Toxinebulaic
winter is coming
- Aug 2, 2023
- 40
Fuck it's been so long. I was off this forum for so damn long. I don't even know what triggered this. Suddenly I can't sleep and all I can think about is how to get roof access and how I'm going to ensure that my idiotic brain is obliterated in an instant when I jump and splatter across the pavement.
How would it feel? It would probably feel like nothing, I would die far too quick. There's no afterlife, I would just be released into nothingness. How I long for that nothingness. I don't care who calls me selfish, I'll care even less when I cease to exist. I don't want to live another 60 fucking years in this hellhole, I see the way my granddad is decaying from dementia. I see the way my dad comes home drunk and angry every fucking day because he suppresses his feelings about the time he spent in afghanistan and the bullshit he does in the military. I don't want that!
I don't want to continue to be so fucking disappointing, I have no determination and I will become nothing. My friends hate me, my ex was right. I'm useless, I'll always be useless. I'm unlovable, there's nothing useful about me that you couldn't find in a million other people who aren't so woefully apathetic.
I don't care who I hurt, I'll be nothing and eventually they'll be nothing to. I want to turn into a single piece of data on an "unfortunate" statistic. I don't want to think anymore. Will somebody tell me what the fuck to feel, I'm tired of feeling like this much of a waste of time.
How would it feel? It would probably feel like nothing, I would die far too quick. There's no afterlife, I would just be released into nothingness. How I long for that nothingness. I don't care who calls me selfish, I'll care even less when I cease to exist. I don't want to live another 60 fucking years in this hellhole, I see the way my granddad is decaying from dementia. I see the way my dad comes home drunk and angry every fucking day because he suppresses his feelings about the time he spent in afghanistan and the bullshit he does in the military. I don't want that!
I don't want to continue to be so fucking disappointing, I have no determination and I will become nothing. My friends hate me, my ex was right. I'm useless, I'll always be useless. I'm unlovable, there's nothing useful about me that you couldn't find in a million other people who aren't so woefully apathetic.
I don't care who I hurt, I'll be nothing and eventually they'll be nothing to. I want to turn into a single piece of data on an "unfortunate" statistic. I don't want to think anymore. Will somebody tell me what the fuck to feel, I'm tired of feeling like this much of a waste of time.
