D
DOHARDTHINGS24
Specialist
- Apr 30, 2024
- 322
Please help.
I've been lurking here & once I found out I couldn't OD on what I had, I found out about SN & put all my eggs in that basket. I ordered & received in a time frame when I thought I would be homeless. I've extended living with my ex & it is abusive & horrific & I just want to CTB. He is not the sole reason. It doesn't help though. So I planned to CTB the second I received & then I found out about AE & all this other stuff. And I've demeaned myself begging for help on here & it has varied wildly from generous to scammers & it's hard for a newbie tech illiterate to know the diff. And then life circumstances intervened in my CTB plan. And I let them. I've learnt nothing - people pleasing is a disgusting trait & if you have it, go get help. At a time when I need to put myself first I'm still last. Every time, I promise myself next time will be different, I'll put myself first. When everything calms down, when everyone else is ok, all of it. But I've been physically & sexually assaulted, I've lost nearly all my family members to death (still not getting a look in for a simple are you ok, how can I help…?
Just more abuse that I've accepted because I'm broken & my decision is already made anyway. But then, I didn't have the time to research & I can't afford to fuck it up. My ex that I'm still living with is constantly going through my physical & digital things - I can't tell you what I've hidden & where. And them my living situation, although horrific, meant I thought I could suffer it out here while I researched. Buy myself some time. And then it looked like there was a minor inheritance coming my way - I'm past flat broke & in debt through my eyeballs - it bought me some time with the ex because he thinks he deserves it… And so I tried to research. And thought the money was gonna come my way quickly & I could afford to go stay at a nice hotel to see out my last days. But the money is still tied up & I can't get an answer on that. I need to hock my wedding ring & I don't know how to get proper money for it - it's my only asset. And then I finally got some time to research & the fucking ex suddenly starts working from home - he knew something… And then, I'm shocked to learn this, I bought the BS that you have to wait a certain time to report someone missing - I had a perfect opportunity, or so I thought, & the plan was a really good lie about why I was off grid, go to a fancy rural cabin style hotel & enjoy a full day of last meals & books & tv shows & just chilling. And then fasting, doing the protocol, taking my time, not being found, all of that. I DID NOT KNOW that where I am, you can report someone missing after literally 20 minutes. FFS. My ex won't do that from concern, there'll be punishment involved. I thought I'd have time, chill, breathe, not rush, savour the alone time, prepare, get it right & go. But he'll destroy that in a second which ramps up the pressure. And then the fucking conflicting advice on here - I have nowhere else to go for help - I take 400 quietapine daily, I used to take 800. I have a high tolerance & I do not sleep. And I saw in Stan's & the bible that you can use it as AE. But I dint understand what the nM stuff means. And I have expired procleramide or whatever it is, but can't find out if still useful. But it was prescribed for seasickness & the guides say that's a no go. So I thought I might break my integrity & lie to an online doc about needing meto but the interaction checker says that's a no go. And I can't find out if that just means if you plan to live or not. So I wanted to go immediately, put off for a bunch of crap reasons & a bunch of legitimate reasons - I really thought I could have 24 -48 hours in a hotel & just do this well & PEACEFULLY & successfully. But it's getting further away & I can't have that. The abuse has ramped up. I can't take it. And I don't want any advice on shelters & how to escape, he's A reason, not the only reason. But what the fuck do I do now?? Knowing he can report me missing immediately. Knowing that meto & seroquel interact? Not knowing if seroquel is sufficient AE? Not knowing if my expired procleramide or whatever is any good??? It seems like the difference between success & failure is planning, AE & not being found. BUT I NEED TO GO. I can't take it anymore. In a lifetime of taking it, it's my time, I have to go. I just have to. Does anyone know if I can use quitapine as AE, even as long term "user"? If the AE I have will work, even though it's for travel sickness & years out of date? What to use instead of meto if it interacts so badly? How to read drug interaction checkers when they're designed for people who want to survive. I can give up the fancy hotel, I can give up the one day of me time that I really thought I deserved, all of it. But I have to go. I. Just. Can't. Take. It. Anymore. But. I. Can't. Afford. To. Get. It. Wrong. Please help me, please help me, please help me. I'm not a time waster, I'm not looking for sympathy or another way out. Just help to succeed. He's going through my stuff. I only have my goddamn phone. I don't have the luxury to do a better job by myself. I would if I could but I can't. The desperation is sickening. And I haven't tested my SN yet because I don't want to expose it or have him find it - he can't find it right now, I'm pretty sure. But if it's fake, I'm fucked. I'm fucked anyway. After tonight's abuse, I can't wait for anything else to be posted. I can't take anymore. I thought I could. But I just can't. FFS. ALL I DO IS RAMBLE HERE & LINGER LONGER. I don't want to ramble or linger longer. Faaarrrrkk. Please help me. Please. I hate this & I need to go.
I've been lurking here & once I found out I couldn't OD on what I had, I found out about SN & put all my eggs in that basket. I ordered & received in a time frame when I thought I would be homeless. I've extended living with my ex & it is abusive & horrific & I just want to CTB. He is not the sole reason. It doesn't help though. So I planned to CTB the second I received & then I found out about AE & all this other stuff. And I've demeaned myself begging for help on here & it has varied wildly from generous to scammers & it's hard for a newbie tech illiterate to know the diff. And then life circumstances intervened in my CTB plan. And I let them. I've learnt nothing - people pleasing is a disgusting trait & if you have it, go get help. At a time when I need to put myself first I'm still last. Every time, I promise myself next time will be different, I'll put myself first. When everything calms down, when everyone else is ok, all of it. But I've been physically & sexually assaulted, I've lost nearly all my family members to death (still not getting a look in for a simple are you ok, how can I help…?
Just more abuse that I've accepted because I'm broken & my decision is already made anyway. But then, I didn't have the time to research & I can't afford to fuck it up. My ex that I'm still living with is constantly going through my physical & digital things - I can't tell you what I've hidden & where. And them my living situation, although horrific, meant I thought I could suffer it out here while I researched. Buy myself some time. And then it looked like there was a minor inheritance coming my way - I'm past flat broke & in debt through my eyeballs - it bought me some time with the ex because he thinks he deserves it… And so I tried to research. And thought the money was gonna come my way quickly & I could afford to go stay at a nice hotel to see out my last days. But the money is still tied up & I can't get an answer on that. I need to hock my wedding ring & I don't know how to get proper money for it - it's my only asset. And then I finally got some time to research & the fucking ex suddenly starts working from home - he knew something… And then, I'm shocked to learn this, I bought the BS that you have to wait a certain time to report someone missing - I had a perfect opportunity, or so I thought, & the plan was a really good lie about why I was off grid, go to a fancy rural cabin style hotel & enjoy a full day of last meals & books & tv shows & just chilling. And then fasting, doing the protocol, taking my time, not being found, all of that. I DID NOT KNOW that where I am, you can report someone missing after literally 20 minutes. FFS. My ex won't do that from concern, there'll be punishment involved. I thought I'd have time, chill, breathe, not rush, savour the alone time, prepare, get it right & go. But he'll destroy that in a second which ramps up the pressure. And then the fucking conflicting advice on here - I have nowhere else to go for help - I take 400 quietapine daily, I used to take 800. I have a high tolerance & I do not sleep. And I saw in Stan's & the bible that you can use it as AE. But I dint understand what the nM stuff means. And I have expired procleramide or whatever it is, but can't find out if still useful. But it was prescribed for seasickness & the guides say that's a no go. So I thought I might break my integrity & lie to an online doc about needing meto but the interaction checker says that's a no go. And I can't find out if that just means if you plan to live or not. So I wanted to go immediately, put off for a bunch of crap reasons & a bunch of legitimate reasons - I really thought I could have 24 -48 hours in a hotel & just do this well & PEACEFULLY & successfully. But it's getting further away & I can't have that. The abuse has ramped up. I can't take it. And I don't want any advice on shelters & how to escape, he's A reason, not the only reason. But what the fuck do I do now?? Knowing he can report me missing immediately. Knowing that meto & seroquel interact? Not knowing if seroquel is sufficient AE? Not knowing if my expired procleramide or whatever is any good??? It seems like the difference between success & failure is planning, AE & not being found. BUT I NEED TO GO. I can't take it anymore. In a lifetime of taking it, it's my time, I have to go. I just have to. Does anyone know if I can use quitapine as AE, even as long term "user"? If the AE I have will work, even though it's for travel sickness & years out of date? What to use instead of meto if it interacts so badly? How to read drug interaction checkers when they're designed for people who want to survive. I can give up the fancy hotel, I can give up the one day of me time that I really thought I deserved, all of it. But I have to go. I. Just. Can't. Take. It. Anymore. But. I. Can't. Afford. To. Get. It. Wrong. Please help me, please help me, please help me. I'm not a time waster, I'm not looking for sympathy or another way out. Just help to succeed. He's going through my stuff. I only have my goddamn phone. I don't have the luxury to do a better job by myself. I would if I could but I can't. The desperation is sickening. And I haven't tested my SN yet because I don't want to expose it or have him find it - he can't find it right now, I'm pretty sure. But if it's fake, I'm fucked. I'm fucked anyway. After tonight's abuse, I can't wait for anything else to be posted. I can't take anymore. I thought I could. But I just can't. FFS. ALL I DO IS RAMBLE HERE & LINGER LONGER. I don't want to ramble or linger longer. Faaarrrrkk. Please help me. Please. I hate this & I need to go.