ODed on lithium again

[DyingToDie123]

Look ok I KNOW this is a stupid and ineffective method, I read every single post about lithium on this site just before I did it but then I just told myself what a piece of shit I am and that I deserve a long, painful, uncertain death anyway and then took it.

I took 18g this time. I wanted to take 30g which would be closer to my LD50 but nausea got the best of me. it's been almost 5 hours.

I feel the same as I did on my past ODs of 2.4g and 6g so far, moderate discomfort rather than pain (the burning/itchiness! Why does no one talk about this), although this time I threw up about 3 or 4 hours in (and the taste of a couple capsules that came up was SO DISGUSTING). Mental state is fine, which has me worried it's not going to do anything and then what? I have a class presentation tomorrow and another on Thursday and work due this week and UGH I can't do any of it I can't I can't I can't.

Maybe the fear of kidney failure will convince me to jump off the nearby bridge, except I probably shouldn't drive there tonight in case the neurological side effects do eventually kick in. Ugh.

I just want some pancakes and apple juice and to die an easy death. Please tell me what a fucking idiot I am, I deserve it.

 

[mehdone]

Desperation does not make one an idiot.
But yeah, that method was doomed to fail.

 

[iloverachel]

I am so sorry my friend. If you feel really unwell enough, would it be fine to call in sick for the class presentations?
Best of luck friend

 

[DyingToDie123]

I am so sorry my friend. If you feel really unwell enough, would it be fine to call in sick for the class presentations?
Best of luck friend

Thanks, yeah, I don't think I have a choice. Luckily the professor is nice.

 

[GreenOctober]

Like the Nirvana song

 

[anhedonya]

I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time lately. You're not stupid nor do you deserve to be hurt or talked down to.

 

[AllMyDreams]

You have to be more gentle on yourself. From your posts it seems there's a pattern of "I made a mistake, I'm a terrible awful person who should die". But everyone makes mistakes... and if you have at least the right intentions, and it's a relatively minor thing, just chalk it up to being a human and learn from it as much you can. Because that's what it's like for EVERYONE. Including the happy and successful :) it's usually nothing specifically wrong with you.

It is easier said than done but if you can work on being gentle and forgiving with yourself, whether you decide to CTB or not I think you will be at more peace.

 

[DyingToDie123]

You have to be more gentle on yourself. From your posts it seems there's a pattern of "I made a mistake, I'm a terrible awful person who should die". But everyone makes mistakes... and if you have at least the right intentions, and it's a relatively minor thing, just chalk it up to being a human and learn from it as much you can. Because that's what it's like for EVERYONE. Including the happy and successful :) it's usually nothing specifically wrong with you.

It is easier said than done but if you can work on being gentle and forgiving with yourself, whether you decide to CTB or not I think you will be at more peace.

Thank you ❤ I've mostly been ruminating over one really awful mistake I made that cost me my friends and my career so it's been difficult to move past that. But I'll try.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Thank you ❤ I've mostly been ruminating over one really awful mistake I made that cost me my friends and my career so it's been difficult to move past that. But I'll try.

Ohh that's tough. I'm sorry that happened. But you can learn to forgive yourself. These things do take time but rest assured everyone has done stupid shit like this in some way or another, and there have been many far worse mistakes in history.
Like the baggage handler who allowed a terrorist to check in luggage for Air India 182 even though she knew it was against the rules.