
- Nov 18, 2022
- 23
5. Not knowing if anything comes next or not, and the fear of failing and getting brain damage or something.
DeathDodger
Member
- Sep 12, 2022
- 8
I would say that I'm really scared 10/10 because I'm scared of what comes after death. I'm also scared that if I fail my life would be more miserable than it is.
I would say that I'm really scared 10/10 because I'm scared of what comes after death. I'm also scared that if I fail my life would be more miserable than it is.
I would say that I'm really scared 10/10 because I'm scared of what comes after death. I'm also scared that if I fail my life would be more miserable than it is.
Ineedtodie
Shame, Avoidance, hopelessness, lonliness, cbt, pm
- Nov 9, 2022
- 401
I would say 10. It has to be "impulsive" for me.
I don't think I'm going to fail and I have nothing to live for but humiliation and suffering, yet I have this pathetic inertia keeping me alive also fear of the unknown and the unfamous SI.
I don't think I'm going to fail and I have nothing to live for but humiliation and suffering, yet I have this pathetic inertia keeping me alive also fear of the unknown and the unfamous SI.
R. A.
Hard to live, harder to die
- Aug 8, 2022
- 931
It's pretty up there. It's such a final thing. Just how many of us reply to those who lay on the platitudes of "it'll get better" with "how do you know that?", we also don't and can't know that things won't ever get better - it's the ultimate resignation.
My body is pretty freaking sensitive to a lot of things far more innocuous than a lethal dose of poison, so if I go that route and could manage to overcome what I know would be an unbelievable mental block to actually getting everything into me, I'm terrified that something will go wrong physiologically and this bonebag will reject just enough of it all so that I don't die, but do have some lovely horrible aftermath. Or my psyche snaps and I call for help myself and need to be in critical care. The idea of lasting damage, being intubated (possibly causing lasting damage), and everything that would come along with all of that...that is the main fear, I think. It's not just "oh, well, if I fail, I have a tummyache and maybe newfound appreciation for life" - failure can lead to traumatizing experiences that will cause me to want to no longer be alive EVEN MORE.
My kingdom for a magnum...not that that route is all puppies and rainbows either...
My body is pretty freaking sensitive to a lot of things far more innocuous than a lethal dose of poison, so if I go that route and could manage to overcome what I know would be an unbelievable mental block to actually getting everything into me, I'm terrified that something will go wrong physiologically and this bonebag will reject just enough of it all so that I don't die, but do have some lovely horrible aftermath. Or my psyche snaps and I call for help myself and need to be in critical care. The idea of lasting damage, being intubated (possibly causing lasting damage), and everything that would come along with all of that...that is the main fear, I think. It's not just "oh, well, if I fail, I have a tummyache and maybe newfound appreciation for life" - failure can lead to traumatizing experiences that will cause me to want to no longer be alive EVEN MORE.
My kingdom for a magnum...not that that route is all puppies and rainbows either...
Attempting suicide and failing = 9
What will happen to my children after I die = 9
Successfully dying by suicide = 1
What will happen to my children after I die = 9
Successfully dying by suicide = 1
snowman626
Mage
- Jan 28, 2019
- 547
ive had nightmares where i drank my SN and immediately felt a sense of panic and thinking about family members i'll never see again and feelings of guilt and feeling that sense of loss from both mine and their perspectives. that sense of finality and separation is incredibly jolting. that feeling is similar to how as a child i experienced separation from my mother leaving me in the daycare while she went off to work. i didnt know what was happening as a kid, it feels like id never see them again. sitting there looking at my mother walking further and further away. in the dream after i took the SN i immediately thought of my mother, and i was back to being the child separating from my mother. what a scary feeling.
i believe that in reality when i drink my SN i'll feel a similar sense of panic and guilt, maybe even more intensified. so i think about a 9 out of 10. thats why im still here, i dont plan on CTBing before my mother dies. but fear of death itself probably 1 out of 10.
but then there were also good dreams where i successfully CTBed and i woke up on the other side in a beautiful afterlife where i could create my own reality, and i was freed from the limitations and suffering of this world, and it was the most free and happy i've ever felt. if you've ever had a lucid dream or OBE, its that same feeling of being powerful and free, all the troubles just go away instantaneously.
i believe that in reality when i drink my SN i'll feel a similar sense of panic and guilt, maybe even more intensified. so i think about a 9 out of 10. thats why im still here, i dont plan on CTBing before my mother dies. but fear of death itself probably 1 out of 10.
but then there were also good dreams where i successfully CTBed and i woke up on the other side in a beautiful afterlife where i could create my own reality, and i was freed from the limitations and suffering of this world, and it was the most free and happy i've ever felt. if you've ever had a lucid dream or OBE, its that same feeling of being powerful and free, all the troubles just go away instantaneously.
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PanickedMelancholia
¶Nothing really matters¶
- Nov 10, 2022
- 12
BipolarExpress
he/him · tired/exhausted
- Nov 11, 2022
- 266
I'd say it's a 7 for me now, mostly because I don't know what happens after you die—and years of evangelical Christian conditioning has made me fear Hell, even though I haven't actually believed in it for about 20 years. I also worry about my friends' and colleagues' reactions, and there's part of me that worries about how my funeral and burial will be handled, if at all.
How much suicide scares me - that depends on the method and the risk of failure.
If I could die with the help of a doctor: 0.
Die alone without the help of a doctor: 10.
If I could die with the help of a doctor: 0.
Die alone without the help of a doctor: 10.
TheCyberian
Swinging in Her Cell
- Nov 13, 2022
- 81
